Fire Marshal Kip
Once Upon a time...
Actually, Pennsic XXII, but that's such a nice way to begin a story.
The Shadow legion had made a good showing and the Pink Palace way displayed in it's full glory. The Camp had been laid out carefully, with a large courtyard, a huge gatehouse and two separate kitchens. Dozens of tiki torches had been set up. A massive party had been planned. A mud wrestling ring had been set up. Professional bartenders had been hired. A large galvanized tarp frame had been custom made to hold about an acre and a half of orange sun/rain tarp a full twenty feet above our heads. A full cord of wood had been delivered. Musicians and drummers had been invited, or hired in some cases.
And Brychan O'Kypp had come camping with his friend Cliff for the first time in his life.
Brychan is the Captain of our pirate ship, er, I mean Merchant ship, and was a fresh faced newbie on his first camping trip. He followed Kane and Illyssa around like a puppy, asking questions, trying to be helpful, and mostly being underfoot.
Finally, while standing in the kitchen, Illyssa said "Kypp, get your butt out of my kitch- er, I mean, Kypp, I'm putting you in charge of digging a firepit."
Kypp bought it.
Armed with a fold-up entrenching tool, Kypp set about to dig a firepit worthy of the Shadow Legion. It was twenty five feet across, and almost four feet deep. It took Kypp all afternoon, for which we were all greatful. Into the pit went almost half a cord of firewood. When the logs had been piled up, Kypp climbed into the pit and held his lit bic lighter against a log. When the log failed to burst into flame, Kypp repeated this last step. After several tries, he went to find Illyssa, who was still in her kitchen.
Illyssa said "Kypp, in the first place, that firepit is too darned big, it takes up a third of the courtyard, and you've got half the wood for the entire camp, for the entire week in it. Go straighten it out."
Kypp filled the firepit halfway up, so that it was about twenty five feet across, and only about two and a half feet deep. He removed about three quarters of the wood. He then repeated the step with the bic lighter, and again the logs failed to burst into flame.
(We were sitting in the pool, er, I mean the fire bucket, drinking beer, er I mean lemonade, and trying not to laugh)
Kypp returned to Illyssa, who was still trying to work in her kitchen. Kypp walked up, stood directly in front of the "FLAMMABLES" locker and said, "It wont light, do you we have some lighter fluid or something?"
Kypp was able to get away uninjured.
Kypp came quickly out of the kitchen, and asked us what he should do. We were into our eleventh or twelfth lemonade,and we were less than helpful. Suggestions included kindling ("you know Kypp, twigs, sticks, and things"), and Stephen's very helpful "Kypp, you need some fuel for the fire!"
Thus armed, Kypp set about his business. I don't know how, but he gathered up a couple of bushes for kindling, and placed them on top of his pile of logs. He then went to the FLAMMABLES locker and grabbed the can labled "fuel" and a big plastic taco bell cup. He then returned to his firepit to do his duty.
It should be noted that, at this time, Kypp had a full, long, beard and a full head of long hair, as well as a suit of brand new garb.
It should also be noted that two of the things that makes Coleman fuel so useful for powering lanterns and stoves and such, are 1) it becomes gaseous at Very Low Temperatures and 2) Coleman fuel fumes are heavier than air.
Kypp returned to the firepit, and proceded to experiment with his "fuel". He discovered that the stuff "dried out" very quickly and seemed to have no smell at all. He decided that the best way to apply the fuel was to pour a full plastic taco bell cup of fuel on the pile and then quickly apply the bic lighter. He experimented a couple of times to test the drying time.
Finally, Kypp poured all the remaining fuel from his can into the cup and readied himself for the lighting process.
At this point Sasha, who was in the firebucket with us, noticed that Kypp might be in actual danger and started getting our attention.
The sounds we heard were...
Sasha " Kypp, are you sure you wa--"
Splash (coleman fuel hitting the wood)
click (Kypp flicking his bic)
rip (Kypp passing through the acryllic canvas of the Palace facade. He missed the scaffolding by about one foot)
thump (Kypp landing in the street)
We ran in a panic to the spot where we expected to find Kypp's remains. The sound of the explosion had been loud enough, we later found out, to stop the woods battle early. We were sure that Kypp was dead.
Kypp lying, alive, in the street. His beard and hair were gone, except in patches, his face was covered in soot, making him look a lot like Al Jolson. His new garb was almost gone, but nobody noticed that, because it was now soot black, just like the body underneath. Smoke was actually curling up in small whisps from his body.
He opened his eyes. They looked impossibly white against his soot black skin.
Kane arrived, visibly shaken, he bent over Kypp and said "My Goodness! Kypp, are you OK?"
Kypp looked up at Kane and said