August 12, 2003
I sooooo want to be there when Kenny Guinn and Arnold Schwarzenegger first meet to discuss politics.
Can you imagine how unbelievably entertaining this meeting will be? Arnold Schwarzenegger, for all of his talents, has never been known for his political astuteness or his speaking skills. He could have the greatest political mind this side of Churchill, but he is known for: 1). a thick Austrian accent that has been the butt of many jokes; 2). insanely violent movie roles; 3). being built like a Chrysler; and 4). being married to a Kennedy.
This is all well and good, but none of these qualities make me jump up and say, "Wow, these are the credentials of the man I'd choose to lead California out of a fiscal crisis and leadership void." Now, if California were being attacked by cyborgs from the future, or I needed steroid-use tips, or I wanted a recipe for a mean strudel, I'd be down with Arnold Schwarzenegger. But to be my governor? Um, no.
Kenny Guinn, on the other hand, is my governor. Actually, he WAS my governor, because I live in Arizona now. Although I consider Nevada to be home in a way, and always will, so he's my governor in a way. Sorta.
I digress. My point here is that Kenny Guinn is not known for his political astuteness or his speaking skills, either. Don't get me wrong: I like Gov. Guinn, and think he's actually a very smart guy (look at his resume, and you know he must have mad skillz of some sort, word up). He also strikes me as a good person, too, and given a choice, I'd much rather have him as my governor than Arnold.
But, with all due respect to Nevada's chief executive, Kenny Guinn sounds like a goofball when he tries to talk.
I will never forget those dark days in the fall of 2001, when America was under attack. Terrorism from the skies was on all of our minds, and anthrax-laced mail was killing people and creating hysteria. At one point, there was evidence that Reno's Microsoft office was struck with an anthrax mailing (it was later refuted). Well, God bless 'em, Kenny Guinn showed up and tried to LEAD, dammit, and guide Nevada through this potential threat, a la Rudy Giuliani: So he got on live TV and started talking. And while he didn't make us feel more secure or safe, he made us laugh so hard that we almost gave ourselves hernias.
The dude was using words that don't exist. Webster was rolling over in his grave. The man came off, well, like George W. Bush.
KENNY GUINN FOR PRESIDENT!
OK, maybe not. But the thought of witnessing Govs. Guinn and Schwarzenegger sitting down to talk about politics -- like the protection of Lake Tahoe, or concerns regarding Indian gaming, or water rights issues, all issues that Nevada and California need to work on together -- that's just too precious.
Schwarzenegger: Kenny, ve must take steps to azure zat Lake Tahoe's clarity eez proTEKted wizout harming ze economy.
Guinn: I couldn't agree more, Gov. Schwizzenorger. Protectalizing Lake Tahoe is something that all Nevadans and Californiacators must agree upon to do. Yeah.
Schwarzenegger: Avsolutely, Kenny. Just call me Ahnold. It's easier zu pronounce.
Guinn: Yes, Earnort. By the way, I loved you in "Rocky."
OK, I can hear you snorting: "Oh, Jimmy, this will never happen." Well, Guinn is going to be around for another three-plus years (this recall effort against him is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen). And according to a Gallup/CNN poll done Aug. 7-10, 42 percent of California voters say they're likely to vote for Schwarzenegger -- far higher numbers than anyone else got. And considering that Gov. Gray Davis has something like a 22-percent approval rating, there's a good chance Davis will lose the recall portion of the election.
So, seeing as there's a good chance that Guinn and Schwarzenegger will be neighboring governors later this year, I must ask: Have you ever heard Guinn and Schwarzenegger talk?
Yes, I want to be there when they meet. It'll be the hoot of a lifetime.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan in exile in Arizona who is personally supporting the candidacy of Gary Coleman. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.