A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a column about the start of the Christmas shopping season, and how people should not forget the true meaning of Christmas as they knock each other over trying to get Furbys. Well, forgive me, for I am addressing the subject once again.
As I have noted before, I work part-time for a very major retailer. And this past week I had the pleasure (ha!) of working the two during the busiest shopping weekend of the year. And I survived, although several shoppers almost did not.
Now, before I start whaling on some stupid, abhorrent shoppers, let me say in all seriousness that the vast majority of the shoppers I encountered last weekend were kind, courteous and understanding. But on the other hand... let's just say I was tempted to run down a handful of morons with a weed-whacker from the lawn and garden department.
For the benefit of all, I have therefore made a short list of tips on how shoppers can avoid getting strangled by retail workers who have simply had enough. All of these suggestions come from real events which happened to me last weekend.
1. If you happen to be in possession of a soiled diaper for any reason, find an appropriate place to dispose of it. For those of you who may have been in civilization for all of 13 minutes, let me kindly point out that THE MIDDLE OF AN AISLE IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE PLACE TO DISPOSE OF A DIRTY DIAPER.
I wandered over near the humidifiers at one point on Friday the Busiest Shopping Day of the Year, and nearly stepped on a very, very loaded, wrapped up diaper. The damn thing was just sitting in the middle of an aisle.
Grossed out by this, I gingerly picked it up and delicately carted it to the nearest trash can. Then, not prepared for the whole diaper incident, I went and washed my hands for 20 minutes.
Now, advice for those who would leave diapers in aisles, shopping carts (an altogether too common occurrence as well) and places that are NOT trash receptacles: THPPPPPPTH!
2. If you are a woman looking for a place to take a load off, do not do it in the middle of an aisle somewhere. During the busiest point of the day on Saturday, a woman with an enormous box of something in an enormous bag plopped the bag down on the floor, sat on it, and started making phone calls on her cellular phone. In the process, she made the water softener aisle completely impassable for a half-hour. Seriously.
Noticing this specimen in my department that had apparently set up some kind of homestead, I went over and asked her if she required assistance of any kind; she replied, quite rudely, no. After a while, she stopped making phone calls and just sat there, while some of my co-workers came over and commented on the situation ("Is she holding up that water softener?"). After a while, she just got up and wandered off, probably in an effort to find another department to claim as her own.
Folks, stores are places of business, not areas in which to set up a temporary communications base. If you want to sit down and make phone calls, go to the food court or your car or your HOME. Okay? Thank you.
3. If a salesperson is being helpful and kind, but you happen to have a problem with the store or maybe even society in general, do not take it out on that salesperson. This is the problem that irks me the most, because it happens the most: So often, in this season of giving and thanks, people decide to rail on some poor clerk or salesperson -- who is already stressed -- about some problem completely unrelated to that clerk or salesperson.
This happened to me on Saturday. A woman brought up a garage door opener for purchase, and -- trying to be a good salesperson -- I quizzed her on the size of her door, because the openers won't work on doors which are too tall. After all, I did not want her getting an unusable product.
As it turns out, this woman's door was larger than standard, and she would need an admittedly expensive -- maybe even overpriced -- extension for the opener to work. I told her this, and even apologized politely (even though I do not set the prices). I never said a rude word, or used a rude tone.
For whatever reason, this woman went nuts. Because I had the decency to make sure the opener would work -- instead of just letting her buy it and leave -- I was rewarded with cursing, yelling, and a directive on where to put the garage door opener.
As she stormed off, I told her, and I quote, "Merry Christmas, MA'AM." Granted, my tone was not all that merry.
When I went home that night from work, I did not think about the dozens of polite customers I helped, or the good day's work I put in. Instead, my thoughts were turned to that woman, and her unkind, cruel words.
But, seriously, I did not think of how nice it would have been to get that weed-whacker. Instead, I felt sadness for that woman -- she is clearly missing the point of what the holidays are all about.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who really, really likes the word "weed-whacker." Jimmy's column, which is not normally so bitter, appears Tuesdays in the Tribune.