You probably missed it, with all the so-called "important" news about Iraq and the stock market and the problems that Rosie O'Donnell is having, but there was a landmark international ruling on dwarf tossing last week.
Here is the Associated Press article about the shebang:
A United Nations committee rejected a Frenchman's appeal of his country's ban on dwarf tossing on the grounds it violated his human rights.
The 18-member U.N. Human Rights Committee, which oversees implementation of a 1976 treaty on civil and political rights, backed the French government contention that the law against dwarf tossing was necessary to protect human dignity and public order.
Manuel Wackenheim -- a 3-foot-10-inch stuntman known as "Mr. Skyman" -- said he was a victim of discrimination and that French authorities were violating his personal freedom, failing to respect his privacy and preventing him from making a living.
The real basis of human dignity, he had said, was being able to work, adding that jobs for dwarves were scarce in France.
Dwarf tossing, a barroom activity which originated in Australia, involves patrons paying to throw a dwarf -- who wears a harness with handles, a crash helmet and padding -- onto a mattress. The longest toss wins.
Wackenheim, 35, started his act in July 1991. But he ran into trouble with the French Interior Ministry, which ordered local authorities to clamp down on dwarf tossing several months later.
After a legal battle which saw the ban upheld by France's highest court, Wackenheim turned to the European Human Rights Commission. The body refused to hear his case in 1996. Wackenheim took his complaint to the U.N. committee in 1999.
So there you go. Now, after you recover from this article and consider the mind-boggling fact that the U.N. Human Rights Committee is actually making rulings on dwarf tossing, answer this question: If a dwarf wants to be tossed, why shouldn't he (or she) be tossed?
Because his dignity needs to be protected? Well, if that's the case, shouldn't the United Nations be looking in to bans on, say, actors appearing in commercials for sexual dysfunction aids and/or hygiene products? And how about protecting the dignity of those folks working as some sort of idiot animal mascot for a business? Or the dignity of the people who appear on any "reality" TV show?
I am dead freaking serious. Ponder it: Why is it NOT OK for a well-padded dwarf to make a living by being hurled about in front of a crowd of hundreds or thousands, while it is OK for Trishelle, Steven and Brynn to bonk each other silly during a threesome in front of millions of viewers on "The Real World Las Vegas"? THAT is a loss of dignity, if I have ever heard of dignity.
And I am not EVEN going to bring up the lack of dignity demonstrated by those poor sots who eat things like pickled sheep brains or live beetles on "Fear Factor."
(Sudden idea: Why not combine dwarf-tossing with "The Real World" and "Fear Factor" to create an entertainment extravaganza that features seven dwarfs living together, having sex and eating yucky things when they're not being tossed at work? Appalling, yes, but you KNOW it would be a huge hit. If you disagree, I have two words for you: "The Osbournes.")
The point is, if you want to be tossed by tipsy bar patrons, or if you want to nail two of your roommates while being taped, or you want to snork down disgusting items and be watched by millions, you should be able to do so. Nobody's being hurt here, except possibly the person getting tossed/boinked/queasy -- in other words, the people willingly choosing to get tossed/boinked/queasy.
Isn't it ironic that it's the U.N. Human *RIGHTS* Committee that's upholding these restrictions?
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who managed to make it through the column without making a crack about the dwarf's name being Manuel "Mr. Skyman" Wackenheim. At least, until now. Anyway, Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and a column archive may be viewed at www.jimmyboegle.com.