A stylebook to understanding why journalists like booze


May 18, 1999

As part of our continuing series of columns discussing the topic "Why the heck do newspapers do stupid things?" today we'll be discussing something called "The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual."

This book, which is used by newspapers across the world, is a must-have for all journalists. This is because all newspapers use what is called "AP Style" in their stories. In any Journalism 101 class, the professor will make the students rush to bookstores to buy stylebooks, in an effort to convince students to abandon plans of becoming journalists in favor of careers respected more by the general public, such as becoming a lawyer, a used-car salesman, or a pet abuser.

This is because the AP Stylebook is about 340 pages long, and at first, it can be very intimidating. However, when all is said and done, the book can be very useful for journalists when they write their articles, which they usually write in a hurry because the event they are covering started late and did not end until noon, and the deadline for articles is 12:15, and when the story is not in at 12:17, the editor starts calling the writer dirty names and threatens to come to the writer's house and abuse his or her pets, and this can be REALLY STRESSFUL, to the point of where the writer wants to SMACK THE EDITOR VERY HARD, and the stylebook can be very useful because it is a big book and makes a VERY GOOD WEAPON WITH WHICH TO SMACK THE EDITOR.

(Editor's note: Please wait a few seconds while we administer a sedative to Jimmy. He is foaming at the mouth again. If you would like, please turn to the comics page and read "Overboard" for a moment. Isn't that Charley a hoot? OK... now back to the regularly scheduled column.)

Ahem... anyway, as I was saying the AP Stylebook can be very useful. That is, until you open it. Then, it makes no sense. It is full of alphabetically organized passages, which I am not making up, such as:

flautist The preferred word is flutist.

OK (not "okay," according to AP style)... First, how often do journalists write about flute players? Second, if a writer is actually writing about a flutist or a flautist, is he or she going to be in a quandary about whether to call this flute player a flautist or a flutist? Third, if he or she is indeed in a quandary about this for some reason (possibly involving controlled substances), what is the chance he or she will look it up in the AP Stylebook, because what is the chance such a stupid entry would be in it?

The AP Stylebook can also be annoying because it has a number of instructions -- that make absolutely no sense whatsoever -- on very common words. A good example of this is teen-ager.

teen, teen-ager (n.) teen-age (adj.) Do not use teen-aged.

How many people out there put a hyphen between "teen" and "ager" when they write? The answer is nobody. That is, nobody but newspaper writers, because the AP Stylebook likes to mess with our heads

Despite these style rules that make no sense, newspapers still follow AP style, because that is what we are supposed to do. Why? I have no idea. I think The Associated Press maybe has an army of Style Enforcers that go around when journalists violate AP style and execute them and their teen-aged (oops) teen-age children

This drive to use correct AP style can lead to some very strange conversations between editors and writers when deadline is approaching:

Editor: Hey, can you look up the abbreviation for "Arizona" in the stylebook for me?
Writer: OK... It's "Ariz."
Editor: Thanks!
Writer: But it is only abbreviated if it is after a city. You write out "Arizona" otherwise.
Editor: OK!
Writer: Unless the city is Phoenix. Then, you do not put down "Arizona," because the stylebook lists Phoenix as a city which does not need a state written after it.
Editor: Screw this. Let's go to a bar!

If they ever did a study about why there is such a strong correlation between being journalists and being reformed alcoholics, I swear the AP Stylebook would be at the top of the list.

Wait... let's check the stylebook.

alcoholic Use recovering, not reformed, in referring to those afflicted with the disease of alcoholism.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!

(Editor's note: Jimmy is foaming again. I think we'll send him home for a nap. Thus, we'll end this column here. In the mean time, go ahead and read L.M. Boyd. He's quite a looker! Thanks for reading!)

Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who is bothered when people around the office call him the "Styleatollah." The Styleatollah's column appears here Tuesdays.

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