I have decided that I hate holidays like Columbus Day.
Now, before the Sparks Tribune's offices are flooded with angry Italian Americans wielding whatever it is that Italian Americans wield these days, lemme explain: It is not Columbus Day itself that I don't like. In and of itself, Columbus Day is quite groovy, and I will extrapolate on this grooviness later. It is holidays *LIKE* Columbus Day I despise.
Columbus Day is one of those middling holidays that isn't a full-fledged holiday in the eyes of society. Thus sucks. In my opinion, which clearly doesn't matter as much as I think it should, holidays should be either full-fledged (like Christmas or Thanksgiving or something in which everybody basically gets the day off) or fully unfledged (like Arbor Day, which nobody, with the possible exception of squirrel advocacy group employees, gets off).
So there. And Columbus Day is half-fledged. Some things -- like banks and some government buildings and mail delivery -- are closed, while others -- like most everything else, including some government buildings -- are open. This causes great confusion for, say, a reporter who has the unfortunate job of having to call government officials.
I remember back in the day (1983), when Columbus Day was fully fledged, before much of its fledge was replaced by Martin Luther King Day. This was before the widespread acknowledgment of Native American groups' anger over the fact that Columbus' discovery of America led to the slaughter of their people. And before "The Sopranos" came along and caused more chaos than any holiday deserves.
Have you been following this "The Sopranos"/Columbus Day controversy? It's nuts. In New York, where I understand they throw one mother of a Columbus Day parade, Mayor Michael Bloomberg invited two members of "The Sopranos" cast to ride along with him and wave and hurl candy, or whatever it is that parade participants hurl these days.
But the parade organizers, unhappy over the fact that "The Sopranos" depicts a bunch of Italian Americans who are mobsters and therefore not very wholesome, said the "Sopranos" cast members couldn't march. As a result, Mayor Bloomberg said "Thpppppppppth!" and refused to participate in the parade, and newspaper writers got to throw tons of ink at something that is really not very newsworthy when you stop and think about it.
OK. I have several questions I am going to throw out here:
1. I understand the Native Americans' anger over what happened to them when the Europeans came along, and I understand why their ire has centered on Columbus Day, because good ol' Chris started the ball rolling even though it's now known that he wasn't the first European to exactly "discover" the Americas. But, instead of protesting parades and such, why not mark the day with some sort of remembrance? After all, Columbus' arrival is certainly something worth noting.
2. Why do Italian Americans get so pumped over Columbus Day, anyway? Yeah, the dude was born in Italy, but he was sailing for Spain. So there.
3. Isn't it somewhat hypocritical for Italian Americans to claim Native Americans are overreacting about Columbus Day, and then to turn around and overact about a TV show like "The Sopranos"?
4. Besides, why do people want to get all hot and bothered over a guy who was sure he'd reached India, when in fact, he was oh, say, 6,000 or so miles off?
5. What kind of names are Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria anyway?
In any case, I like Columbus Day despite all this lunacy. Like I said, it's groovy. In downtown Reno, there's a parade and activities such as grape-stomping, which looks quite fun even though it makes me not want to drink wine as much as I used to.
I just wish that they'd give everyone the day off.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who thinks "The Sopranos" is overrated, yet interesting nonetheless. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and a column archive may be viewed at www.jimmyboegle.com.