Seeing as it is the week after April Fools' Day, here are some more made-up letters from completely fictional readers. Please hold your applause until all the fictional letters are presented.
Yo, J-Dawg! Have you seen any ridiculous newspaper mistakes that made you shoot a beverage out your nose as of late? -- Freida Fischfricker, Sparks
Why, yes, Freida, I have. The most interesting one: The March 27 Las Vegas Sun featured a lovely photo of a rabbi sitting behind two candles. The photo went along with a story headlined "Passover brings hope for freedom." All fine and dandy.
Except that the caption accompanying the photo read as follows: "Rabbi Jeremy Wiederhorn of Midbar Kodesh Temple says the prayer for Passover, which begins today, is that people around the world are enslaved by the threat of terrorism."
(Cue nose for beverage propulsion.)
The next day, the Sun ran this deadpan correction: "Because of an error by the Sun, a photo caption in Wednesday's edition was incorrect. Rabbi Jeremy Wiederhorn prayed people would not be enslaved by terrorism. The Sun regrets the error."
My goodness, man. The Sun regrets the error? I think it's more like the Sun is unbelievably embarrassed by the error.
And how about that correction? I am sure that its understated tone, combined with the fact that it did not state what the error was, sent many people who missed the caption error in the first place scurrying to find the previous day's issue to figure out what the heck had happened.
The word "not" is one of the more dangerous words in all of journalism. That's why you will rarely, if ever, see a newspaper say that someone pleaded or was found "not guilty" in a court of law. Instead, people are "innocent."
Technically, this is legally incorrect. A jury does not find someone innocent; a jury determines that someone is "not guilty" because there was not enough evidence to go beyond a reasonable doubt. For example, O.J. Simpson was found "not guilty." But newspapers reported that he was found innocent. And America shot beverages out its collective nose.
Anyway, you imagine the lawsuits and unbelievable embarrassment that could result from "not" being accidentally deleted in a case where someone was truly innocent, i.e. "not guilty."
NOT all fine and dandy.
Hey, you moron. What was with last week's column making fun of Celine Dion? That was cold. I love Celine. I demand a retraction or a correction. My heart will go on! -- Winnie Peg Mapletree, Verdi
Because of the fact that Celine Dion's music scares small animals, column in Tuesday's edition two weeks ago made fun of her. The Daily Sparks Tribune regrets Celine Dion's music.
Why do mistakes happen in newspapers all the time these days? Aren't there proofreaders in journalism anymore? -- Donny Doobie, Mogul
Sometimes. However, with newspapers cutting staff left and right in these troubled economic times, it seems like proofreading is becoming less and less common. Sometimes, it seems like spell check provides the only proof reader for far too much journalism copy.
But this, too, can lead to horrible. For example, certain things -- like names -- get caught by spell check, and it's quite easy for an editor or reporter to accidentally click "change" rather than "ignore."
And this, too, can lead to some ridiculous mistakes. The newspaper for which I work full-time, Las Vegas CityLife, recently mentioned a Mary J. Bilge concert because of this.
For hoots, I typed in the names of Sparks Tribune writers and ran them through Microsoft Word's spell check. Mine is boring -- Jimmy Boggle -- but others prove to be more special.
I am not making this up -- Janine Kearney became Canine Kernel. And Ira Hansen became Ira Harness.
Wow. THAT'S regrettable.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who stays awake at night worrying about typos. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.