--->"Because their are no gods, we must turn to the Buddha." [A Buddhist explanation for their absence of god(s)].

--->"Why?"

--->"Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get." Mama Gump (Sally Fields) in "Forrest Gump".

--->"Can't we all just get along?" Said by an idiot but the quote is good.

--->"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." Quentin J. Lewis

--->"If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem." Unknown

--->"If there is a solution to a problem, there is no point in worrying. If there is no solution to a problem, worrying will do no good." His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama

--->"All those who believe in telekinesis -- raise my hand." Unknown

--->"Okay, so what's the speed of dark?" Unknown

--->"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." Unknown

--->"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." Unknown

--->"Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film." Unknown

--->"Many people quit looking for work when they find a job." Unknown

--->"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." Unknown

--->"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." Unknown

--->"The hardness of butter is proportional to the softness of the bread." Unknown

--->"To steal ideas from one person is plagarism; to steal from many is research." Unknown

--->"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." Unknown

--->"Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life." Unknown

--->"Plan to be spontaneous -- tomorrow." Unknown

--->"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments." Unknown

--->"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize." Unknown

--->"Half the people you know are below average." Unknown

--->"If the shoe fits, get another one just like it." Unknown

--->"I don't look to politicians for any moral leadership. They work for me. They're slimeballs and thank God they're afraid of me!" James Marsters (from the TV show 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer') on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.

--->"The empty can rattles the most." James Hetfield of Metallica

--->"Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which cannot exist when I do?" Epicures

--->"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigue of supporting it." Thomas Paine

--->"The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been." Alan Ashley-Pitt

To break with a long tradition of posting kick-@$$ quotes, I've decided to slightly alter the course of this particular section of my website. In addition to the kick-@$$ postings that this page is known for, I'll also be posting cartoons and text that I see on the Internet or ridiculous e-mails that are constantly sent to me. I hope you like it!

This was in an e-mail sent to one of my parents that I had an instant "disagree" reaction to. From Brokaw's claim of 'The Greatest Generation' to the constant dawging of my generation, I'm tired of people saying that I'm not really living! (The font has been made smaller to make it take up less space.)

Before the Internet or the MAC,
Before semi-automatics and crack,
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...
Way back........
I'm talking about hide-and-seek at dusk.
The Good Humor man,
Red light, green light.
The corner store.
Hopscotch, butterscotch, doubledutch, jacks, kickball, dodgeball.
Mother May I?
Red Rover and Roly Poly.
Hula Hoops.
Running through the sprinkler;
The smell of the sun and licking salty lips...
Wax lips and mustaches!
An ice cream cone on a warm summer night;
Chocolate or vanilla or strawberry or maybe butter pecan.
A Cherry Coke from the soda fountain at the corner drug store.
Wait......
Watching Saturday morning cartoons... short commercials...
Fat Albert, Road Runner, He-Man,
The Three Stooges, and Bugs,
Or staying up for Gunsmoke.
Or back further, listening to Superman on the radio.
When around the corner seemed far away,
And going downtown seemed like going Somewhere.
A million mosquito bites.
Sticky fingers.
Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, Zorro.
Climbing trees.
Building igloos out of snow banks.
Walking to school, no matter what the weather was.
Running til you were out of breath.
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.
Jumping on the bed.
Pillow fights.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
Being tired from playing.... Remember that?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
I'm not finished yet -- eating Kool-aid powder.
Remember when...
There were only two types of sneakers for girls and boys: Keds & PF Flyers,
and the only time you wore them at school was for "Gym."
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
When nobody owned a purebred dog.
When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter was a miracle.
When milk went up a penny and everyone talked about it for weeks.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time.
And you didn't pay for air in the tires.
And you got trading stamps to boot!
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.
When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got there.
When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up, if you had one.
When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When it was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents. When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody - not even the kid - thought a thing of it.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed ..and did!
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to what awaited a misbehaving student when arriving home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat\~ And some of us are still afraid of them!
Didn't that feel good..,just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!
Remember when............
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
New abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog dare."
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!! Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" Life.
I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA!!!

Great Bumper Stickers

"Religious groups should stay out of politics...or be taxed!"

"Jesus was a liberal." Editorial Note: If you think this is merely a provocative statement, I encourage you to look at his viewpoints towards the poor, sinners, women, etc... and see which side of the fence he was really on.

"Hatred is NOT a Family Value"

"Pro Child AND Pro Choice"

Reasons Why Coca-Cola Is So Great

• In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
• You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.
• To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and ...Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
• To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
• To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
• To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
• To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
• To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

• The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
• To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use Hazardous material placards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
• The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years.

Only In America...

...can pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Ever Wonder...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Proof That Some Need More Help Than Others...

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: .. You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

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