This week in This Fine Newspaper, I'll be taking a break from my normally whimsical yet ripsnortingly hilarious (at least to people who devour large quantities of "special" mushrooms before they read it) column format to write a somewhat serious and informational column with tips on how people can better deal with newspaper editors. I am doing this for two reasons: I have no better ideas, and I thought it would make a nice welcome for the Tribune's new editor, J.D. Wilson.
I feel the need to pen such a column, because every day, I see blatant, blatant stupidity come across my desk. You see, in addition to my humor columnist duties with This Fine Newspaper, I have the job of editing another local newspaper, the Reno News & Review, which is known primarily for its sex ads, which I have nothing to do with, but that is all people talk about, even though there is LOTS of other fun and interesting stuff in the paper besides the sex ads, and people want to COMPLAIN about the sex ads, which let me repeat I have NOTHING TO DO WITH, and I suspect that the same people who COMPLAIN the most about the sex ads are the ones who end up USING the services that such advertisements publicize the MOST, because they are PERVERTS.
Yep, it's time for another Valium.
Anyway, here are some dorky things that I see repeatedly see people do in my capacity as an editor. And to steal a phrase from Dave Barry, I am not making any of these up; these things, at one time or another, have all happened. The examples are 100 percent true, with no exaggerations.
1. If you want to impress the editor and get his/her attention, don't insult them. This happens all the time. Let's say someone wants to review movies for a newspaper. The varied ways to go about becoming a reviewer for that newspaper do NOT include ripping the old movie reviewer apart for his "gross incompetence," nor do they include lambasting the newspaper editor for letting the old movie reviewer write for them for so long. It is also a bad idea to claim that the newspaper you are querying "needs" someone of your caliber. Confidence is cool; arrogance is deserving of a boot to the nether regions.
2. Don't be blatantly stupid. A reader of the RN&R, who happens to disagree with everything that I believe in (including my belief that I, personally, should exist), for a while was sending me fairly regular letters arguing against everything I wrote. I would then run most them in the letters to the editor section of the paper. After this happened several times, the reader then sent me an e-mail -- I SWEAR this happened -- proposing that he get a weekly column spot, right next to my editor's note, where he could rebut my arguments. He was dead serious. I kindly rejected this proposal.
3. When referring to the person who you are querying, spell his/her name right. Probably one out of every 10 writer/reporter applications I get have my name misspelled. I have been called Jimmy Bogle, Jimmy Boogle, Jimmy Vogel, Jimmy Beagle, Brian Boegle, James Boegle, J. Bagle, etc. In a career field where accuracy is important, I take it as a bad sign when prospective reporters can not get MY name right.
4. Don't lie like an idiot. About four months after I became editor, a public relations company owner called the office and asked to speak to my predecessor. I kindly informed the man that he had moved onto another job. The PR man then apologized, said he wanted to do lunch and meet me sometime. I said this was fine, and he then decided to pay the paper a compliment. "By the way, I love the newspaper," he gushed. "I read it all the time." Apparently, he fails to read the Editor's Note. Needless to say, I canceled that lunch.
5. When you send in press releases, get the name of the damned publication right. While it is kind of funny, it is also kind of sad when press releases are faxed to the attention of the "Gazette" when you are, in fact, at another newspaper.
The sad thing is, I have only been an editor for 1 1/2 years. I wonder what kind of stories I'll have years down the line. And I can't wait to hear what J.D.'s stories will be in a few months. It's a strange world, folks ...
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who can't believe we are over halfway to Christmas already. This means stores will be putting up their Christmas items any day now. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and a column archive may be viewed at jimmyboegle.com.