The Great Dark Horde Legend....
of Pennsic 21
OK, first of all, it was my first War, and as a certified Pennsic virgin, nothing that happened was my fault. (Even if I WAS Khan at the time.)It was also the first (and so far, unfortunately, only) reign for both Rusalan and Margaret of the East, and Ronin and Katya of the Middle, and both had been courting us heavily. (At Swine & Roses in White Water, Ronin had even overruled the local autocrats and made room at head table for BOTH Keigan and Cianna to sit as my Khansorts at head table. Although I should probably let THEM tell how they forced the situation. :-) Shortly after I arrived on site, I received a messenger from the East with Rusalan's formal offer. Ronin's arrived shortly thereafter. They were largely comparable, but my judgment was that where they were not, the East had bid high. They had, for instance, offered us 'grazing rights' for 'all Tengri's mares' in their lands, a chance to do one bit of business in their Court, and the right to guard their wall on a day agreeable to both of us. Also, I had conflicting reports as to which side would actually be outnumbered. I read both letters aloud to the camp, and announced I would accept the East's offer. Someone (I'm sorry I forgot who) came to me later and asked if I'd sent notice to the East yet, and I said, no, I was sending a messenger with my regrets to Ronin, but would meet with Rusalan personally to announce our alliance. He said, "Good, when you do, would you ask to guard the gates at the same time as the walls?" I said, "I think that's sorta understood," He said, "Yeah, but make it explicit." Suddenly suspicious, I asked, "Why??" He said, "We've been to look at the gates, and they mount with a simple spring-loaded hinge. Take a couple of seconds to pop them off. If we have to guard them, it'd be a LOT easier to do it here in Horde Camp, doncha think?" I looked him for about three beats, and said, "Cool, we'll do it." We organized a procession, and marched to Eastrealm. Rusalan came out to meet us, and I did an impromptu speech, thanking him for his generosity and promising our aid in his just cause. Then, as we were preparing to leave, I turned and said, in afterthought, "Oh, Cousin Rusalan, on the day we come and guard your beautiful wall, would it be permitted for us to guard the gates as well?" He looked confused, and said, "Of course, that would be our pleasure." I grinned broadly, and said "Thank you, Dear Cousin. I assure you we will serve you beyond your expectations." That was their first warning. There was a Brother name Robi von Halstern who wanted to fight with his Kingdomer household instead of with us. This being my first War, I was more interested in learning the ropes and keeping peace than fixing problems. (I'd even gone riding and visiting with a couple of scurrilous rogues from across the street. Didn't I, Todric?) Luckily, his household were Easterners. So I decided to use the clause allowing us to do business in Eastrealm's court to read a proclamation assigning him to the von Halsterns for the duration 'as a sign of our long-standing friendship and in token of our alliance'. The people I asked to callig the proclamation (gosh it was pretty) did it up with our arms and the message in English in Latin letters on the left, and Uighur script, presumably the same thing in Mongolian, on the right. It wasn't. That part was in English, too. If they'd bothered to transliterate it, they'd have seen a variety of phrases the writers thought humorous. Among them was, "We will steal your gates on Saturday." That was their second warning. On the way back from Eastrealm court in the barn, we passed their gates, and, on impulse, pivoted to invoke another line in the offer letter. I addressed the guard, "May I see my Cousin Rusalan?" (Obviously, the answer would be no.) He glared and asked our business. I said, "We are come to claim the grazing rights in my Cousin's lands he promised to Tengri's Mares!" He looked at the crowd. "Mares?" he asked pointedly. On cue, several Hordeswomen behind me whinnied. (It was beautiful.) He sent for his Captain, and we repeated the process. Rather than cause an international incident (before we had performed OUR promised services) he let us in, while saying the 'grazing was poor' at the time. The 'Mares' can tell you what they did by way of 'grazing' (and why squire Tanaka should know Hordeswomen carry knives and SHARPEN them). There was a wagon full of home-brew, freshly loaded, which I tried convincing him was PRIME grazing, but we were unable to extort any of it. We ended up a while after we left actually helping them take it to its intended destination.
I won't go into how the raiding for banners and such-like got started, but others are welcome to. Suffice to say that, among other things, Midrealm seemed to refuse to learn to keep their gate manned with guards. But the morning of the Woods battle, I had been out late and was snuggled delightfully and warmly, trying to decide if I wanted to wake up enough to do more than snuggle, when we heard a voice at the door: "My Khan! Come see
what followed me home!" I crawled uphill to the door of my tent, unzipped the bottom and stuck my head out. There was Etienne, grinning brightly, holding the Middle's warbanner that had to lead them into the woods in less than an hour.
