murphy

Basic Principles of Murphy's Law:
1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Everything takes longer than you think.
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most
    damage will be the one to go wrong.
5. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
6. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
7. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and
     circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
8. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
9. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
10. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
11. Mother nature is a bitch.
12. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
13. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
14. Every solution breeds new problems.
15. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
16. The light at the end of the tunnel is the Headlamp of an oncoming train.
17. If everythig seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell id going on.
18. Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
19. A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
20. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
21. The other line always moves faster.
22. Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
23. Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
24. The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
25. In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
26. No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale
     somewhere cheaper.
27. The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional
      to the cost of the carpet.

Murphy's Love Laws
1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
4. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
5. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love
     them.
6. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
7. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
9. Nice guys (girls) finish last.
10. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
11. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find
      someone else.
12. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard
     feelings.
13. Nothing improves with age.
14. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite
      the same again.
15. Sex has no calories.

Murphy's Laws on Commerce/Work
1. The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the
     time.
2. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
3. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
4. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you say
     you're going to do.
6. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did
     before.
7. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
8. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
9. Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of
      the day.
10. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least
      interested in, and say nothing about the other.
11. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about
      themselves.
12. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
13. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a
      ride home from the office.
14. The boss is always right.
15. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

Murphy's Laws on Combat
1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3. Suppressive fires - won't.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet
    on you.
8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
      when they're ready.
      when you're not.

Murphy's Laws on Police/Military work
1. Bullet Proof' vests aren't.
2. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They punch, kick and choke harder too.
3. The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've
     been a cop.
4. Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in
     your face.
5. High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely
     heavy traffic.
6. If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or
     he works for Internal Affairs.
7. Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to
    walk with a limp.
8. Flash suppressors don't really.
9. If you have `cleared' all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have
     probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.
10. If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad
     guys he swings at.
11. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living
      room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
12. If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to
      become a star on `Eyewitness News'.
13. Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight lifters, martial arts experts,
     department marksmen, Narco Investigators, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider
     themselves immortal.
14. When a civilian sees a red light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into
     the lane the cop needs to use.
15. If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes
     some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.