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Jeff's Review of:

James Bond marathon

Dec. 14, 1999

The 007 marathon on TBS Superstation is always one of the best 15 days of the year, and this year I actually had time to watch many that I haven't seen, or was much younger when I did. Therefore, I have a fresh look at the following James Bond films, and am able to provide a brief look at each. My big brother, Scott, is more of a Bond aficianado, but this is my web-site!

You Only Live Twice
1967, 1 hr 57 min., Rated PG. Dir: Lewis Gilbert. Cast: Sean Connery (James Bond), Akiko Wakabayashi (Aki), Donald Pleasance (Ernst Stavro Blofeld), Mie Hama (Kissy Suzuki), Tetsuro Tamba (Tiger Tanaka), Teru Shimada (Mr. Osato), Karin Dor (Helga Brandt), Bernard Lee (M), Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny), Desmond Llewelyn (Q).

You Only Live Twice is one of the better Bond adventures, with several classic elements one expects to see in a 007 flick:

  • Sean Connery as James Bond 007, not to mention the other original castmembers still in their prime, so the speak, such as Miss Moneypenny, Q and M.
  • A bevy of Asian babes. I hate to dig out some of my fetishes, but I have a 'thing' for women on the western side of the Pacific Ocean from the U.S.
  • Ninjas! An army of the ancient warriors is trained and put into battle. Unfortunately, samurai swords aren't much of a match against dozens of machine guns in the volcano crater.
  • There are great gadgets, such as a mini-helicopter/plane armed with guns and missles to take out larger choppers
  • The villain is Ernst von Blofeld, the most recognizable in the series.
  • Great score.

The Man With the Golden Gun
1974, 2 hrs, Rated PG. Dir: Guy Hamilton. Cast: Roger Moore (James Bond), Christopher Lee (Scaramanga), Britt Ekland (Mary Goodnight), Maud Adams (Andrea Anders), Hervé Villechaize (Nick Nack), Clifton James (J.W. Pepper), Richard Loo (Hai Fat), Soon-Tek Oh (Hip), Marc Lawrence (Rodney), Bernard Lee (M), Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny), Desmond Llewelyn (Q), Marne Maitland (Lazar).

Roger Moore was a good choice to replace Connery, once the George Lazenby hiccup was over after "On Her Majesty's Secret Service." Not that Lazenby wasn't capable, he was decent, but Moore brings more to the role.

Moore's Bond films always mention that 007 has a "license to kill," but are also aware of his sex appeal. While not as come-hither as Connery, Moore's confidence and attitude adds to his portrayal.

The Man With the Golden Gun is classic Bond, making good use of its Far East locales, gadgets and action. I wish Christopher Lee would have received more screen time, though, as Scaramanga. He's such a good actor, and is so sinister and hip, that it's a shame he wasn't on screen more often.

Lee wasn't even on the screen as much as Nick Nack, played by Hervé Villechaize, the midget from "Fantasy Island." You know, the "ze plane, ze plane!" guy. His character was a hoot, though, battling Moore and creating havoc as Scaramanga's sidekick. He's the complete opposite of every other Bond "muscle" who use their brawn to compensate for no brains.

The Spy Who Loved Me
1977, 2 hrs 5 min., Rated PG. Dir: Lewis Gilbert. Cast: Roger Moore (James Bond), Barbara Bach (Anya Amasova), Curd Jurgens (Carl Stromberg), Richard Kiel (Jaws), Bernard Lee (M), Desmond Llewelyn (Q), Geoffrey Keen (Minster of Defence).

The Spy Who Loved Me is not one of my favorite 007 adventures. It's a little hokey, Jaws is better used in the next feature, Moonraker, and the villain, Carl Stromberg, (Curd Jurgens) is a dud. Not to mention that there's no chemistry between Bond and Anya Amasova.

I do love Barbara Bach, though, as Russian agent Anya Amasova. I know I mentioned a fetish for Asian women earlier, but the best Bond babes are Russian or Eastern European, such as Daniela Bianchi (Tatiana Romanova) in From Russia With Love and a double-take of Famke Janssen (Xenia Onatop) and Izabella Scorupco (Natalya Simonova) in Goldeneye.

Moonraker
1979, 2 hrs 6 min., Rated PG. Dir: Lewis Gilbert. Cast: Roger Moore (James Bond), Lois Chiles (Dr. Holly Goodhead), Michel Lonsdale (Hugo Drax), Richard Kiel (Jaws), Corinne Clery (Corinne Dufour), Bernard Lee (M), Geoffrey Keen (Frederick Gray), Desmond Llewelyn (Q), Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny).

