Checks certifying moral and logical bankruptcy


August 14, 2001

Disgruntled mail carriers across the nation are carrying a larger burden than normal these days. Now, in addition to carrying heavy artillery for going postal and "pre-approved" credit card offers by the ton, they have to carry the refund checks from Uncle Sam.

Some of you have probably received your $300 to $600 checks already. Other people, like myself, have yet to receive our shares of the $38 billion being parceled out. And the majority of these tax cuts will go to the richest a bit down the line. But my $300 piece of the pie will be here soon, and I can hardly wait.

OK, maybe I can. But K-mart can't wait. Neither can Wal-Mart. And ShopKo. And about every charity you can imagine. Because they all want the money.

Have you seen the deals that many retail stores are offering to assure that their coffers get as much of that refund check as possible? It's capitalism at its best (or worst, depending on where you're coming from). Many businesses, such as Wal-Mart and ShopKo, are taking the opportunity to go into the check-cashing business: Come in, cash your check, we'll give you some coupons, and hopefully you'll give that check right back to us via purchases. K-mart is taking things up a notch by offering an extra 5 percent for consumers who cashed their check and converted it into a K-mart cash card.

And then there are the charities, who are clamoring for the cash under this guise: You weren't planning on this, and it's not in your budget, so give it to a worthy cause! It makes sense, almost, in a deviously greedy sort of way.

Whatever. This whole tax rebate thing is really chapping my hide, and I don't mean that in the titillating erotic chapping-my-hide sort of way. (Just kidding, Mom. Ha ha!)

First off, these tax refunds are STUPID. America is massively in debt to others and ourselves (i.e. Social Security). You know, I always thought it was nice and fiscally conservative to pay off one's debts. But that's just me.

Also, why not wait and apply these refunds next year to everyone's tax returns, therefore saving tons of dough on mailing and printing costs? Again, call me conservative, but this tax refund sucks.

It sucks money, that is.

But ... oh, wait ... maybe this isn't about tax relief. Maybe it's about politicking. Maybe that's why we all got letters before the government sent out the checks telling us that WE WOULD BE GETTING CHECKS, thanks to a law signed by George W. Bush, no doubt in crayon.

Ah, yes, politicking would explain this, and it would explain why all of these checks are going out only after the TREASURY DEPARTMENT HAD TO BORROW MONEY. Seriously. According to the July 31 issue of The New York Times, the Treasury Department had to sell securities to make sure it had enough dough for all the rebates, due to cash flow problems. That's alarming. Even more alarming was this paragraph, in the same story:

Further, with the Bush administration now estimating that the surplus for this fiscal year, which ends Sept. 30, could fall as low as $160 billion, the administration and Congress are coming dangerously close to doing something they have promised not to -- dipping into the Social Security surplus to pay for tax cuts or government spending.

OH MY LORD.

Folks, this is what happens when we award the presidency to a Texas oilman with the IQ of a cantaloupe and the voting support of half a million FEWER people than the "second-place" finisher -- we get a government that's already in debt borrowing money to send out piddly tax refunds off-season.

You know, Bill Clinton may have done some stupid, dishonest things while he was president, mainly involving cigars and portly interns -- and then lying about it. But he never did anything this stupid.

It's almost enough to drive someone postal enough to start an Armageddon involving various pre-approved credit offers. Almost.

Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who feels much, much better now that he got that off his chest. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org. 1