It's time for some more fake reader mail. And away we go...
Am I the only one that almost hemorrhaged from laughing so hard after seeing a sign announcing the arrival of the "Pump Pass" at a local AM/PM gas station? --Myrtle Highhoofer, Sparks
No, Myrtle, you aren't the only one. I pulled into the AM/PM on South Virginia Street, near Shopko in Reno the other day to get gas. As I was waiting for the tank to fill, I noticed a huge banner right in front of me advertising the "Pump Pass." It's some sort of gas-credit-card thing. Whatever. All I know is that I started cracking up so hard that I had to sit down to regain my composure.
With all due respect, what on God's Green Earth were these AM/PM business executives thinking when they came up with this name? I don't think my mind is venturing too far into the gutter here, because anybody who bothers to say the phrase "Pump Pass" with normal inflection can realize that those two "P"s blend together awfully easy.
I know for a fact I couldn't keep a straight face if I worked at an AM/PM and someone walked in and asked for a "Pump Pass."
You're making this up. --M.H.
No, I swear I'm not. For information about the Pump Pass on the Internet, visit http://www.arcogas.com/card/index.html. I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you think that "Pump Pass" thing was odd, wait until you hear this. I was driving down South Virginia Street the other day when I saw that Walgreen's was prominently promoting a product called "nads." I am afraid I am hallucinating. Should I ask my doctor to up the dosage on my pills? --Henry Scmackleberg, Steamboat
No, Harry, keep the medicine levels where they are. You weren't hallucinating; Walgreen's was indeed promoting the unfortunately named "Nad's."
In order to figure out exactly what was up with these, um, "Nad's," I did some research on the Internet and found a Web site for the product at http://www.nads.com
You're surely making this up. Please tell me you're making this up. --H.S.
No, I am not. It turns out Nad's is a hair-removal product -- described on its Internet site as "a completely natural, water soluble product that looks like green toffee and can be used anywhere on the body." It supposedly originated in Australia and is now sold in the United States. And I needed sedatives to stop laughing after perusing the "about us" section of the nads.com site.
I will now quote directly from the site, because that is the only way to do this justice:
"Sydney mom Sue Ismiel was desperate to find a product that would remove -- as painlessly as possible -- the thick dark hair covering the arms and legs of her daughter, 6-year-old Natalie. Sue, 38, of Kenthurst, says she could see 'in Natalie's eyes' how much the excess body hair distressed the pretty girl.
" ' Although she said she was never teased at school, I knew she had low self-esteem,' recalls Sue. 'She wanted to be a model, but I knew how self conscious she was. She insisted on wearing long-sleeved clothing.' "
Oh Lord. The girl was embarrassed at school, so the mom proceeded to post the story on the Internet for the entire world to read? --H.S.
Yes. But first, Sue reportedly searched the stores for a suitable hair-removal product without much success. And after that didn't work -- please, please remember I am not making this up -- Sue supposedly took action.
Back to the Internet site.
"Determined to find something that was both safe and effective, the former medical records officer headed for the kitchen cupboard and began blending various natural potions. 'In the back of my mind I thought, "There has to be something that will work," ' she says.
"She stared with basic ingredients like sugar and molasses and ended up with 'Nad's' ..."
Oh my goodness. She supposedly went into her kitchen and, using dessert ingredients, invented a revolutionary hair-removal product? --H.S.
Yes. Can you believe it?
No. But for the sake of fun, one more question: Where in the world did they get the name "Nad's"? --H.S.
The Web site says: "Nad's is named for her oldest daughter Nadine. After a few short years Nad's has become the fastest selling personal care product in Australia."
Oh boy. What can you say about that ...
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who officially has nothing else to say. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.