This weekend, we as Americans performed one of the stupidest rites known to mankind: We "suprung forward." And in the autumn, we'll "fall back."
No, I am not talking about the varying status of our balance thanks to our collective alcohol problem. I am talking about the damn time change.
Twice a year, we have to go through the tradition of missing appointments and being generally confused for a week or so because the world has to quench its clock-changing fetish. Not surprisingly, the whole damn time-change thing got its start in Congress, which we all know is the home to a great many fetishes.
I am not making this history up: Congress started the daylight saving time parade in 1918, thanks to railroads which were advocating the idea. Daylight saving time has gone through a number of changes over the years--including being instituted year-round during parts of both World Wars. For a while, it was up to each local government whether to observe the time change or not; this led to mass confusion (especially for the makers of TV Guide). However, in 1966, the government made it the law of the land, unless area governments chose to specifically pass laws against it. The reason that the time change was instituted was that it supposedly saves energy by people not being home for one hour during the hot portion of the day (seriously). Today, the entire country observes the time changes, except for some territories, Hawaii, and parts of Arizona and Indiana.
I think the entire country, except for some territories, Hawaii, and parts of Arizona and Indiana, is on crack.
I have no problem with standard time, nor do I have a problem with daylight saving time. Either one is fine. But why do we need both? I say we pick one of the times and stick with it. No more time changes--and no more lame newspaper feature pictures in which befuddled watch-shop workers are changing a bazillion watches.
Here's why we should pick one or another:
1. The time change can be hard on us humans. Besides the missed appointments, time changes can wreak havoc on the human body. We all have an internal clock that is thrown into higgledy-piggeldy when it is not changed despite the fact that all the man-made clocks around it are. We've all had that feeling of an alarm clock waking us up after a time change, and sensing that something ain't quite right. Then, we're hungry at the wrong times for a while, and when we just start to adjust--we switch back. This is just stupid.
2. We are not saving or gaining an hour of daylight, and anybody who thinks so is a moron. There are the same number of hours of daylight in the day, no matter what our clocks say. It isn't like the sun figures it'll throw in an extra 60 minutes to be hip every April when we set our Timex forward. All it means is that there's an hour less of daylight in the morning, and one more in the evening. And if we love that extra hour of evening daylight so darn much, why not have it that way year-round? Because farmers get angry? This is one reason given seriously for not having the time-change year-round. But how many of us are farmers these days?
3. The time changes can cause confusion and more work. Aside from the re-adjustment of our internal clocks, changing the time means an adjustment for a lot of other things. First, there are all the time pieces--including those on watches, clocks, computers, nuclear detonators, microwaves, VCRs, car stereos, TVs, stoves, telephones, alarm systems, and certain types of specialty underwear--that need to be reset. Then, there is havoc with the people who work graveyard shifts. Do these people get an extra hour of work in the fall, but one less in the spring? If so, do they have to be paid an extra hour of overtime in the fall? Where does labor law come in? Also, if two babies are born during the time change in the fall, when there is the extra hour, it is possible for the baby born second to actually have an official time of birth before the first baby born? THESE ARE QUESTIONS THAT NEED TO BE ANSWERED.
And finally:
4. The time change can make humor columnists cranky. I feel I was screwed out of an hour of sleep on Sunday, and I am bitter. I want my hour of sleep back, and I don't want to have to wait until October. And tonight I'll probably be up all night pondering that question about the baby born later actually having an earlier birth time.
Sheesh. Let's pick one or another, and stick with it, OK?
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who can't believe he actually did research for a column on the stupid time change. His column appears here Tuesdays, and an archive of Jimmy's columns can be viewed at http://geocities.datacellar.net/jiboegle/columns.html.