On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:

Do not turn upside down.

(printed on bottom of the box)(Too late! You lose!) (I love it: food to piss you off.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning keep out of children.

(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.) (Or underground?)

On a Japanese food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

( Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

( DDDUUUHHH)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

(What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a childs superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

( That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

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