The Honor of the Clans.
There was a lovely, young, shapely, blonde, young queen of Meridies named Illyssa, who was very young. The Queen had a reputation for appearing in about one and a half square feet of "bunny fur". Some of Her subjects liked her reputation. Some of Her subjects disliked Her reputation. All of Her subjects agreed they were glad She had The Figure To Get Away With It. She was also very young.
Her Majesty was at the Great War (pennsic, for the unenlightened), and three times that day, His Majesty Lord Kane, King of Merides, had been accosted by winded messengers telling him that some "tuchux wench" had stolen the Crown of Meridies. Three times that day His majesty had explained that the wench in question was Her Majesty shopping on a particularly hot day.
Meanwhile in the Bazaar, Her Majesty, amused at watching Her ladies in waiting perspire, was approached by a VERY polite, VERY defferent young man (I swear, that's what she said) who said "Excuse me, my name's such and such, and I'm tuchux, and I think you are the Queen of Meridies. I would like to kidnap you and carry you off to Tuchux Hill. It'll be fun. We'll give you all the mead you want, and you can bring your ladies in waiting."
To this Her Majesty replied, "Can my ladies have all the mead they want too?"
"Sure" replied the would-be Queen-napper.
"I've got some shopping to do, I don't want to be rushed."
"Take your time" By this time the lad was believing she might actually go along with it.
"I mean it, I don't want to be rushed. Not at all." the Queen said.
"If I get to be the Dog who stole a Kingdomer Queen this war, you can sit all day in the street for all I care" Pledged the Kidnapper.
"And we can have all the mead we want?" The Queen asked again.
"Yep."
"It's a deal."
Now, a word of background is in order. You see, Queen Illyssa (who was very young and beautiful) already knew a Tuchux warrior. Illyssa knew a Tuchux dog named Wolf the Mighty. Wolf was a national level Karate competitor, just like Illyssa the Young Queen. They knew each other in passing because they had been at the same place, doing the same thing a number of times, and they had developed a passing respect for each other.
When Wolf the Mighty saw the very Young and Lovely Queen sitting in the road outside the Tuchux camp, he knew something was up. He also knew better than to say anything until he knew exactly what was going on. He was also, I neglected to mention, as close to a leader as the Tuchux had ever had, being, at the time the feircest dog in the pack, so to speak.
So Wolf the Mighty strolled past the Very Young Queen Illyssa without so much as looking at her. This is in itself impressive as the queen was very young and very beautiful. He went into his Teepee and asked his comely wench to tell him please what was going on in his camp. When he found out he started smiling. He turned to his wench and said "Bring me a piece of paper, I need you to take Cliff Easley a note, he's King of Meridies this year."
Meanwhile, The young queen and her ladies in waiting were drinking mead like it was free, because it was. You see, the young queen had (and still has) a weakness for strong, well aged mead. she also had half a dozen dixie girls drinking with her, defending the honour of the crown, as it were. For some reason, it always appears that a southern girl can always handle her liquor better than any man with her.
Queen Illyssa was enjoying herself. She had all the mead she could drink, her buddies with her, she was in the shade, and an attractive, barely dressed, and genial young man was, in effect, waiting on her hand and foot. She was also a national level Karate Champion. She couldn't have been moved with a bulldozer.
The young kidnapper was beginning to get a little worried He had already run out of his own mead, and his buddies were running low. that year the Tuchux had been hired by the east kingdom, and they had given the 'chux each a case of strong mead. That had been a week ago, and most of the mead was gone. What little remained was being gathered up by the kidnappers, who were ecoming less popular all the time. And Wolf the Mighty was still smiling, because he knew what was coming next.
Now by this time Our kidnapper, galant though he was, was getting a little worried. He had already traded off his knife, his pouch, his belt, his coleman stove and lantern, his hammer, all his tentpegs, and five sheep to be named later. He was having a lot of trouble keeping up with the apetites of the southern women. There was no mead left to be had on tuchux hill, because the kidnapper had traded for all of it. All of it except the five cases Wolf the Mighty had stashed in his tent.
Wolf knew what was coming. He had seated himself in a "meditation" position on the floor. He had subtle incense burning. His naked sword rested on the floor of the tent. He put on his best "angry Sensei" look and fought to keep himself from cracking up when he heard the scratch at the flap of his Teepee.
The young Queen napper entered Wolf's Teepee, sheepishly. Wolf gave him his best glare, and the boy nearly wet himself.
"Why are you disturbing me?" wolf asked quietly.
The Young Dog explained his problem, and explained how he thought Wolf's mead would help. About halfway through the litany, Wolf closed his eyes and visibly calmed his breathing. Wolf's face turned red, aparantly in anger.
"Let me get this straight. You promised a kingdomer queen, in front of Her Bodyguards and Her Ladies in waiting, that the Tuchux tribe would give her all the mead she wants, and all her buddies too. Now you can't pay off, but because you have exposed the tribe to ridicule, I have to give up MY MEAD to cover your butt. Is that right?"
The young kidnapper nodded. This interveiw was no going the way he planned. He swallowed.
Wolf was silent for a long time. The Young Hiwayman realized that wolf's tent was filled with various implements that killed people.
The young hiwayman realized that wolf was biting his lower lip and clenching his fists.
Wolf, without opening his eyes, picked up his sword in front of him, placed it in its scabbard, and set the scabbard under his sleeping pallet. It looked a little like Wolf the Mighty might lose his Temper.
When Wolf the Mighty finally spoke, it was so quiet he could barely be heard. "Not only do you not speak for the entire Tuchux Nation, It is not my job to bail you out of the hole you dug for yourself. I also want you to know that if you manage to drag the mud of the Clans in the mud, I will be very, very disappointed. Now get out of my tent."
Thus it was, that at great court at Pennsic War, that a young Tuchux dog had to present himself to His Majesty (ld) Kane Redfeather, and ask him to "please Sir, come and take your wife back."
Any reports that he was forced to say "Triple Pretty please with Sugar, Honey and Chocolate chips on top." Are completely untrue.
We all know Kane would never do anything like that.