Come all ye fine ladies and listen to me
If you think maid or lover is acting too free
If suspicions arouse and there is many a clue
Just pray it's a woman and not, say, a ewe.

Chorus

And it's men, men, drink to the men
Drain mug or goblet, and raise it again.
Although they are trouble they're still one in ten
It's worth every minute, so drink to the men.

Oh men are strange critters, and given to lust,
And rare is the one who is worthy of trust.
When love is concerned in such matters one knows,
They're best led around by the balls, not the nose.

Chorus

Now if you find out that his love is a sheep,
Don't worry , she's warm and she's easy to keep.
She'll not ask for diamonds or rubies or wine,
And served up with mint sauce she'll taste mighty fine.

Chorus

If he looks for too long now, and boys are his choice,
Don't cry them out fool, lass, stand up and rejoice.
His new lighter love might be manly and fair
And if you ask sweetly then maybe he'll share.

Chorus

If his heart's desire seems really quite young
In fact at an age where a lullaby is sung
Just send off a note the town constable's way
Then smile, give her cookies and send her to play.

Chorus

Now should your love's taste run to leather and chains
Jelly and butter and other things strange
If such does amuse you then join in the fun
If not see that he is the receiving one.

Chorus

If worse comes to worse, now, and he's his own love
Don't send up your cries to the heavens above
Just dust off his clothes, give his mirror a shine
And you and his ego will get along fine.

Chorus

If you've found no comfort in what I have said,
You're tired of his quirks and you wish he was dead.
Don't slice up your lover, for murder's a crime
Just find you another and have a good time.

Chorus