In my story of dealing with polio and early PPS, I shared about some of the physical changes that alarmed me and caused me to start seeking answers. I found myself thinking this evening about what aspect of Post Polio Syndrome bothered me the most. Obviously, I did not like going from crutches to a powerchair. That was a very emotional issue for me. I think that the changes I struggle with the most, though, are not just physical. They are mental and emotional. I have found myself commenting more than once recently that it seems like it is much harder to concentrate than it used to be. I occasionally find myself reading and rereading "heavy" material. It is like trying to view something through a fog. I can make it out, but not clearly. This really upsets me. There were times I wondered if I was loosing my mind. I have always been a good reader, with excellent comprehension and retention. Now there are times I am and times I am not. Of course, this is seems to be related to fatigue. When I am tired, I must recognize that my cognitive abilities may be somewhat limited.
The one thing that has helped me deal with this is the fact that so many other PPSers report the same thing. I call it "brain fog." The popular term for it is brain fatigue. It is good to know I am not the only one experiencing this. However, it is disconcerting to know that it is typical of Post Polio Syndrome.
Another area I struggle with is depression. Several years ago my medical doctor began treating me for clinical depression. I have been on an antidepressant for about 12 years now. There have been a couple of times I haver tried to ween off the medication, but I have never been able to go more than two weeks without it. Depression was not ever a significant problem before the PPS symptoms began appearing. Again, this seems to be a topic that appears frequently in articles about Post Polio. Even with the medication, I can still experience some depression, but it is manageable. There is a lot I can do to help protect myself from getting depressed. What I think about and the music I listen to are very important. How I see myself is also key.
These new limitations call for adjustments, but they do not mean I have become less of the person I was. If you are dealing with Post Polio Syndrome or some other debilitating disease, the same is true for you. You are not less than you used to be. It is possible to not only adjust, but to be an overcomer.
Being an overcomer is not something that just happens. It is a choice. For me, it is rooted in choosing to use the resources God has given me through my relationship with Jesus Christ.
