Welcome! Here you will find even more Dave Foley quotes!

• "Why are you afraid you are missing something?"
• "Damn joggers! They think they own these paths."
• "I'm roller-blading. I'm roller-blading. I'm--how old are you?--roller-blading!"
• "You've been shot Jerry!"
• "Oh, son! Son, how many girls called you today? Zero? And how many called you yesterday? Lemme guess, zero? Well, you know what they say, son. Zero plus zero equals FAG! Zero times any other number always equals FAG! Think about it, ya little mathematician."
• "Gonna use that spell checker from now on?"
• "Son! son, wake up! Wake up! It's midnight Christmas Eve and I just wanted to say thank you, son I don't deserve this, son. I don't deserve anything to be honest with you. What the hell is this? Tap shoes? I don't dance...I can't dance, ya little bastard!"
• "Well, it's a movie about the male member."
• "Need a lift, chubby?"
• "Well, jump on in fatso. So where you headed lumpy? Where's a great fat thing like you off to?"
• "Soo...what's a big lump of lard doing in Kitchener? I mean what's a town like Kitchener have to offer a wide-ass two ton hunk of humanity, like yourself? Cuz, you know, it's a small town; you sure you'll fit? So I gotta ask, why Kitchener, 'hmm, you walkin' talkin' sebaceous gland?"
• "Ooo. So, the family fat's having a fat family reunion, huh? A whole flabby clan gathered together in the front yard playin' lawn darts on wobblt thighs. Is that the idea? Am I paintin' an accurate portrait of this spectacle? Huh? Oh my God there's an elephant in the car!"
• "Rogue elephant! Rogue elephant! Save the children. Oh, it's just you. Oh boy am I hungry. You know, I haven't had anything to eat in about, uh an hour. You ever done that? You ever gone a whole hour without eating? Guess not, not a man of your remarkable girth. Boy, are you fat!"
• "Get the hell out of my car, fatso! C'mon drag your cavernous stretch marks out of my car."
• "Yeah, go shout it from the mountain! Wait a minute! You are the mountain! God I hate fat people. I hate what it says about there personality. Why, would you look at that truck. Hey! Why don't you get that fat thing off the road, ya fat bastard! Jeez."
• "Terrific. Now suppose, all day long, all I did was eat chicken salad sandwiches, and at the completion of each sandwich, I phoned you and told you about it. Wouldn't you start to get bored?"
• "Oh no. He's dead. He's dead again. Oh no. Is that it? Huh? Are you dead again? Huh? Huh?"
• "Call me when you're alive again, okay?"
• "Yeah, right. I'm stupid. I'm a moron."
• "Yeah, yeah, I guess I could take him. I guess I could beat up my father. Course, he's seventy."
• "Ah. I guess I'd wait till he was in the den. Yeah, wait till he's in the den watching 'Alf' eating off the TV tray wearing those slippers. And then I, and then I'd blind him with salt, bash him with the channel changer and, and then I'd take down that bid marlin over the bar. You know that stuffed marlin I've been staring at all my life. I'd take that baby down and, well, no more 'Alf' today daddy."
• "Did I miss the big cookie? I did so want to be here for the big cookie."
• "I hate crazy people!"
• "Master, where have I been?"
• "You know damn well I'm your wife."
• "John, if you don't get into bed this minute, I am goto get a baseball bat, and thrash you within an inch of your life."
• "Don't worry. I'll hold you."
• "Bonjour mon amour. Je suis tres horny ce soir! Call me if you want a hot time with a hot Quebecois stud lover!"
• "Ooh, I like your frocefelt tone. You are so how you say in Anglais...Butch."
• "I gotta lose some weight."
• "No, it is I who needs to stop you and your revolutionaries from taking over this country."
• "Well, it seems I'm just a little out of tune."
• "I guess we have bad taste in lamps."
• "COME BACK HERE YOU BITCHES!!"
• "I once shot a man just to watch him die, then I got distracted and I missed it."
• "...I've smoked pot...I've tried heroin...In fact I'm trying to cut down the number of times I try heroin in a day."
• "Welcome to the darkness pit."
• "No, I think it's a retarded game that requires no skill."
• "I'm just not good with small talk, ya prick!"
• "Guess what, son? You know that puppy that you've been wanting for a long time? Well, I bought you one today on the way home from work. But I got so hungry that I *ate* it! Don't cry, I'm just jokin'. I would never buy you a puppy."