He's over there sitting on a bench by the school library. Some of his underclassmen friends are there with him.
They stand against the wall looking malnourished in their bunched-up jeans. One of them cracks an awful joke, and they would all laugh like hell. And for a minute they looked as if they might be alive. Otherwise they stood there, just hanging out and wasting away. Looking at each other stupidly, looking at the girls with hands between their legs... in general, putrefying... Lined up against the wall like convicts waiting to be shot.
Jack was the intellectual among them. Early on, the little pricks snatched him for their own, to help them out with homework etc. Jack is such a nerd he can't say no to anything, and before you knew it he was being used by the flunkies a few classes under us. Once you're in a clique, you stick. That's the way it works.
Anyhow, I picked up from Jack that the test scores were in, so we ran to get in line.
Everybody there was chattering anxiously except for us two. Jack never talked much. Every time I see him, he looked like somebody just beat him up. He was a stub with a big acne-rotten head that always sagged and wagged like it was gonna roll off. Work was what kept Jack going, grueling, pointless work. He kept his nose to the grindstone and didn't say much except in sudden flashes. He never complained, I gotta give him that.
So we were waiting in line, and I start contemplating out loud. "There it stands, over those hills..." I pointed past Jack, "The University. It's so big, and we're all trying to squeeze in. It's almost like Kafka's castle..."
Jack said, "Hmm." He wasn't listening, of course.
"Or maybe I think college is like a woman... " I started, "you know, you can never stick with only one, because you know she's going to reject you, so you play four or five of them in your hand, a juggling act... "
Then someone behind me laughs, "Haha! Talking about women?" and Sonia was leering at me. She was about a head taller than me or Jack, and the smell of her long wavy hair made me wobbly. "Hey, look at the pimps!" she cackled, "you gotta stop pimping so much! It's bad for your health, macho men. Hahaha!" How was I supposed to come back to her when I was so dizzy? She was backed by two burly guys, which made things worse, cuz you could see they were both trying to impress her. They shoved us around a bit, and Jack got his pants pulled off of him.
It was then that it hit me. I was completely in the pits now... in the valley of lepers, among the lost and damned, who miss out on all the fun... Once you're in, you don't get out. Unpopularity sticks to you, an incurable disease. Anyone can read it in your face. Contempt, more naturally than love, transcends all cultural barriers.
"Don't you worry, Jim, don't let it wear you down." Jack suddenly started to talk. It made me jump.
"They swagger and shoot their stuff around now, these punks! Just wait ten years and see! We'll be through college then, living comfortable! With six-figure incomes! Then we'll have the good cars and houses, and then the women will come! They'll flock to us! Like swans!" He waved his skinny arms. Jack had his flashes of poetry now and then.
"I don't know..." I muttered, scraping my shoes on the concrete. I felt like total shit.
"I'm tellin' you! Then all those bastards that slap us around are going to be bums! Real women don't like bums! But we'll have all the money, we can give them anything their hearts desire..."
The truth is, Jack is probably impotent. From masturbating... fifty times a day, I think!... I caught him twice in the bathroom... he'll never touch women. But we all have to deceive ourselves somehow. Lies are as essential a part of our daily diet as proteins and carbohydrates. You gotta keep on going, don't you?...