You really don't realize what you have until you don't have it anymore.
When I was in high school at Wooster a while back, I remember how absolutely pumped most of us students were about the prospect of getting the hell out of the Truckee Meadows. We wanted to flee because, gosh darn it, there is nothing to do in Reno and Sparks. We said, "It's too hot, it's too cold, it's ugly, Pete Sferrazza gives us the willies, and it just generally blows chunks."
And then, showing great initiative, many of my whining classmates stayed here anyway. They went to the University of Nevada, Reno -- which is great -- except that most of them who I keep in contact with today still complain about how much they hate the area. They'll probably be here bitching about the area until their funerals, when they are buried here, with little bumper stickers on their coffins saying "RENO IS SO CLOSE TO HELL YOU CAN SEE SPARKS." The bastards!
But for those of us who went away for some reason, and got to live somewhere else, we realized: This area ain't so bad after all. There is actually a lot to do around here. The weather is not bad, either (especially if you like variety), and it is far from ugly. Heck, Lake Tahoe is here; how can it be ugly? Even a sagebrush, if you are in the right frame of mind, can look kind of special.
(Unless you accidentally inhale a part of a sagebrush, and then they can look frightening, like a monster or Monica Lewinsky or Kenny Guinn in a bathing suit. But that is a topic for another time.)
Anyhow, one aspect which I have grown to love about this area is that, to but it bluntly, it is freakishly weird and goofy.
I love it. Where else can you go into a 7-11 for a Slurpee and to play some slots? What other towns can you drive through a "spaghetti bowl" which, from the air, has so few strands that even Callista Flockhart would eat all of them in a meal? Where else can you ski in the morning, dune-buggy in the afternoon, and visit a prostitute at night without fear of arrest?
San Francisco has the Golden Gate Bridge. New York has the Statue of Liberty. Los Angeles has Disneyland. We have the National Bowling Stadium.
Admit it, the Truckee Meadows is goofy.
To celebrate the area's goofiness, I am asking all of you, my readers (all nine of you!) to help me here. There is so much that is silly and unique about Sparks/Reno and the outlying areas -- and I want to hear what you think are the goofiest things about the area.
There are no parameters here. It can be a goofy person, a goofy restaurant, a goofy phrase unique to the area... anything,.
In order to get some examples of goofiness, I did an informal poll of the Tribune staff. In no particular order, here are some of the things my colleagues thought were particularly goofy.
--Those dang Club Cal Neva billboards that say "Ham and 99 cents," with eggs in the nines. (One of my colleagues is really blown away by these billboards. We think he needs help).
--The fact that we can use the phrase "Jethro's derrick" in a headline with straight faces.
--Peggy O'Neill's campaign signs for Sparks mayor... near Plumas Street and Plumb Lane, which is miles away from Sparks.
--Jeff Griffin.
--The shirt I am wearing in my column mug shot.
--That dang empty concrete lot in downtown Reno between Center Street and Virginia Street near the freeway on-and off-ramps. What is up with that?
--Topsy the clown.
--The commercials where casino executives like John Ascuaga and Ferenc Szony try to act.
I think you get the idea. Anyway, write us here at the Tribune or e-mail me with your goofy suggestions, and let's celebrate this area which is ours in all its goofy freakishness:
Daily Sparks Tribune
c/o Jimmy Boegle
1002 "C" St.
Sparks, Nev. 89431
e-mail: jiboegle@alumni.stanford.org
The responses will be the topic of a future column, unless we don't get any, in which case I fear my column will again be replaced by Jim Spoo or something.
So, write! E-mail! Let's show all these whiners how goofy the area really is. Even if Pete Sferrazza is still giving us the willies on occasion.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who is considering offering to be Dave Barry's running mate. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays.