Jeff's review of:
Babyhood
By Paul Reiser
November, 1998
I am a 23-year-old single white male with no children and no intention of having one soon, but I really enjoyed this book, because someday I really look forward to a couple of offspring of my own to mold and nurture.

I don't watch "Mad About You" because I dislike Helen Hunt, but Paul Reiser is a hoot. And Babyhood comes straight from his mouth to his pen. I may not have the same experiences (being childless) but I have watched intently how my closest friend Steven R. and wife Jenny have dealt with their young'un, Austin, born Oct. '97. As good of parents as they are, and how much they enjoy being Mommy and Daddy, many times I think that I can't wait until I meet the right woman and get married and have a couple of great kids. And then I'm sure I'll read Babyhood again, and enjoy it even more, as much as Steve did.

This is not a "how-to" book, just one man's pure enjoyment of being a father and his hilarious outlook on parenting. Such as when he learns that his wife is pregnant and how "manly" that makes him:

      The world had shifted, and everything around me glistened with new dimension. Every place I looked I saw a great place to be somebody's parent.
      "I could walk into that 7-Eleven and buy my kid a soda...I could play ball in that park and teach my kid how to hit a jump shot...I could pass that statue and explain to my kid why Bolivia sent us a guy on a horse..." It all seemed nothing but good.

And Reiser makes the point that men empathize with their wives for nine months and have to eat the same food, its just not as beautiful a sight at the time:

      And sadly, men going through pregnancy are never admired for the mass they accumulate. While everyone's lining up around the block to feel and revere my wife's expanding belly, nobody's applauding me. I'm part of this thing, too, you know...I think it would be nice if just once during the pregnancy someone came over to me and said, "That's a lovely gut you've got there. May I touch it?"
      "Sure. Thanks for asking...and if you want to come back in a while, we're going to be having doughnuts and spareribs. Wait till you feel that."

Of course, then the baby has to be born, and life changes completely. That's something I'm sure you can't even prepare for, and Reiser concurs. It's an event of such enormous proportions that one can never really know until the kid is officially yours. And apparently the only thing missing is sleep.

      This all-purpose phrase also works as a marital greeting. The "Hi-sweetie-how-was-your-day" of yesteryear is now replaced with the more simple, direct, and mildly irritated "It's your turn."
      Before you have a child, you and your spouse are many things to each other: friends, lovers, competitors, partners...Upon producing a child, you relate to each other primarily as sentries.
      The two of you are guards who rotate shifts monitoring and protecting your new charge.
      When Baby enters your world, there's no time for intimate conversation between Husband and Wife. In fact, the extent of conversation often consists solely of the reporting of Baby's "eating-sleeping-pooping" status - just before the changing of the guard.

No matter the frustrations, Reiser makes it clear that having a child and being a good parent is the most natural thing in the world:

      How can you explain that having a child drives you as far apart as you've ever been, yet it draws you together more deeply and magically than ever before - all at the same time?
      That after you've both spent an aggravating, mind-numbing hour-and-a-half rocking, walking, patting, begging your child to sleep, there's nothing you'd rather do than spend the next hour and a half together, watching this angel sleep.
      How can you explain that in the midst of a cranky discussion over who's not "being supportive" of whom, you notice how adorably and hilariously your child is eating a bowl of spaghetti, and suddenly all the things you fret about just don't matter?

Reading Babyhood doesn't make me want to go right out and have a kid, being that I'm really really not ready right now, but it's nice to know that someday I'll be a great dad. I'll be sure to read it again when the time comes. For now, maybe I should focus more on "Mars" and "Venus" issues and actually start dating again before talking about having children!



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