The Lords Song 

(to the tune of "Sweet Betsy from Pike")

CHORUS
Lords, Lords, I like the Lords
I likes em best when they come in a horde.
Tall ones and short ones
Both dark and fair haired
From poets to fighters, we don't really care

When I have a few drinks and my senses are dim
I hitch up my skirts and go looking for him.
"Whom," do you ask me, "are you looking for?"
I say, "He's the one not passed out on the floor."

I like a man who runs by in a kilt
Often I wonder how well he is built.
Isn't that wool really scratchy and hot
I'm willing to find out if he let's me on top.

I likes a man in a toga for sure
Brings to mind the tales of Ben Hur.
Crack your whip faster, light my chariot on fire
The temples are burning with flames of desire.

I likes a man in a tunic of celts
One look at the knotwork makes my heart melt.
His hair long and braided his body enrobed
I'll take him right here right now in the road.

I likes a man with ruffles and lace
And doesn't he have such a young pretty face.
With velvet and feathers he looks quite the fop
But, oh no, you'll never here me cry stop.

I likes the knights so tall and so proud
On the battlefield he does please the crowd.
He likes when I call him a big handsome ape.
But what can he do with that roll of duct tape.

I likes a man with those big pantaloons
The thoughts of his jewels make us all swoon
He wears a big codpiece like Henry the VIII
Some day I'll find out if its real or just fake.

I likes a man in a loin cloth of fur
I don't even mind that he only says "Dur!"
Muscles that ripple the brain of a gnat
But there are no complaints with a body like that.

We love all the men in the SCA
We love em so much they don't have to pay
We love em by moonlight till they howl like a dog (oooooowwwwww)
And then we silently leave in the fog.