About a week ago, I was merrily driving home from work. It was a nice day; traffic wasn't too bad. As I got into the right turn lane on a street near my home, I noticed a car -- driving slowly, as if the driver were excessively lost -- in the lane to my left.
About then, the car's right turn signal came on, indicating that the person in the car desired to get into my lane and probably turn right. Being the nice person I am, I slowed down, allowing the car and its confused driver to go ahead of me. I might have even smiled.
Well, the driver of the car ahead of me -- who looked to be in his 50s, with a physique that instantly brought to mind Les Nessman -- for some reason, was offended. As he pulled into the right turn lane, he stuck his left hand up and awarded me with the one-finger salute, the one finger being the middle one.
I was shocked. I was appalled. I wanted to rip his freaking head off. I did something nice and got flipped off.
I was a victim of road rage. And if I were not so rational, I would have made it so that Nessman-wannabe was REALLY a victim of road rage.
The sad thing is, road rage is becoming an everyday part of our existence. And if you ever become involved in a road rage incident, I recommend you watch out for two things -- bricks and pieces of your own vehicle.
I give you this sage advice based on real events -- which I am not making up -- that have occurred the past several months in this very City of Sparks:
--One morning on the Sparks Boulevard overpass at Interstate 80, a man was arrested after he ripped a windshield wiper off another person's car and started to beat him with it.
Remember: I am not making this up.
The victim said he was trying to turn onto Sparks Boulevard when a sports utility vehicle pulled in front of him after some sort of driving disagreement. The man who was arrested reportedly jumped out of his vehicle, went to the other man's Honda, ripped off a windshield wiper and started beating him with it, as well as punching him.
The police did not say whether either of the men involved looked like Les Nessman. Although, you must admit, the thought of Les Nessman beating someone with a windshield wiper is pretty special.
--In another incident, a man had to be hospitalized after he was hit in the face with a brick following an altercation in the parking lot of a McDonald's.
The alleged attacker -- who also had his girlfriend and her two kids with him -- nearly struck a bicyclist. The bicyclist told police that after a verbal discussion, he rode off (in large part -- he admitted this -- because the man in the vehicle was much bigger than he was). But the man in the vehicle, apparently trying to set a proper example for those two kids with him, allegedly started throwing rocks -- and that well-aimed brick -- at the bicyclist.
Still not satisfied, the man allegedly started punching the bloodied bicyclist, and then drove off, but only after he tried to run over him.
As these two events show, we must all be careful on the streets. Trying to be an ever-diligent columnist, I did a little Internet research in an effort to pinpoint ways we can all be nicer on the roadways.
One web site (http://www.aloha.net/~dyc/acts.html) features picture of a waving little man in a car who looks like of like -- you guessed it -- Les Nessman.
Besides that, it has some inspirational little stories about roadway kindness. Here is one of those stories, which I again am not making up:
I was in the left lane in a long line of cars. A car in the right lane was stuck behind a slow truck. His blinkers were on but no one let him in. I made space for him by slowing down a little, and he went for it. I saw his wave through his rear window. I felt a warmth.
I know what you're thinking: "What exactly does this person mean by 'felt a warmth'?"
While we ponder that for a moment, I feel we should get back to the point of this column (yes, there is a point), which is: Be nicer on the roadways, because bricks and windshield wipers can hurt.
After all, according to the aforementioned web site, if we are nicer on the roadways, we can become -- and I quote -- "a hero to future generations."
Kind of like Les Nessman.
Jimmy Boegle, a fifth-generation Nevadan, reminds everybody that Les Nessman was that nerdy news guy from "WKRP in Cincinnati." See, now isn't the column alot funnier now? HA! Anyway, Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays. He can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@alumni.stanford.org.