War, Dixie Chick boycotts and Celine: Scary!


March 18, 2003

OK, dammit, I am supposed to be a humor columnist. A HUMOR COLUMNIST. And lots of stuff is going on, but none of it is FUNNY. As a matter of fact, it is VERY SAD. And the whole shebang is going to give me a STRESS-INDUCED WEIRD VEIN BULGING ON THE SIDE OF MY NECK if I don't stop thinking about it.

First, there's the whole war thing. In the immediate future, assuming our dear president wasn't blowing smoke last night, we're going to be bombing the bejesus out of Iraq, in the process killing thousands of people -- some innocent and some not-so-innocent. We'll also be acting against the wishes of a good chunk of the world, which is never a fun thing to do, and God knows what will happen as a result.

This is scary. There's no denying that.

Second, there's this whole Dixie Chicks boycott thing. I have never been a big fan of them -- no offense to them or their fans, but they've always reminded me of the Spice Girls with more leather, and musically, that is NOT a good thing. But now, I AM a fan, at least in some way. And I don't like having to be a fan of bands (I use that term loosely) whose music reeks.

Anyway, check this out, from a Reuters report:

Country stations across the United States have pulled the Chicks from playlists following reports that lead singer Natalie Maines said in a concert in London earlier this week that she was "ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas."

Station managers said their decisions were prompted by calls from irate listeners who thought criticism of the president was unpatriotic.

OK, now waaaait a second. A woman stands up and exercises one of the most lovely constitutional freedoms -- speech -- and now she's unpatriotic? And they pull her music not because it sounds like dogs getting abused, but because she chose to speak her mind?!? I admire ANYONE who speaks their mind. Hence me being a fan.

Here's a little more clarity about what she said (admittedly after her first anti-Bush comments):

Lead singer Maines said in a statement she felt the president was ignoring the opinions of many in the United States and alienating the rest of the world by pushing for war with Iraq.

"We've been overseas for several weeks and have been reading and following the news accounts of our government's position. The anti-American sentiment that has unfolded here is astounding," Maines said.

In case you were wondering, what Maines said was true. Many people around the world, and here in the United States -- look at the 60 or so folks who demonstrated in Reno on Sunday night -- are indeed unhappy with the United Sttates' actions.

And so what if she feels embarrassed George W. Bush is from her home state? Does this make her unpatriotic? Did it make Nevadans unpatriotic when we shuttered in fear over the fact that we elected Chic Hecht to Congress? No. And he actually got more votes than his opponent when he was elected!

Good lord.

And speaking of being embarrassed by people from your home state, and sounding like dogs being abused: Celine Dion's show opens this week.

Yeah, you're in Northern Nevada, I am in Arizona, and she's in Las Vegas. Why should either of us care, you may ask? BECAUSE CELINE DION AND NEVADA ARE NOW SYNONYMOUS. And Nevada, despite all its ample problems, does NOT deserve this.

The show officially starts one week from today, although rehearsal shows are underway as we speak. And if you think I am being mean by saying that Celine Dion is embarrassing to the state of Nevada, this is how her show is being described on her own website: "an unprecedented combination of performance, passion and technical innovation."

OK, now, let's admit it: Something described like that CAN'T be good. After all, that description could be used to describe a really cool sex toy, too.

Ooh. I need to go get a turtleneck or something. This vein's getting really annoying.

Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who wishes to holy heck someone would tell the president how to pronounce the word "nuclear" correctly. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.

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