I know this opinion has been expressed a million times over the last twenty years, but Moonraker was a great movie, right up until it was time for James to launch into space. Then, the film burns up in the atmosphere.

I've actually seen this one several times, but not for a year or two, so I wanted to see the scenes in Rio de Janeiro anew, having just been there in July on vacation. The view from Sugarloaf Mountain, where the fight on the tram takes place, is very scenic and familiar. Of course, it's also very sunny, whereas when I visited the top of the mountain was covered in clouds. But, the first tier wasn't, so it was pretty cool to be able to say, "I've been there, saw that! I remember looking at that airport from that exact spot!"

Another humorous Bond first, giving our villain's "Muscle," Jaws, a woman-friend of his own.

Never Say Never Again
1983, 2 hrs 10 min., Rated PG. Dir: Irvin Kershner. Cast: Sean Connery (James Bond), Klaus Maria Brandauer (Largo), Max von Sydow (Ernst Stavro Blofeld), Barbara Carrera (Fatima Blush), Kim Basinger (Domino Petachi), Bernie Casey (Leiter), Alec McCowen ("Q" Algy), Edward Fox ("M"), Pamela Salem (Miss Moneypenny)

I'm sure at the time fans loved seeing Sean Connery return as James Bond for one more adventure. But what he came back to was a weak picture, missing almost every element that makes a great 007 film.

The score is weak, and the signature Bond music is severely missed. Without that music, it is just a normal action film that happens to have similar themes to Bond. The psychadelic open is also tossed aside, using conventional means instead.

I also was upset that this Bond-that-isn't-a-Bond used the same characters, but had to use different actors for the parts we know and love.

M was made into a sniveling twit, rather than the sophisticated, older gentleman who accepted Bond's antics with a roll of the eyes because he knew how important the agent was to the operation. Instead we have MI6 treating Bond like a washout.

Never also suffered from not having Q at their disposal. The gadgets weren't as cool, and Q Algi has no attitude or presence on screen. Bo-ring.

As for the bad guys, S.P.E.C.T.R.E. is brought back and still led by Ernst Stavro Blofeld, played by the respected Max von Sydow. I like Sydow, but he is not the Blofeld I want to see. Donald Pleasance is appropriately campy for the famous villain, whereas Sydow is out of place petting his white pussycat. He's also rarely used, since Largo is the key baddie in Never, a wealthy pawn for Blofeld but insanely evil in his own way.

I'm mixed on Kim Basinger as a Bond Girl. She's incredibly beautiful but perhaps to softspoken. The "bad" Bond Girl, Fatima Blush (Barbara Carrera), is much sexier even though she wears terrible outfits. Did they have to dress her as a pirate going to prom?

Octopussy
1983, 2 hrs 5 min., Rated PG. Dir: John Glen. Cast: Roger Moore (James Bond), Maud Adams (Octopussy), Louis Jourdan (Kamal Khan), Steven Berkoff (General Orlov), Desmond Llyewelyn (Q), Vijay Amritraj (Vijay), Robert Brown (M), Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny).

I still cannot believe that they actually made a movie called Octopussy. Gee, I wonder why movie's open song wasn't titled after the movie?

I mentioned before in The Man With a Golden Gun that Roger Moore brings new characteristics of James Bond to the role. His films are more campy, also, with such silly things as a Tarzan yell while 007 swings on a vine in Octopussy. It's kind of fun, actually, and gives Moore's turn as Bond more flavor.

The final chase is one of the best examples of how versatile our hero really is, hanging on to a plane at 10,000 feet, despite turning upside down or a big Indian wearing a turbin trying to knife him off the jet. One of the best stunts in the series, for sure.

The Living Daylights
1987, 2 hrs 10 min., Rated PG. Dir: John Glen. Cast: Timothy Dalton (James Bond), Myram d'Abo (Kara Milovy), Jeroen Krabbé (General Georgi Koskov), Joe Don Baker (Brad Whitaker), John Rhys-Davies (General Leonid Pushkin), Desmond Llewelyn (Q), Robert Brown (M), Caroline Bliss (Miss Moneypenny), John Terry (Felix Leiter).

I mentioned how the best Bond babes were Eastern European. You can add Myram d'Abo as Kara Milovy" to that list. She is the first Bond Girl to be "really cute," as opposed to "friggin' hot." This is actually a plus, because she compliments new 007, Timothy Dalton.

I disagree with Dalton's detractors, because even though he wasn't all love and stand-up comedy, he was very good at the business at hand. Dalton brought a cold professionalism to the character, and had enough of the other characteristics to keep the Bond mystique alive.

Overall Bond verdict: -- Everyone loves good Bond.

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