I am a relatively normal, well-adjusted 27-year-old man, and yet I routinely find myself wasting a great deal of time -- time that I don't really have -- munching on Cheetos while giggling at 13-year-old episodes of "The Golden Girls."
This is embarrassing. Logically, someone in my demographic category should not be interested in an old show about four horny older women, unless this someone has some seriously funky fetishes involving grandmas. While I am happy to report that I have no such fetishes, I still dig this show.
I confess this, in part, because a poll of my friends, co-workers and acquaintances reveals that I am not alone in having "The Golden Girls" show as a guilty pleasure. You would be surprised at the number of twentysomethings that finds themselves enamored with this classic show. And this popularity manifests itself in the ratings -- the Lifetime network is one of the top-rated cable networks in part because it reruns old episodes of "The Golden Girls" throughout its regular schedule.
(An aside as a public service announcement: Be very careful while looking for information on "The Golden Girls" on the Internet. I was doing research for this column, and I typed in Goldengirls.com. Well, it turns out that's a highly disturbing pornography site. I just finished washing my eyes out with soap after seeing it, and I will probably need serious therapy to fully recover. Because, let me repeat, I DO NOT HAVE any seriously funky fetishes involving grandmas.)
Obviously, there must be something to "The Golden Girls" considering its popularity. Possible reasons for the show's draw: brilliant writing, insightful social commentary and the sultry allure of Bea Arthur. (Just kidding! I think!)
Whatever. My point: We all have guilty pleasures in terms of television. What are yours?
As you ponder this point, I'll confess another of mine: The Game Show Network. This channel (available to Charter's digital cable subscribers), which shows nothing but old episodes of game shows, is about as socially redeeming as roadkill. It's worthless, blatant stupidity. Heck, even the questions are old and outdated on most of the network's aging shows. The network's only purpose is to enable the viewer to waste time.
I know this, yet every night at 10 p.m., I find myself riveted to old episodes of "The Match Game." Now, if you haven't ever seen this show, let me describe it: This is the dumbest show ever.
The point of the show: the host, Gene Rayburn, reads a phrase with a word missing. The contestant comes up with the missing word, and has to match the answers of the six "celebrities" on the panel. Three regulars are usually on the panel: Richard Dawson, who was on before he became a creepy kiss fetishist on "Family Feud"; Charles Nelson Reilly, whose fame is based almost entirely on being a flamer during game show appearances like this; and Brett Somers, whose stardom was based entirely on being on "Match Game." Half the time, the "stars" seemed to be completely hammered. And I don't think they were acting.
Yet I absolutely love this show. I have no idea why.
Again, the show must have some appeal; after all, it was on the better part of a decade, and spawned several revival attempts. This makes me wonder: How much time, in human hours, was wasted by the millions who watched this show? What could have been accomplished if people had used that time to be productive rather than brainstorm the missing word in statements like "Fat Phyllis was so fat that she had to wear a girdle to get in to her (blank)." What could have been cured? What could have been invented?
We'll never know, because we all have shows and channels that we watch with a guilty conscience like "The Golden Girls" and "Match Game." That's something we can all take some sort of solace in -- while we simultaneously fret about not doing something more productive.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who becomes addicted to "The Weather Channel" during storms. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.