The Swan Song

There are three ways stories start.

The first intro you know. these stories start "Once upon a time..." and we tell these stories to our parents and our children.

The second intro goes "No shit, there we were!" and we tell these stories to each other.

The third kind of stories start "Back when Acid was still called 'Hey, Man, try this'" and (if your lucky) these stories are told by Old Rolling Stones Roadies, and by me.

But, anyway, Back when acid was still called "Hey man, try this", there was a new household of fighters, called the Eagles, visiting their first war, Border Raids III (I think, my memory is kind of fuzzy, it's been that way since Lollapalooza). Leading these wicked bandits was a very young fighter named Kane Redfeather, and his young girlfriend Ilissa the Knightwatcher (Oops I mean Nightwatcher). Among these young fighters were many you would recognize today with "Sir", "Master", or "DookSur" attached to their names today, but at the time, nobody had been recognized.

As it happened, there were a few lovely swans swimming in the lake there, and Ilissa thought that they were lovely. Kane had gotten paid that friday, more than he expected, and he told Ilissa that she could have anything she wanted as a gift from him, thinking she would pick out some outfit that he would enjoy much more than she did, but the young lady said...

"Cliffy, I want a swan."

"Cliffy", though clearly not expecting this answer, figured he knew where he could get a swan, and he had a bunch of boys to go and get it.

You see, the Eagles took "pledges" and the Eagles had several "pledges" at the raid that year.

So Cliff gathered all the pledges together and said "you heard the lady, she wants a swan..." and off into the lake went the pledges.

I have met several of these pledges, and all of them made me promise not to reveal their Identities. They did tell me however, that if I can avoid tangling with a swan in the water, I should do so, at all costs. There were several broken noses in that frakas, and several "turned" fingers as well. But the boys brought the swan in, wrapped and struggling in a cloak. And they presented it to Kane.

Kane looked at the struggling mass of cloth, and said "You know, I think that this lovely bird is really too good for the likes of us. Let's give it to the King."

The King of Meridies at the time was Duke Sir John the Mad Celt (AKA "Hair John", not "Bear John"), and he was especially fond of Kane, having seen his patented sense of humor before.

Kane, in the meantime, had hunted down the king of the Midrealm (the Midrealm also participates in Border Raids) and kept saying things like "Hey your Maj', I'm Kane, what time is it?" the King would tell him what time it was, and Kane would give him another Beer. Kane thus "established his Alibi" an important Ninja skill.

Meanwhile, The Pledges (some of whom you know) had "staked out" HRM Duke Sir John's tent, and had hidden the struggling Cob into the royal sleeping bag. Then we waited.

Round' 'Bout 3:00a.m. HRM came staggering back to his tent, singing a little ditty about mothers and troopships. He let himself into his tent, and began to get undressed. We knew when he had noticed that he wasn't alone when he said, in his deep Meridian voice...

"Darlin', we done talked about this, and I'm a married Man, and you need get out of my bed roll, put on your clothes, and go home. And you need to do it RIGHT NOW."

(We were rolling outside the tent, trying not to make any noise, as his Majesty continued...)

"Darlin', You heard me, go on, before I have to throw you... WHAT THE HELL!?!"

We figured at that point he had noticed that the lady in his bedroll wasn't quite human. We laughed so hard that we just about wet ourselves.

One thing about the Mad Celt, he's fast, really fast. About three blinks later, John was standing outside his tent, holding in his left hand, a struggling swan's long neck, and in his other, a naked four foot sword. He had sliced his own opening in the royal tent, and he was Royally Pissed. We split fast.

About five minutes later, the King found Kane hiding under a table in the feast hall (With the King of the Midrealm who was under the table for reasons of his own). He (and many of his knights) dragged Kane to the front of the hall and said "I don't know how you did it, and I can't prove you did it, but I am holding you responsible for it. If one bird in meridies trips and breaks his leg, and you have nothing to do with it, We're gonna make you pay for it. If a Bird you never met gets a cold, were gonna make you pay for it. If a bird breaks a wing, were gonna break your arm. You are now the protector of all things feathered in Meridies."

This is how Kane got his first title. Honest.