Welcome! Here you will find even more Mark quotes!

• "Scuse me...can you tell me where the crab shampoo is?"
• "Ya know, crab shampoo, for my crabs. I...I...I...got crabs in my pubic hair."
• "You know, he's had the biggest crush on you."
• "Ah, good! See, I, uh, I'm not from around here. I'm from 'Merica. So, I'm not familiar with the crab section in these here Candian drug stores."
• "Hey! No, no, no come on, ya got anythin' uh, bigger? I mean I'm talkin' *crabs* son; there must be a million of them suckers squirmin' around down there. Hey...ya know a funny thing is...crabs...they actually look like crabs. I noticed that last night as I was examin' them under my magnifyin' glass. Isn't that funny?!"
• "GOD *Damn, they're itchy!!* Hey...you got a back scratcher or somethin'? Do you have those kinda things up here in Canada?"
• "Oh...thank ya! Alright now, let's see... Now this oughtta work, I mean I know this'd kill these American crabs, but these Canadian crabs are *tenacious* little mothers!"
• "Yeah, okay, is there anywhere I can try this thing out? Like a changin' room or somethin'? Do you have those kinda things up here in Canada?"
• "Okay. Guess I'll hafta take my chances. Now, I don't want you thinkin' I got crabs all the time...but sometimes, I get all horned up and forget to put on my little rubber friend! Y'understand that?"
• "Okay...I just wanna say that you Canadians got a beautiful country down here! 'cept for that little crab problem! Hyuk, Hyuk! Thanks again! Hey there, little darlin'! You wanna step out sometime?"
• "*D-UH!!* That's why I got the crab shampoo! To get rid of 'em. Look, tell ya what! You give me half an hour and come up to my hotel room. I'll be clean as a whistle!! Hey!! Bet I kiss better than your daddy!!"
• "I ain't apologizing to no car."
• "Moron, moron! Not going nowhere is a double negative!! That means you're going somewhere!"
• "Yeah, I wish my girlfriend had tits like that."
• "You can't fire me, I'm from France."
• "Oh yes, everyone is so flammable."
• "Two stops after I got on, these two unbelievable short people got on, and the way they were looking at me, I could tell. They wanted to bite my ankles!"
• "It is so cold out there, my head nearly fell off."
• "I'm updating my resume! I'm updating my resume!"
• "I'm crushing you head!"
• "You don't go dancing in the day. You don't go golfing in the night."
• "Thank God I'm not a diabetic!"
• "And...then with a crack that split the night, he put on his glasses, and headed north to track down the elusive all-night bus."
• "So sue me! My mother is!"
• "Drunk, at a wedding. Ask him to dance. Get him on the dance floor and then POW! Stay down, please sir!"
• "Drunk at a wedding. ASk him to dance. Get himout of the dance floor and then POW! I love you daddy."
• "Why thank you, it's a very sexist film, yeah."
• "Listen. Even the dogs are panting with passion."
• "The world must come to God, yeah."
• "The computer is almost programmed."
• "Dear Mark, I thought I was alone, until I saw you on TV. Having no sex appeal must be hard for you too. I'm curious, how do you live? How do you love? Please work your answer into a monologue, as I don't want to sign my real name. Thanks. P.S. Please don't kill yourself."
• "What that's too outrageous to say what you're saying."
• "Then my uncle would give off the smell of freshly baked bread which I love."
• "Hell, both of you stop it! Don't you guys remember what happened the last time?"
• "Morning, Mr. Mayor. I thought you weren't comin' back until Tuesday. That's what I thought, 'cuz that's what I heard, yeah."
• "You are scum."
• "Ow, my fucking finger."
• "We beat PENICILLAN!!!"
• "Ne vous allez pas au media. Don't go to the nedia."
• "I don't like the world now."
• "Who controls the oil companies?...Satan!"
• "He paused and said,'I'm shark, I eat, what can i do?' and then he cut me in half!!"
• "Walk erect much?"
• "Well, my nephew's seven, he's quite a tiger as I found out."
• "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!"
• "I fell down while making some toast."
• "Fuckin bike couriers man, fuckin bike couriers."
• "And because you were sneezing at the time of the murder, I find you not guilty."
• "Mr. underwood, when I come across men like you, I can hardly contain the vomit that is rising in my throat."