THE SCA HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG

tune: "Volga Boatmen"

Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)
Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)

Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far

May the candles on your cake
burn like cities in your wake

Fear and gloom and darkness yet
no one found out YOU KNOW WHAT

You're a period cook, its true
ask the beetles in the stew

Now your jail-bait days are done
let's go out and have some fun!

You must marry very soon
baby's due the next full moon

Were I sitting in your shoes
I'd go out and sing the blues

Now you've lived another year
age to you is like stale beer

Long ago your hair turned grey
now it's falling out, they say

It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year

See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace

Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et

This one lesson you must learn
FIRST you pillage, THEN you burn

While you eat your birthday stew
We will sack a town for you

Death will come before the dawn
Now's the time to party on!

People starving on the earth,
Go ahead, eat your dessert,

Rape the horses while they sleep,
See the women wail and weep

Your ship of fortune arrives at last
Plague death flag nailed to its mast

You hear the pitter patter of little feet
Midget thieves have burgled your keep

Your daughter's face could crack a mirror
Your firstborn son is acting queer

Burn the Castle and storm the keep
Kill the Women but SAVE THE SHEEP!

Hear the women wail and weep,
kill them all but spare the sheep!

May your deeds with sheep and yaks
equal those with sword and axe

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you

They stole your gold, your sword, your house
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse

so you're 29 again
don't tell lies to your good friend

So another year has passed
don't look now they're gaining fast!

the Black Death has struck your town
you yourself feel quite run-down

We brought you linen, white as clouds
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud!

So far death you have bypassed
Don't look back it's gaining fast

I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me

Burn, then rape by firelight
Add -romance- to life tonight!

Birthdays come but once a year,
Marking time as Death draws near

Now you've lived another year,
And your death is drawing near.

Raise your cup of bitter cheer,
Make the barman eat his ear

We like children, yes we do
baked or broiled or in a stew.

Famine, fear, and fire and flood,
Can't keep your face out of the mud.

News that fills our hearts with fear:
They've proved cancer's caused by beer

Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what!

Children dying far and near
They say that cancer's caused by beer

Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near,

Now you've reached the age you are
Your demise cannot be far

Like the wrinkles in your lace
time is etched upon your face

when you've reached your age you know
That the mind is first to go

Now you've lived another year
And your death is drawing near

It's your birthday; never fear;
You'll be dead this time next year

Children dying everywhere
Women crying in despair

Typhoid, plague and polio
Coffins lined up in a row

May the children in the street
Be your barbequeing meat

Your friends are here, your enemies too,
We just don't know who is who....

May the women that you see
Not have sense enough to flee