So there I was, decorating my fake Christmas tree, drinking egg nog while watching an HBO documentary about a prolific Nevada brothel.
Gosh darn it, you've got to love Nevada.
This state is freakish, and I have only begun to fully grasp the extent of this freakishness since I moved to Las Vegas a little more than a year ago -- freakishness that is magnified by the holiday season. Put simply: Christmas in Las Vegas is weird.
In Northern Nevada, Christmas as traditionally celebrated makes at least a little sense. It's cold outside. White Christmases are something of a possibility. Homeowners decorate evergreen trees with festive lights. Meadowood Mall, while growing in terms of crowd counts and square footage, is a typical American shopping facility.
Then there's Las Vegas. It's not cold. Unless drugs are involved, there is no such thing as a white Christmas. Homeowners decorate palm trees with festive lights. And while there are several traditional malls, one can also shop at the Forum Shops -- a gargantuan mall located in a casino, Caesars Palace. It was open on Thanksgiving, when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez shopped there. It was nuts, so say the news reports.
I think you get my point.
Anyway, I was thinking all these thoughts as I fa la la la la-ed my way through several glasses of egg nog while decorating my tree and watching "America Undercover: Cathouse." If you haven't seen this piece of work, which premiered last Sunday on HBO, I encourage you to do so. In a word (or two), it's messed up.
Filmed last spring at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch outside of Carson City, it shows the details of the "negotiations" between the working girls and their johns. Except that these johns aren't always, well, male.
For example, it featured a husband and a wife each hiring a working girl for some simultaneous yet separate fun. Then, after their trysts, the couple reunited to discuss how their experiences were.
It also featured a mom bringing her 22-year-old son in to lose his virginity (in an especially heart-warming moment, it showed the prostitute essentially mounting the son as the mom sat right next to him while negotiations took place). It also featured a very shy 19-year-old coming in to lose his virginity. It should be noted that none of the actual sex was shown, which I am sure came as a huge disappointment to "Dr." Laura Schlessinger.
This is all stunning in and of itself. But what's beyond stunning is that these people ALLOWED HBO TO TAPE ALL THIS. If I were a shy 19-year-old virgin, I would in no way, shape or form want the negotiations for my first boinking experience to be shared with the rest of the world. Nor would I, if married, want to admit -- in great detail -- that my wife and I each hired hookers at the same time. (The wife, for the record, seems well on her way to lesbianhood as she declared that her tryst with the working girl gave her the best orgasm she's ever had, a tidbit of information that nobody needed to know.)
Anyway, back to the original topic, which you may recall is: Christmas in Nevada is weird. Because I was watching this documentary while decking my halls while decking myself with egg nog, I couldn't help but wonder: What is Christmas like at a brothel? It must be weird. And sad. And a little bit festive.
I am sure I could find out the answer to this question; Dennis Hof, the owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, has proven to be friendly and welcoming to the media. Seeing as I'll be home in Northern Nevada over the holiday, it would be easy to check out the Ranch on Christmas Day, assuming that it is open.
But I've decided that I really don't want to learn the answer to that question. I love Nevada and think legalized prostitution is a practical thing. But I've already had my traditional views of Christmas warped enough by moving to Las Vegas. I don't think those views need to be warped any further.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who thinks egg nog should be sold year-round. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.