Welcome! Here you will find even more Scott quotes!

• "No, I'm really tired. I'm just going to stay in, watch TV, smoke a joint."
• "Well, a lot of people think I'm in the movies too. But porn eh?"
• "What! What? Six eggs?"
• "555-JERK? Oh, I get it."
• "My goal is not to shock and horrify, but to tell the truth. And if the truth shocks and horrifies, well...maybe you should get out more."
• "M*A*S*H,
  This show isn't
  M*A*S*H
  Yet it is a smash!
  So sit back and enjoy
  Buddy and his toy
  Cornygirl Cornygirl Cornygirl Cornygirl!"
• "You obviuosly haven't read my book!"
• "Things happen quickly in Buddy Babylon. Fine! I'll write you out of this chapter. Ther will be no reincorporation for you!"
• "You're a heartbreaker, Ralph! You've ruined me for other people. I just want you to know that. And, I had a really good time."
• "Would you turn off those goddamn Indigo Girls? If I have to listen to one more lesbian lament about lost love, I'm getting out of this car and walking to the nearest gay bar to suck everyone off!"
• "The devil made me do it! I'm possessed!"
• "That is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a photo shoot with my feet."
• "Once upon a time, there was a little girl who believed that the moon was made of cheese, that hearts were made of butterscotch, and that someday her prince would come. One day, while sick at home with a cold, curled up in front of the television, a strange man burst in, drank all of her Neo-Citron, hogged the remote, shit on the carpet, and wiped his ass with her flannel nighty. After that, she didn't believe in fairytales anymore."
• "You're too young for a nose job. Wait till you're at least as old as Tori Spelling was."
• "This is terrible. They know they're only supposed to drink at home. What am I going to do with them, Officer?"
• "Don't aim so low. I'd have asked for an elephant."
• "Don't say that about your mother. Think it. But don't say it."
• "Hey, wait a minute. Chaisin' Raisins was MY idea."
• "Shelley Long was better!"
• "I hope one day when you're a raisin, you'll look back on your days as a grape with regret."
• "You know, Doctor, you can heal yourself just by eating right. Eight weeks to optimum health, I always say."
• "Can't a gay man be friendly with a straight man without everyone rolling their eyes?"
• "Don't hate me for being animated."
• "Oh please, Belize."
• "I vowed that this time, I would show them! No. I'd show myself! No. I'd show them."
• "He's not my boyfriend. I just want to fuck him."
• "Now it was official. Granny Limp Dick was dead."
• "You know what, Persephone? If you think that hat and blanket hide your fat, you're sadly mistaken. You still look fat, just badly dressed and fat."
• "I had never seen a pig so insulted in all my life."
• "I realize that I hurt you, and I suppose an apology is in order. Now, I have never apologized to any human being in my life, but you're a pig, so I guess it's all right. I'm sorry."
• "As for Henry, nothing's changed. Exactly the same as he always was."
• "It cut back to the coatroom. Tom and Bill were on the bed with their pants down, necking. The one on the right had a monstrous shlong and the one on the left measured an inch and a half."
• "Damn, I never did got to see his penis."
• "His ass was completely flat. How could I have never noticed before."
• "Then I got his underwear and began to dance."
• "I was born on February 29, 1960, a leap year, thereby celebrating my birthday every four years. It ws inevitable I would become a homosexual."
• "I know it's petty, but I can't help but gloat that Whoppi Goldberg's book, Book, bombed. She should have called it Whoppi Babylon."
• "Some of my tales are not for the fainthearted. They may contain adult situations and language that may not be appropriate for younger readers. In other words, it's rated NC-17, so if you are under seventeen and reading this book, you're busted. All I ask is that you don't race ahead to the dirty parts, like I did with The Godfather."
• "On the way, I was overwhelmed by memories as I visited each special place-the tree where I blew Johnny Chevalier, the rock where I blew Maurice Legault, and the brook where I blew Bobby Bleu. These were memories that lit the corners of my mind."
• "And if you've just raced ahead to the dirty parts like I told you not to, go back, you brat."
• "It's us again. We are fine. The weather is fine. Mother is fine."
• "I'm sorry but I have a rule about dating creeps!"
• "Kathie, listen to me...the proof is in the pasta."
• "LISTEN BITCH ARE YOU FOR REAL?!!!"
• "When I say manage, I mean the whole ball of wax. Pitching, catching, running, hair, wardrobe, attitude."
• "She hates it when I write in French. I usually correspond in fag."
• "If you think I'm going to make a pussy joke, you're sadly mistaken."
• "She's a girl, and my friend...which technically makes her my girlfriend, if you want to be a stickler. Girlfriend, girlfriend, fiance, wife...she's my wife. WEll, I'm sure I'm sorry."
• "What? I was told they only live for six weeks, you know like sea monkeys."
• "You don't become black by fucking rappers, believe me I tried."
• "Well, I'm sure I'm sorry."
• "Sure, when would be convient? ugh....Wednesday, I'm free."
• "Besides, I get to study he woodland animals. I like the beaver, but the wolverine is my favourite, only wants to kill for pleasure!"
• "I pee through my penis!"
• "Oh my! Thirty-five degrees in Tampa Bay! Sheez!"
• "Oh what did you do? Chase some customers out of the store with a lamp?"
• "I'll have to wash my hair in a puddle."
• "That was abuse, pure and simple. Don't be suprised to see Brian and I on one of those daytime talk shows, spilling the beans."