The human being is a weird animal.
You want evidence? Well, our country's forces are currently bombing the crap out of a country in order to keep peace. One of our country's greatest leaders in recent memory, former Sen. Bob Dole, is doing commercials about "erectile dysfunction." And human beings, for reasons which I can not fully comprehend, have made people like John Tesh and Marilyn Manson rich and famous.
We are all weird creatures with big egos and big attitudes -- and little, messed-up brains.
This dawned on me one recent day when I was at Trader Joe's, trying to figure out how they make those corn chips blue. Anyway, this mental quandary was interrupted as I heard a little girl happily howling and giggling, as if she had just discovered the wonders of the word "goober." This girl (I would say she was about 3 years old) zoomed past me with her little legs chugging as fast as they could go. And those legs went right out the door and into the parking lot -- where, as scientists recently learned in a multi-million dollar federally funded study,really big cars live.
About four steps behind the cute little girl was her mother. At the moment I saw her, this woman had a facial expression which was a perfect blend of two thoughts: "I have got to stop my precious little girl because she could really get hurt," and "When I DO stop my precious little girl, I am going to throttle her."
Well, the mom caught the daughter (who soon started wailing in a rather unhappy fashion when she realized she was in Big Trouble) and all was relatively well.
My reaction to this whole spectacle: I kind of chuckled.
I went back to staring in amazement at the blue corn chips. I started having deep thoughts again ("These chips is purdy!") and then it dawned on me: What in the heck was I laughing at?
Here was the situation: A little girl was briefly in danger. She is quite upset now, and her mother may need some cardiac assistance. And I was LAUGHING AT THIS?
There is only one word that describes what I felt like: a goober. A big-time goober.
Now, some people out there who are reading this, I am sure, are recoiling in horror, thinking, "How could you, for a second, think this was funny?"
My answer: I am a sick bastard, like all other human beings, including you.
I was not the only one amused at this spectacle, but I fear I was the only one who even thought for a second the amusement might be inappropriate. After all, we live in a society which celebrates the minor pain of others. I am not suggesting we delight in serious pain -- if that girl would hurt, nobody would have been laughing -- but when someone has a moment of pain and is going to be OK, it is often viewed as funny.
Look at shows like "America's Funniest Home Videos." For years, millions have guffawed at men being, week after week, being nailed in the groin with various objects -- baseballs, pets, children, Frisbees, Monica Lewinsky, etc. And as a man who has indeed been hit in the groin before (but, thank goodness, NOT by Monica Lewinsky), I can testify: There is really nothing funny about it.
And logic says that is correct. Yet, when we see some poor guy painfully taking a baseball bat in the private region, even if we should know better, we laugh (unless we are the ones writhing on the ground, our hands cupped over our privates, going "OOOOOOOOOOOOOGH!"). When someone trips and falls, unless anything is broken, we howl in laughter. When someone has the bejesus scared out of him or her, unless it results in a heart attack, it is hilarious.
I do not know why we laugh at such things, but we do. I would like to stand up and say that I will no longer laugh at such spectacles -- but I can't. I can think it is wrong in some cases, and I can feel guilty, but I can not help spontaneous laughter.
It just goes to show that humans are weird, and in some cases, a little sick. I guess that is what helps keep the world interesting -- and a little disturbing and scary, too.
Jimmy Boegle, a fifth-generation Nevadan who swears he does not look like Elton John, says he WARNED everybody about those damn Bob Dole commercials. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@alumni.stanford.org.