DEAR Bridee: Ask for advice on anything from glamour tips to recipes like potato stir-fry.  Use the message board or Email your question(s) and a nickname to bridee_55@yahoo.com Responses will be posted here.

Dear Bridee, I need your help.  There's a pic of a ravishing girl with some serious make-up skills.  I'm kind of a plain jane myself, and was wondering if you could help me to achieve that look.  Please help me.  Garden Weasel

Dear Garden Weasel, You must be talking about Roxy in the pajama party pic.  Well Weasel how do I put this... she's not wearing any make-up.  She's emitting 100% natural beauty.  When she's not serving deadbeats, she's on the runways of Milan.  To get her look though you could try heavy blue shadow, heavy brow liner and about 7 lbs of blush, the rest is sex appeal.  I hope that helps.   Bridee

Dear Bridee,  Why don't you have any pics of the bar bouncers?  I hear they are really dreamy.  Todd

Dear Todd, Sorry but you must have heard that from Hepatitis Tina.  Problem is... she calls anyone with a spare quarter and a cock to blow "dreamy".  Bridee

Hi Bridee, I think I'm gonna have to agree with Todd on this one.  Rumour has it that you work with some of the hottest bouncers in the city.  Brock

Dear Brock, Frankly I never see the bouncers at work.  They're too busy with eachother in the beer cooler, getting it up the ass.  You'd almost think I work at the Meat Packers instead of a bar.  Bridee

Dear Bridee, I have heard so many good things about Potato Stir-fry.  What is the recipe for this world acclaimed culinary delight?  By the way could you ask Meana exactly how does she make her world famous Kool-Aid?  Whore

Dear Whore, You've heard right!  Meana's Potato stir-fry is out of this world.  The recipe is carrots, your choice of chicken or beef (doesn't matter 'cause you won't be able to taste anything but starch anyway) and diced potatoes.  Cook until a thick coating covers the ingredients then serve and enjoy!  As for Meana's Kool-Aid, I believe she fills a container with water then slowly (as her guests/cult die of thirst) sprinkles the Kool-Aid crystals into the water, watching the psychedelic show unfold.  This takes her an hour or so, then she adds sugar to taste and a dash of cyaninde.  Lucky guy that gets her as a husband huh.  Bridee

Dear Bridee,  How is it that Adolfus could consume 3oz of 12% bleach and not bat an eye?  Jay

Dear Jay,  I guess once in a while we all get a little tired of Tremclad.  Variety is the spice of life. Bridee

Dear Bridee, I stumbled across your website and can tell that you are a woman of great wisdom, which is why I am seeking your advice.  I think I have fallen in love with the girl you call Roxy.  She is absolutely ravishing, and I need to know if I have a chance with her or not.  Love Muffin Extraordinaire

Dear Love Muffin,  how troubling this is for me to say... You have no chance and sadly never will with the legend they call ROXY!  But maybe you could get organized and create a fan club "a la Selena".  Wouldn't that be fun?  Bridee

Dear Bridee,  My mom is like the best baker in the whole wide world and I'm starting to think that my friends just use me to get to her tasty puffed wheat cake.  How do I find out for sure if this is the case?  Want's true friends

Dear Want's true friends,  hmm maybe you should send me some puffed wheat cake so I can better understand your dilemma.  Bridee

Dear Bridee,  I want to see more pics of customer, naughty Meana and barnyard animals.  Wanker

Dear Wanker,  I will try to aquire more pics of customers but as for Meana and barnyard animals, all I have is a pic of Meana on the corner of 21rst and 19th getting into a pick-up truck.  The driver, I believe her name is Marcy, kinda resembles a porcupine-cow, does this interest you?  Bridee

Dear Bridee, The (bleep) street H.I.V. society would like to see more pics of your bouncers.  Due to the large consumption of drugs and alcohol we ingest, we do not get a good look at them, even though we are there from 9am till 2am.  My wet crusty panties would really appreciate it.  Mike

Dear Mike,  I don't know what on earth you are talking about.  None of the customers have aids or substance abuse problems and how can they be at the bar when they work all day.  Get your facts straight buddy and by the way, change your panties before people start calling you Jay.  I will attempt to get new pics of the bouncers for you.  This however is not an easy task, all of a sudden they are camera shy.   Worried that their naked, bruised and bloody asses would look huge on the computer screen.  So self-conscious!  Bridee

Dear Bridee, I have just bought a scanner and I have this uncontrollable urge to scan naked pics of myself and send them to unsuspecting people.  I know they'll love them, but could I get arrested for doing so?  Frisky Exhibitionist

Dear Frisky Exhibitionist,  ah ya probably!  Finally get a scanner and now you think you're the Queen huh?  Anyway I asked pornography expert and director of "Ding dong under the chair" Meanna Star and this is what she had to say.  "Sending naked pics is how I found my current lover, it's an awesome way to meet nice people and well worth the risk".  Later on she added, "Mmm oh oh ah oh yeah oh yeah ooooo mmm,".  Though for some reason she always says that.  Bridee

Dear Bridee Continued click here