Wake the kids! Call the neighbors! It is ELECTION DAY in the Rail City! Woo-hoo!
This means that soon, Sparks will have a new mayor and a new Ward 4 city councilman. It also means that soon, all of the campaign signs will be taken down -- just in time for the candidates in next year's elections to put up new signs.
If it seems like we just went through this whole election thing, there is a good reason for that -- we did. Of course, thanks to the U.S. Senate race between Harry Reid and John Ensign -- and the efforts of the Washoe County Registrar of Voters (motto: "Accurate election results available in two months or less!") -- our last election officially ended only a few minutes ago.
I have heard a lot of people cursing the City of Sparks for holding an election so soon after the last one. But, in Sparks' defense, I say that the next state/national election campaign season has started already -- despite the fact that the election is, well, 15 months away.
For example, I do not think John Ensign has ever really stopped running for office. One minute he's battling with Harry Reid, the next minute he's running for Richard Bryan's seat. And of course, last week Frankie Sue Del Papa announced that she was going to probably going to run, too, after weeks of hinting that she was going to possibly think about considering a potential run for U.S. Senate, just maybe.
And I am not even going to discuss the whole presidential election. That has been going on for a year already, featuring a bevy of unattractive rich white middle-aged men -- plus someone who calls herself "Liddy" with a straight face -- battling to see who can take on Al Gore (who has a wife that calls herself "Tipper" with a straight face).
Anyway, back to my original point, it is election day in Sparks (Editor's note: We are surprised to hear Jimmy has a point, too). This has been one heck of a weird campaign, no?
Take, for example, the campaign signs of the finalists for mayor, Peggy O'Neill and Tony Armstrong. Whenever I see these signs, I immediately think: "Huh?"
First, I have no idea who told Peggy O'Neill that yellow and green was the ticket to success. This color scheme is ridiculous. It makes her signs look like some lawn that has been victimized by too many dogs with weak bladders.
However, her campaign sign weirdness pales in comparison with that of Tony Armstrong. He chose the traditional red, white and blue color scheme, and his signs looked decent until he won the primary. Then, for some reason, he chose to put little stickers that say "thank you" on all of them.
At first, I thought the stickers meant someone was thanking Armstrong. I thought maybe Peggy O'Neill put them there. I theorized that she really did not want to win, because she was just running for office to promote her business -- instead of vice-versa, as we all suspected. But then, I realized I was just being a dufus, and that the stickers meant Armstrong was thanking people.
But who is he thanking, exactly? Isn't it a little premature for Armstrong to go plastering gratitude all over when, first, he hasn't won anything yet, and second, only 20 percent of registered voters bothered to show up to vote in the primary? Maybe he is actually thanking the dogs involved in the making of Peggy O'Neill's signs.
And while the mayor's race has been interesting, the Ward 4 race, as of late, has been downright Jerry Springeresque. On the Opinion page of the Tribune, Mike Carrigan has been battling a tag-team combo of Cindy Henderson and Bruce Breslow -- who, oddly enough, aren't even running for office. Since I am short on space, let me recap this battle:
Breslow: I like Dave Stefan.
Carrigan: But I am cooler than he is.
Henderson: No you aren't.
Carrigan: Am too!
Anyway, this group has recently done Sparks proud by engaging in a debate almost rising to a middle-school level of rhetoric. Bruce and Cindy like Dave, and think Mike is bad because he has not lived here for long and supposedly gets money from Reno. But Mike says Bruce and Cindy are speaking for Dave because he is a wuss who won't speak, and that Bruce got free stuff because he is mayor, and that Cindy is just not nice.
So there.
In any case, the election is today. If I may be serious for a moment: If you live in Sparks, go vote. Despite the rhetoric, and despite the goofy campaigning, elections are important. And each vote is important too; ask the 450 or so friends of John Ensign who thought they were too busy last November.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who, in all seriousness, thanks the candidates for running and letting him pick on them a little. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays; he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@alumni.stanford.org.