As I've driven around town over the last few months, I have seen several signs that almost made me run off the road and into a ditch because they were so freaking hilarious. I thought that I would share these signs with you now, for two reasons: 1). They will make you laugh, and 2). It makes for an easy column, and "Ally McBeal" is about to come on.
Here we go.
-- Ben's Discount Liquors, at its various locations, has long been a popular liquor joint for those who seriously enjoy imbibing legal drugs. But apparently, the ownership of Ben's felt that they needed to take the business to the next level, at that the name "Ben's Discount Liquors" was no longer adequate.
Hence, Ben's Fine Wine and Spirits was born. Ah, yes, you it's a wonderful world when liquor stores are starting to bow down to the political correctness trend.
I don't frequent any of the Ben's stores, so I have no idea whether the name change went along with any substantive change in the business. All I know is that the Ben's stores I frequently drive by look exactly the same on the outside as they did before, except for the new signage.
This begs the question: Since "discount" is no longer in the business name, does it mean they raised their prices? Just wondering.
-- After you walk into Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse, located in the same building as Reno Live in downtown Reno, you have to go up either steps or an escalator to reach the restaurant, which is located on the second floor.
Before you get to the escalators, however, there is a sign that is positively baffling.
"Access to Ichiban elevator, see hostess, second floor."
Uh ... what?
This sign is so obviously goofy that I will reserve further comment, except to say that based on this sign, Ichiban probably isn't frequented by too many handicapped folks.
-- I do not encourage vandalism of any kind, and think that whoever did what I am about to describe should be spanked or something. However, I will say: The perpetrator has one heck of a sense of humor.
While I did not personally see this sign, a friend of mine reports that a few days ago, the McDonald's on Keystone was apparently advertising their Big n' Tasty burger for 99 cents. Well, some clever individual came along, removed the "t" and the apostrophe, and pushed the letters together so the sign read:
BIG NASTY 99 CENTS.
I can just imagine what the people working the drive-thru thought when -- and you KNOW that somebody did this -- a wise-guy who had seen the sign drove up to the menu board and demanded a Big Nasty.
Yep, there's yet another reason for me to avoid fast food at all costs.
-- When I think of casinos, I think of many things. Money. Buffets. Cigarette smoke. Valet parking. Gigantic, frightening, demonic neon clowns that look down upon the city like an evil vulture, waiting to devour prey.
But I digress. One thing I do NOT think of when casinos come to mind is pants. Yet, Baldini's Grand Pavilion on Rock Boulevard and Greg Street is proudly proclaiming:
NOW SELLING WRANGLER JEANS
Don't get me wrong; I am not snobbish when it comes to fashion by any means. I happen to like Wrangler jeans, and I wear them fairly often. But I would feel weird making a trip to a casino to buy them.
Then again, people go to grocery stores to gamble, so why can't someone buy jeans at a casino?
Never mind.
-- And, finally ... like the BIG NASTY sign, I personally didn't see this, but a trusted friend told me that he was driving by a storage facility not too long ago when he noticed one of the letters was burned out of the facility's sign. My friend swears that the "L" was out, and the sign thus read: PUB IC STORAGE.
Something tells me that the local law enforcement agencies may want to look into what exactly this place is "storing." Good lord.
Well, you'll have to excuse me now. I need to go and grab a few Big Nastys before "Ally" comes on.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who is still trying to figure out what in the world Ichiban is doing with that sign. Anyway, Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.