It's often reported that animals can sense impending danger. We've all heard stories about dogs, cats and cattle coming unglued just before an earthquake strikes. Therefore, in These Troubled Times, it stands to reckon that we should be watching critters for signs that holy heck may be lurking around the corner.
And if these recent news reports from The Associated Press are any indication, we are royally screwed.
Consider these three AP reports, all of which can be found on a section of sfgate.com (the San Francisco Chronicle's Web site) called the Bondage File. While this name and the fact that it's located in San Francisco may lead one to believe that this site contains stuff of a kinky, salacious nature, it's actually a collection of odd and unusual, yet true, news articles. And animals have been making frequent appearances in the Bondage File:
-- In March, a man named Dave Natali, the operator of something called the Wolf Wildlife Education program, was in a Menifee, Calif. supermarket parking lot with one of his wolf-dog hybrids. The wolf-dog is used as part of the program, in which Natali and his dogs go to "classrooms to teach kids not to fear wolves," the article reported.
OK. Wait. Kids are not supposed to be afraid of wolves?!?
Of course, you know what happened next: The wolf-dog, according to Riverside County Animal Services, grabbed a 10-year old, Taylor Moore, and dragged him 20 to 40 feet.
Taylor reportedly suffered puncture wounds, scrapes and bruises. His mom, Shannon, was freaked. "This is a wolf," she said. "You take one look at it and it freaks you out."
Natali's excuse? According to the article, Natali claimed the animal was "merely being playful and wanted some of Taylor's ice cream."
Playful? Puncture wounds?!?
Thankfully, Animal Services officials disagreed. They quarantined the dog.
-- While a wolf dragging off a kid is not all that surprising, cash-chomping Dobermans are a bit more unusual.
Earlier this month, according to an account out of Hatfield, Pa., a woman named Sue Gadaleta cashed a check, and stuffed the cash -- including two hundred-dollar bills and some smaller bills -- in her coat pocket. But the next day, while the small bills were still there, the hundreds were gone.
She later discovered that her "usually well-behaved" dog, Mia, had left her, well, a mess in the basement.
"I saw this little piece of paper, with a one-zero-zero on it," Gadaleta said.
Apparently, the dog had gotten hungry and decided it needed some greens. Some expensive greens.
Therefore, Gadaleta "spent the next day watching Mia like a hawk collecting, washing and assembling the pieces." She then called the bank, which kindly took the "used" bills out of circulation and replaced them with two new ones.
"We all thought it was hysterical," said the bank branch manager. "It was the first time we ever had anything like this happen."
Yep. This is a sign: Animals are acting weirder. And this next story proves it.
-- Also earlier this month, Nancy Arena arrived at her Batavia, N.Y. video store to find an ugly scene: Her front window was smashed, with movie cases -- and feathers -- strewn everywhere.
Arena smartly called the cops. An officer arrived -- and found a 12-pound tom turkey in the science fiction section.
The explanation, according to wildlife experts contacted for the story: The turkey "may have been looking for a feathered companion among the video displays," as spring is turkey mating decision.
But this quote, from the story, hints at something bigger: "Arena says the episode 'was kind of weird' because the turkey bashed into the hunting videos first and left some droppings on them."
OK. That does it. I am officially freaking out. These animals clearly know something we don't. It's time to lock up all our cash and videos -- and pray for the best.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who is watching his cat, Beavis, like a hawk. His (Jimmy's, not Beavis') column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.