August 26, 2003
In honor of the whitewater park that is being built at Wingfield Park in downtown Reno -- this, despite the fact that the Truckee River often has less water in it than a marble statue -- it's time to answer made-up letters from fictional readers.
All these new taxes recently passed by the Legislature are chaffing my nipples. Is there any tax out there that they didn't raise or newly implement? -- Shelley Shirkenwanker, Sparks
Please keep your nipples out of this, Shelley. But in answer your question, there are a LOT of taxes that were not raised or implemented, such as a gross receipts tax, which would have made many large corporations that do business in Nevada actually pay their fare share of taxes in this state, something which they don't do now. This did not pass because our Legislature is largely made up of sell-out bastards.
Oh, and they didn't enact an espresso tax. Yes, there is such a thing as an espresso tax -- or at least there's a proposal for one in Seattle. This, from an Associated Press story on CNN.com:
In just a couple weeks, voters in this city will decide whether to impose a dime-a-cup tax on espresso drinks to raise money for preschool and day-care programs.
"It's a dime. It's nothing. It's just a dime for kids," said John Burbank, executive director of the nonprofit Economic Opportunity Institute, which came up with the idea.
Yowsers. The story goes on to explain that not all coffee would be taxed -- just beverages containing a half-ounce of espresso or more, prepared for immediate consumption.
This is the goofiest thing I have ever heard. Next, they'll propose a tax on movies and entertainment.
Oh, wait … they already proposed that, but the tax -- at least the part on movies -- was shot down by Nevada legislators. This is because the sell-out bastards wanted to have a chance in hell of getting re-elected so they can sell out some more.
The full-fledged college football season starts this weekend, with the Wolf Pack taking on Southern Utah. My question: Does Nevada have any chance of not sucking this year? -- Bill Bergenboofer, Mogul
Ah, yes, Nevada football. I remember when the Wolf Pack was a perennial contender, not a perennial doormat. The days of Chris Vargas and Fred Gatlin and kickers named Zendejas. The days of playoff games and bowl games and double-digit winning seasons.
Now, some folks will sneer and say: "Yeah, well, those were also the days Nevada was playing in the Big Sky Conference and the Big West against lesser competition."
True. They were playing teams like Idaho and Boise State and San Jose State … um, all teams that, like Nevada, have "risen" to the Western Athletic conference, just like Nevada. These are teams that Nevada once consistently beat. Now, they don't.
But in answer to your question: Yeah, Nevada has a chance of not sucking this year. The team returns 18 starters from their "best" team (5-7) since they joined the WAC. This year will truly show whether Nevada has any chance of getting off the schnide and not sucking anymore. If they suck this year, it's time to start rooting for Sacramento State or something.
Getting off the schnide? What in the hell does that mean? Linda Loo, Carson City
I have no idea what that means, Linda. I also had no idea what they mean when the city and state giddily announce plans for whitewater rafting in the Truckee River through downtown Reno. HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU HAVE WHITEWATER RAFTING IN A RIVER WHEN THERE IS OFTEN NO DAMN WATER OF ANY COLOR IN THE RIVER?!? Good God! They've closed Wingfield, a beautiful park, and are forcing events to move to the old Mapes lot, which is NOT a beautiful park, for this?!?
I hope this works; I really do. But Nevada has a better chance of making the Rose Bowl with Tony Armstrong behind center.
But then again, what do I know? I don't even know what in the world "schnide" means.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan in exile in Arizona who thinks water is best when clear. His column appears here Tuesdays, and a column archive may be viewed at www.jimmyboegle.com.