September 16, 2003
What in the hell is wrong with celebrities these days?
It seems that they've collectively lost their minds, as if someone's spiked the water in Hollywood with a low-key but effective form of LSD, causing everyone to exhibit a subtle form of dementia.
The most obvious example of this is the California recall election. I know I've mentioned this before, but it’s worth repeating: What on God's green Earth has Arnold Schwarzenegger ever done to qualify himself to be governor? I mean, the dude is a bodybuilder/actor. Yeah, he's gotten involved in some political campaigns and is married to a Kennedy. Big freakin' deal.
He is a factor in this race for one reason: He's a big star. Period. He's shown that he's as politically shallow as a puddle by refusing, over and over again, to elaborate on any plans or stances of his. All he does is go in front of the cameras and say, sort of, that "Sacramento" is a mess.
Yeah, pal. So was "Jingle All the Way."
Of course, Schwarzenegger isn't the only celebrity who is running for governor. So are has-beens like Gary Coleman and, well, Gallagher, the annoying comic who likes smashing stuff. Gary Coleman has an excuse, sort of, for running -- he was put on the ballot, with his blessing, by a Bay Area newspaper as a method of protesting the recall effort -- but Gallagher? What in the hell is he doing?
But when you stop and think about it, Gallagher is just as qualified to be the next governor of the great state of California as Schwarzenegger is. Really.
(While we Nevadans may mock California for this whole debacle, here's a sobering fact: At least California can get a star of Schwarzenegger's caliber to run. Nevada has Kenny Guinn and, well, that's about it. The closest thing we had to a Hollywood gubernatorial connection came in 1998, when Aaron Russo, a carpetbagger whackjob from California, decided to move here, sort of, and run for governor. His claim to fame was that he was once Bette Midler's manager/governor. With this sterling qualification, he finished second to Guinn in the Republican party, at one point coming close enough to Guinn in the polls that Guinn's spooked campaign staff had to make a commercial illustrating what a whackjob Russo was.)
And while the California recall is the most obvious example of celebrities gone insane, there are an abundance of others. Here's one that I found quite disturbing. A CNN.com headline explaining it says it all:
YOKO ONO TO GO NUDE FOR PEACE
Yikes. How in the hell is a naked, weird old lady going to help forge peace? If anything, I'd think it would cause the exact opposite effect, in the form of rioting and violence to get the hell away. Looking for clarification, I read on.
Ono, 70, will appear at the intimate Ranelagh theater in Paris, well known for one-man shows. The Japanese-born artist will stand on stage alone and ask each member of the audience to silently cut a piece of her clothing and "send it to the one you love."
Apparently, this is a repeat of a 1964 performance she did in Japan. Forgive me if this sounds ageist … while I would never be hankering to see such a performance, I would much rather see it, if forced to at gunpoint, performed by a 31-year-old Yoko Ono than I would by a 70-year-old Yoko Ono.
Well, I guess there is a bright side to this. At least Yoko Ono isn't running for California governor. And at least Gallagher isn't running around doing naked performances.
Although I shudder to think that if current trends keep up, it may only be a matter of time.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan in exile in Arizona who regrets that the California recall election may be delayed until March, because it means six more months of this crap. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and a column archive may be viewed at www.jimmyboegle.com.