The First Principle: Make a commitment to your family and hometown

Previous Lesson | Home | Contents | Next Lesson

LESSON 6: True Love: What is it?

A. The characteristics of true love.

1. Spontaneous and irrepressible.

• Based upon the irresistible desire of the heart.
  • Where something is held back, love is strangled.
  • Love cannot be coerced or demanded of the other. Love and freedom exist together or not at all.
• Pure.
  • Love is the root motivation. It cannot be employed in the service of other motives. This means true love is pure, unadulterated by other motives.
  • Therefore, first love, virginal love, is the strongest. We all desire eternal love, because purity is eternal.
  • After experiencing betrayal, we tend to hold back; we can neither be free nor honest again.
  • Only total repentance and confession to the other can overcome the horrible prison that is created in a relationship when one partner violates love. Such honesty and repentance rarely happens; divorce is far more likely.
• Love finds and follows the shortest route. It jumps instantaneously from person to person, faster than the speed of light.
• Love flows through the relationship of two entities, like the circuit created by plus and minus electricity. When there is no connection, love cannot flow.

2. A partner is required for love to be fulfilled. No one can make love by himself or herself.

• Therefore we are unhappy when we are alone. Everyone is looking for a partner to whom they can express their love. When someone receives our love and responds with happiness, then we are most happy.
• Many people love their pets, because their pets respond to them more reliably than do other people.
• The greatest partners for our love are the members of our own family: our parents, brothers and sisters, spouse, and children. These partners are provided us by God through the natural course of life. They are lifetime partners upon whom we can always rely, and in whom we want to invest ourselves.
• God also needs a partner of love. For this He invested Himself totally in the creation. His love is the root and model of true love.

3. Total investment.

• Unconditional, as God invested Himself in the creation, we invest in others and the world around us.
• It never ends, even when the beloved does not respond.
• To give, forget what you have given, and give again, is the way of true love.
• Love can never force itself, but always waits for the response of the beloved (1 Cor. 13).
• Without a relationship with the living God, true love is too hard; we can't keep going on our own power.
• Go to the point beyond your own power, giving more than you have to give, and God can be found there.
  • True love is like water and air: it automatically flows from high to low, from the place of high pressure to low pressure.
  • By sacrificing oneself, one becomes empty, and the true love of God naturally flows in.

4. True love seeks the welfare of the beloved. The true loving person wants his or her partner to be 1000% better, happier and more fulfilled than him or herself.

• The true lover looks at the beloved from God's viewpoint.
• True love never seeks its own way; it never seeks to use others.

5. God's love is the source, model and goal of true love.

• Love was the motive and purpose for God's creation of the universe and humankind.
• God designed the universe so that love would be the most precious existence.
• Love is the source of life, joy and happiness, even for God.
• God created love to be the strongest force.
• We are born from God and the love of our parents.
• We grow to perfect the dwelling of God in us and our love for our spouse and children.
• We return to God, to heaven, where love is the reigning Principle, after making ourselves fit for heaven in this life by the practice of true love.

6. A True love relationship is my responsibility, not the other personas.

• To begin with myself means that I am the one to initiate true love.
• To begin with myself means that if there are problems, first look to myself.
  • In the case of marriage, to think that the problem is my spouse or that finding just the right spouse will lead to true love is an illusion.
  • Is my love pure? Do I unconditionally love my spouse? Or do I just expect my spouse to love me?
• Mind-body unity is the precondition for true love.
  • In fallen man the body dominates the mind so completely that we do not follow our conscience.
  • Hence, false, artificial love may mask desires to use the other to satisfy one's self. This sort of love is not true; it always fails.
  • True love is in harmony with the desire of the conscience to do good.
• To practice true love, and overcome the temptation to false love, we should use two methods.
  • Study God's words, which strengthens the power of the mind.
  • Discipline the body, making it do what it does not like to do (fasting, prayer vigils, self-sacrifice).
  • These two methods are contained in the basic teachings of all religions.
  • By subjugating the flesh, the conscience is liberated, allowing us to fly in the ecstasy of love that is one with goodness.
• Take care of your body for the sake of serving others.

7. True love has no enemies.

• In contrast to animals, who care only for their own offspring for a short time, human beings love not only their children, but also their parents, neighbors and even humanity as a whole eternally.
• Thus, true love embraces all people.
• Jesus said to love your enemy.
• Avoid creating resentment through exercising favoritism.
• We should love our enemies more than we love our own children.
  • Even your enemy has a mother who loves him. To kill him would cause his mother pain. Therefore, true love never wishes harm to one's enemies.
  • Sacrificial love for the enemy is the only way to end hatred, resentment, alienation and violence. Sacrificial love induces the voluntary surrender of the enemy.

8. True love begins from God, is manifested in the family, and expands to the world.

• Confucius taught that love begins in the family.
• Mencius taught that we should develop jen which is the heart that goes out to help all people.
• Jesus taught that we should love our neighbor, whom we can see, before claiming that we love God, whom we cannot see. He taught, in the Parable of the Good Samaritan, that everyone in the world is our neighbor.
• We can see that love develops through eight stages, in which we each participate.
  1. The body lives for the mind (individual).
  2. The individual lives for the family.
  3. The family lives for the society.
  4. The society lives for the nation.
  5. The nation lives for the world.
  6. The world lives for the cosmos.
  7. The cosmos lives for God.
  8. Finally, even God has His subject - True Love, so He lives for us.
• True love is like the light, the family is like a lens, and the full spectrum of the light is cast upon the screen of the world. This means that each member of the family represents the love within the family out in the larger society, and it is in the larger society that that love attains its greatest value: in bringing joy and blessings to others.
• From the give and take of true love of husband and wife comes true life.
  • Love is the root of life.
  • Life does not create love; love creates life.
  • Therefore Jesus said if you seek your life, you will lose it, but if you lose your life for his sake, then you will gain it.

B. What does it mean to be "centered on true love"?

1. "Centered on true love" means that our family's purpose of existence is true love.

2. Living according to the way of true love.

• The way of true love is to live for others.
• We live for others, serve others, care for others ahead of ourselves.

3. We seek the goal of true love.

• True Love is the pole star, the ultimate goal and purpose of my family.

4. We are guided by true love.

• True love is the standard by which we measure our lives.
• True love is the standard according to which we make decisions.

5. The purpose of our existence is true love.

• I don't live for myself, but for love.
• I value love more than my very life.
• My purpose is bound up with the welfare of others, most importantly the welfare of the greater wholes of which I am a part (family, society, nation, world).

6. Our life is infused with true love.

• We live with God, and God's love empowers and enlivens us.
• True love can enter every cell of our body.

7. True love requires the perfect unity of motivation and action, or vertical and horizontal, or mind and body. Such is, metaphorically, a 90 degree intersection of the vertical and horizontal dimensions, a perfect balance of mind and body.

C. To be centered on anything less, such as material possessions, security, or status, is not to be centered on true love.

1. Centered on the self: heart of selfishness, self-seeking infects all relationships. No one can trust such a person.

2. If we are centered on ourselves, another person, our nation, race, or religion, the relationship is limited and we are biased (off-balance, or off-center).

3. To center on true love is the greatest challenge of our lives.

4. If we ask people which they desire most: money, power, knowledge or true love, everyone will answer, "true love."

Our own hometown is where our families can practice true love most fully. Love in the family becomes real when we share it with the wider world. In the next lesson we will discuss this topic.

Previous Lesson | Page Top | Contents | Next Lesson

MEANINGFULL ENCOUNTERS