Just in case you've spent the last few months at an isolated location -- like the Mir space station -- you should know there's a new 14-screen Century theater in Sparks. That's probably why they named it the Century Sparks 14 Theatre (Century's motto: "We can't spell 'theater'").
Anyway, if you have not made it there to spend the gross national product of Argentina on a night at the movies, you're really missing out. For the bargain price of $7.50 -- plus $3.3 million for a medium coke and popcorn -- you can have one hell of a movie experience.
The theater is wonderful. The digital sound is phenomenal; I went and saw Deep Impact (which sounds too much like a porno title) last weekend, and the sound was so good I felt Robert Duvall was going to personally whack me in the head with a comet. The seats are comfortable and the screens are huge. Far and away, it's the best movie experience in Northern Nevada. There's no comparison with the Century 11 in Reno, which is like a series of steroid-enhanced upside-down teacups with seats.
However, the theater has only been open for a few weeks, and... well, they're still ironing out some minor problems.
For example, the first Friday the Century Sparks 14 was open, my friend Sheryl and I went to see The Object of My Affection (pretty good movie; Sheryl thought Jennifer Aniston was too whiny. In her words: "You fell in love with a gay man! Get over it!"). As we stood in line to get tickets along with most of the rest of the greater Reno/Sparks population, we realized the lines were not moving. We stood outside freezing while the employees -- apparently warmed by their little vests -- simply stared at each other. To this day, I have no idea what the delay was about; I heard somebody say the ticket printer was broken. But there was no action I saw inside the ticket booth; simply staring at ticket printers is apparently an excellent repair method.
Then, any thoughts we may have had about warming ourselves up with something from the much-hyped coffee bar were dashed by the fact that the bar was not yet functional.
The movie-watching experience was great. But at several points during the movie -- I think they were parts when Jennifer Aniston was whining -- there was this weird, lengthy WHOOOOOMMMMMPPP sound. It sounded kind of like an enormous gorilla in an adjoining theater had gas, to be perfectly honest. Considering that's unlikely, my guess is that somebody had the bass up too high for the movie in the adjoining theater.
When I returned last weekend with some friends, officials apparently had fixed some of those flaws; the coffee bar was open, tickets were printing and no gaseous noises were emanating from nearby theaters. However, there were a few new quirks.
The first was the fact that the woman selling us our tickets seemed thoroughly confused by her job. Now, I understand the theater is new, and thus so are most of the employees. But she eemed generally bewildered about her computer terminal -- and us, too. It was like she'd never seen a computer or another human before.
Anyway, later when it was time to go to the movie, we gave our tickets to the usher; he politely pointed us toward the theater and told us to get in line.
Sounds simple, but there was no line. There were just hoards of people everywhere, being kept out of the theater by an employee that apparently had aspirations of being a rogue bouncer somewhere. But the employee looked something like "WKRP's" Les Nessman -- short, middle-aged, with glasses and little hair. He kept hissing at people trying to go in that they couldn't because employees were cleaning, and to go GET IN LINE NOW. As he ordered some teen-age boys away, two concerned women approached and asked them about the line. This flustered him, and a manager walking by came over to help. "Calm down," the manager urged the Nessmanesque bouncer aspirant. However, as they talked, the crowd -- in a move that would have made cattle proud -- stampeded.
We were in the theater. I didn't see, but I can only guess the poor Nessman guy went somewhere and had a good cry.
Anyway, if you haven't been out to the Century Sparks 14, I encourage you to give it a try. The movie experience will be worth it -- even with the little quirks. Just be on the lookout for gorillas eating burritos.
Jimmy Boegle, a fifth-generation Nevadan, is grateful that nobody yelled "That had to hurt!" during the movie. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays. He can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@alumni.stanford.org.