The idiocy of chain stores continues!


April 22, 2003

As my regular readers know -- and I'd like to give a shout out to all my peeps at Lakes Crossing -- the weirdness of chain stores is an oft-covered topic in this space. Well, it's time to do more coverage.

As many of you know, another famous chain has arrived in the Sparks-Reno area. This time, it's P.F. Chang's, an upscale Asian food joint that has an uncanny ability of becoming an instant hit whenever one opens. And it is nestled in the same part of town with the other hot, trendy chains -- the Mimi's Cafes, Baja Freshes, Jamba Juices, Krispy Kremes, etc. of the world -- making for a neat little tribute to modern-day, homogenized American capitalism along Kietzke Lane near McCarran Boulevard.

And God bless it. Truth be told, I love some of these chains. Jamba Juice rules, P.F. Chang's is tasty, and Baja Fresh is good for some cheap, semi-healthy fast-food grub. These places became successful chains for a reason -- they serve good stuff.

But then there's the issue of chain overkill, and the even more annoying issue of chain underkill. (I know underkill really isn't a word, but it sounds cool, and it's my column, so thppppppth to all you anal-retentive grammarians out there.) Let me give you a few examples, using both my hometown of Sparks-Reno, and my current home of Tucson, Arizona.

In Sparks-Reno, you probably think of Walgreens as a normal drugstore chain that's nifty because some of them are open 24 hours and because at least one of them sits on what was, for years, a hideous vacant lot on top of Interstate 80. But if you lived in Tucson, you’d think of Walgreens as a pox on humanity that needs to be stopped before it achieves world domination.

The following statistics are absolutely true and are easily verifiable at Walgreens.com:

-- There are six Walgreens within a three-mile radius of my east Tucson residence.

-- There are 33 Walgreens within a 15-mile radius of my east Tucson home.

-- There are 42 Walgreens within a 25-mile radius of my east Tucson home.

-- Depending on how I drive to work, I pass between three and five Walgreens every day.

OK, now, let's analyze this for a second, posing this crucial question: What in God's name does Tucson need with so many Walgreens? Simple math tells you that since there are about 800,000 people in the Tucson area, and that there are AT LEAST 42 Walgreens, that means there's one Walgreens for every 19,000 people or so.

Is this necessary? NO. And that's why the mention of the word "Walgreens" to your average Tucson resident results in heart palpitations. It's like 7-Elevens in Reno, only worse

But is there an In-N-Out Burger here in Tucson? No!!!

This is something Tucson and Reno have in common, and I don't get it. If they opened 10 In-N-Out Burgers each in Tucson and Reno tomorrow, I guarantee they'd be HUGE successes. I mean, based on the college kids ALONE in each town, there'd be lines around the block.

Yet Renoites have to drive to Auburn for an In-N-Out, and Tucsonans have to trek to *GAG* Phoenix.

I was pondering this the other day as I dodged the multiplying Walgreens, and found myself surfing the Internet. This led me to In-N-Out's website, www.in-n-out.com, It turns out they have a customer service number that's staffed until at least 1 a.m. each day. I called it and talked to a very nice woman who informed me there were no plans to expand to either Tucson or Reno anytime soon. I sniveled and begged, and she cheerfully said she'd log my desires.

I encourage you to do the same. Visit www.in-n-out.com or call 1-800-786-1000. Because I know, in my heart of hearts, if we all call and voice our feelings, they'll open more Walgreens and 7-Elevens. Because chain stores are weird.

But we can keep our fingers crossed. After all, there's still a little vacant land left in the Kietzke Lane and McCarran Boulevard area.

Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan in exile in Arizona who thinks In-N-Out rules, but that Fatburger is even better. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.

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