"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact 
nature of our wrongs."

	All of A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires . . . they all
deflate our egos.  When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. 
But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this
one.
	A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and
the character defects which cause or aggravate them.  If we have swept the searchlight of
Step Four back and forth over our careers, and it has revealed in stark relief those
experiences we'd rather not remember, if we have come to know how wrong thinking and
action have hurt us and others, then the need to quit living by ourselves with those
tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever.  We have to talk to somebody
about them.
\	So intense, though, is our fear and reluctance to do this, that many A.A.'s at first
try to bypass Step Five.  We search for an easier way -- which usually consists of the
general and fairly painless admission that when drinking we were sometimes bad actors. 
Then, for good measure, we add dramatic descriptions of that part of our drinking
behavior which our friends probably know about anyhow.
	But of the things which really bother and burn us, we say nothing.  Certain
distressing or humiliating memories, we tell ourselves, ought not be shared with anyone. 
These will remain our secret.  Not a soul must ever know.  We hope they'll go to the grave
with us.
	Yet if A.A.'s experience means anything at all, this is not only unwise, but is
actually a perilous resolve.  Few muddled attitudes have caused us more trouble than
holding back on Step Five.  Some people are unable to stay sober at all;  others will
relapse periodically until they really clean house.  Even A.A. oldtimers, sober for years,
often pay dearly for skimping this Step.  They will tell how they tried to carry the load
alone;  how much they suffered of irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression;  and how,
unconsciously seeking relief, they would sometimes accuse even their best friends of the
very character  defects they themselves were trying to conceal.  They always discovered
that relief never came by confessing the sins of other people.  Everybody had to confess
their own.
	This practice of admitting one's defects to another person is, of course, very
ancient.  It has been validated in every century, and it characterizes the lives of all
spiritually centered and truly religious people.  But today religion is by no means the sole
advocate of this saving principle.  Psychiatrists and psychologists point out the deep need
every human being has for practical insight and knowledge of their own personality flaws
and for a discussion of them with an understanding and trustworthy person.  So far as
alcoholics are concerned, A.A. would go even further.  Most of us would declare that
without a fearless admission of our defects to another human being we could not stay
sober.  It seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel our destructive
obsessions until we are willing to try this.
	What are we likely to receive from Step Five?  For one thing, we shall get rid of
that terrible sense of isolation we've always had.  Almost without exception, alcoholics are
tortured by loneliness.  Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off,
nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong.  Either we were shy, and
dared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisily cheerful craving attention and
companionship, but never getting it -- at least to our way of thinking.  There was always
that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor understand.  It was as if we were
actors on a stage, suddenly realizing that we did not know a single line of our parts. 
That's one reason we loved alcohol too well.  It did let us act extemporaneously.  But even
Bacchus boomeranged on us;  we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.
	When we reached A.A., and for the first time in our lives stood among people who
seemed to understand, the sense of belonging was tremendously exciting.  We thought the
isolation problem had been solved.  But we soon discovered that while we weren't alone
any more in a social sense, we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apartness. 
Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts, and had listened to someone
else do the same thing, we still didn't belong.  Step Five was the answer.  It was the
beginning of true kinship with people and with God.
	This vital Step was also the means by which we began to get the feeling that we
could be forgiven, no matter what we had thought or done.  Often it was while working
on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive
others, no  matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us.  Our moral inventory had
persuaded us that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely
tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it,
too.
	Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another
human being is humility -- a word often misunderstood.  To those who have made
progress in A.A., it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are,
followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.  Therefore, our first practical
move toward humility must consist of recognizing our deficiencies.  No defect can be
corrected unless we clearly see what it is.  But we shall have to do more than see.  The
objective look at ourselves we achieved in Step Four was, after all, only a look.  All of us
saw, for example, that we lacked honesty and tolerance, that we were beset at times by
attacks of self-pity or delusions of personal grandeur.  But while this was a humiliating
experience, it didn't necessarily mean that we had yet acquired much actual humility. 
Though now recognized, our defects were still there.  Something had to be done about
them.  And we soon found that we could not wish or will them away by ourselves.
	More realism and therefore more honesty about ourselves are the great gains we
make under the influence of Step Five.  As we took inventory, we began to suspect how