When we rounded the corner and started down the hill, we saw to our amusement that NOW they HAD guards out front, one on each side of the gate, standing at ease with their halberds shouldered. As though they had rehearsed it, in
perfect unison they turned bored faces toward our oncoming noise, looked away, did a perfect double-take, and snapped to attention and present arms. There was a lot of activity visible in MidRoyal, and the Pavilion's walls were dropped. Ronin stuck his head out and looked at us approaching, grinned as if he shoulda known, ducked back in to get his crown, and his lanky frame ambled to the gate to meet us. Saturday morning, bright and early, we marched down and assumed responsibility for guarding Eastrealm's wall while they went off to the day's battles. We had prepared carefully for this day. Quickly we manned the wall and placed guards before the gate. Once the last Easterner had gone off to his business, a big Horde banner was dropped over the center of the gate (mostly covering the Eastrealm arms there), the gates were pulled as planned, and the Ninja Yurt was trotted into place, filling the gap in the wall. (This was a thing of legend itself, and some of the people who manned it in various adventures are on this list, and should tell their stories. Suffice to say it was a miniature ger, with the frame lashed together so it could be picked up as a unit and walked about, and was of just sufficient height that a very tall Hordesman could peek out the smoke ring.) There were other 'improvements' made to the wall, but I can't recall them right now. I was back in Hordecamp when the gates came whipping by me on their way to the top of the Hill. They were lashed to two spears set in the ground for that purpose, and a smaller Horde banner hung from them. I went down to 'inspect the troops', and saw Anda running various capers all about Eastrealm Royal. But I was back in our camp again, being interviewed by the Daylie Tydings, when tempers began to flare there. I was observing a ceremony Eric the Dane was performing when I was told the reporter was there and wished to interview me. I granted her entrance and audience. She asked if the rumors were true that we had stolen the gates to Eastrealm's wall. I said, "Of course not! My dear Cousin Rusalan has given us the honor and responsibility of keeping his gates safe in his absence, and we have placed them here, in the safest place we know, so that we may protect them for him. I believe your Western term is 'protective custody'. And," I grinned, in my best Evil Overlord manner and, leaning forward, said, "we have reason to believe that there are Unscrupulous Rascals about." She smiled back, "I have no doubt. And I'm sure His Majesty of the East may have his gates back--after meeting your price." I said, "Not at all! We have merely taken this action to fulfill an agreement already made. Of course, we are encountering unexpected expenses, and there are the portage and storage fees, not to mention incidentals. But I am sure we can rely on my Cousin's well-deserved reputation for generosity to reward us properly for this service, which we hope is above and beyond his expectation." Or some drivel to that effect. The interview was printed in the paper the next day. After this word came up from Eastrealm that I needed to get down there. One of the Eastern squires was being remarkably bad-tempered over having to identify himself as part of the camp to enter or move about, and had, among other things, flipped the Ninja Yurt over (without hurting it.) When I got there, so did the East's Princess, Janna (HER first reign, too), still in armor. The rumors had reached the battlefield, and as she had been killed, Rusalan had sent her back to 'fix it or else.' She took it all in and said, "What's going on?!"
I said, "Oh, dear Cousin Janna, see all that we do to fulfill the wishes of your Father my Cousin!" and I gestured expansively at the scene. She was not impressed. She looked at the Yurt. "What's that?" I said, "As soon as Rusalan returns, he has but to ask..." She cried LOUDER. It was really unfair. I sent for the gates. She sniffled and smiled. I sulked. The intruding voice said, "And make sure they work properly. It took us HOURS to adjust them so they swung and closed properly." We rehung the gates. They worked perfectly the first time.
Later, at Closing Court, we marched before the assembled Notables of the Knowne Worlde and received the balance of our payment from Rusalan and Margaret. I grinned at them, and said, "We have striven to serve you beyond your expectation, as I promised. I hope you will agree we have kept our word, to the letter." There are many other stories from that War that deserve to be retold. The young Hordesman on his honeymoon who slit his wrist shortly after arriving. Tanaka's dance, before and after the knife. The embassy of Katok the Fool from the Spirit (later Red Phoenix) Horde. The Khansorts' abduction, and apparent slaying, by dread Pirates while on a shopping trip. How the Khan and retinue shook down every camp flying a Jolly Roger on our way back from the archery field in response. Bagshi of the Moritu being referred to as "His Other Dread Eminence", much to his irritation. The reason Checky Flamingoes Deserve No Respect. How Calontir despoiled Midrealm Royal (honest!) The stories Bedford's gloves and Midrealm's thrones could tell. The delivery of a whole slew of frogs. And so on. But they're all better told by others. And I'm sure that the ones I've told are skewed by my perspective, and my memory. There are sure to be details others could add, or correct. I'd really like to see a few. But all in all, my first War was as memorable an event as I could imagine. Thank you for letting me relive part of it.
Kevin |