much trouble self-delusion had been causing us.  This had brought a disturbing reflection. 
If all our lives we had more or less fooled ourselves, how could we now be so sure that
we weren't still self-deceived?  How could we be certain that we had made a true catalog
of our defects and had really admitted them, even to ourselves?  Because we were still
bothered by fear, self-pity, and hut feelings, it was probable we couldn't appraise ourselves
fairly at all.  Too much guilt and remorse might cause us to dramatize and exaggerate our
shortcomings.  Or anger and hurt pride might be the smoke screen under which we were
hiding some of our defects while we blamed others for them.  Possibly, too, we were still
handicapped by many liabilities, great and small, we never knew we had.
	Hence it was most evident that a solitary self-appraisal, and the admission of our
defects based upon that alone, wouldn't be nearly enough.  We'd have to have outside help
if we were surely to know and admit the truth about ourselves -- the help of God and
another human being.  Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being
willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight
thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility.
	Yet many of us still hung back.  We said, "Why can't 'God as we understand God'
tell us where we are astray?  If the Creator gave us our lives in the first place, then God
must know in every detail where we have since gone wrong.  Why don't we make our
admissions to God directly?  Why do we need to bring anyone else into this?"
	At this stage, the difficulties of trying to deal rightly with God by ourselves are
twofold.  Though we may at first be startled to realize that God knows all about us, we
are apt to get used to that quite quickly.  Somehow, being alone with God doesn't seem as
embarrassing as facing up to another person.  Until we actually sit down and talk aloud
about what we have so long hidden, our willingness to clean house is still largely
theoretical.  When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been
honest with ourselves and with God.
	The second difficulty is this:  what comes to us alone may be garbled by our own
rationalization and wishful thinking.  The benefit of talking to another person is that we
can get their direct comment and counsel on our situation, and there can be no doubt in
our minds what that advice is.  Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous.  How
many times have we heard well-intentioned people claim the guidance of God when it was
all too plain that they were sorely mistaken.  Lacking both practice and humility, they had
deluded themselves and were able to justify the most arrant nonsense on the ground that
this was what God had told them.  It is worth noting that people of very high spiritual
development almost always insist on checking with friends or spiritual advisers the
guidance they feel they have received from God.  Surely, then, we novices ought not lay
ourselves open to the chance of making foolish, perhaps tragic, blunders in this fashion. 
While the comment or advice of others may be by no means infallible, it is likely to be far
more specific than any direct guidance we may receive while we are still so inexperienced
in establishing contact with a Power greater than ourselves.
	Our next problem will be to discover the person in whom we are to confide.  Here
we ought to take much care, remembering that prudence is a virtue which carries a high
rating.  Perhaps we shall need to share with this person facts about ourselves which no
others ought to know.  We shall want to speak with someone who is experienced, who not
only has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other serious difficulties.  Difficulties,
perhaps, like our own.  This person may turn out to be one's sponsor, but not necessarily
so.  If you have developed a high confidence in a sponsor whose temperament and
problems are close to your own, then such a choice will be good.  Besides, your sponsor
already has the advantage of knowing something about your case.
	Perhaps, though, your relation to your sponsor is such that you would care to
reveal only a part of your story.  If this is the situation, by all means do so, for you ought
to make a beginning as soon as you can.  It may turn out, however, that you'll choose
someone else for the more difficult and deeper revelations.  This individual may be entirely
outside of A.A. -- for example, a member of the clergy or your doctor.  For some of us, a
complete stranger may prove the best bet.
	The real tests of the situation are your own willingness to confide and your full
confidence in the one with whom you share your first accurate self-survey.  Even when
you've found the person, it frequently takes great resolution to approach her or him.  No
one ought to say the A.A. program requires no willpower;  here is one place you may
require all you've got.  Happily, though, the chances are that you will be in for a very
pleasant surprise.  When your mission is carefully explained, and it is seen by the recipient
of your confidence how helpful they can really be, the conversation will start easily and
will soon become eager.  Before long, your listener may well tell a story or two about
themselves which will place you even more at ease.  Provided you hold back nothing, your
sense of relief will mount from minute to minute.  The dammed-up emotions of years
break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed.  As
the pain subsides, a healing tranquillity takes its place.  And when humility and serenity are
so combined, something else of great moment is apt to occur.  Many A.A.'s, once agnostic
or atheistic, tell us that it was during this stage of Step Five that they first actually felt the
presence of God.  And even those who had faith already often become conscious of God
as they never were before.
	This feeling of being at one with God and humanity, this emerging from isolation
through the open and honest sharing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a resting
place where we may prepare ourselves for the following Steps toward a full and
meaningful sobriety.

NEXT

HOME