<bgsound src="sendin_theclowns.mid" loop=infinite> For The Love Of Brian Becoming You've seen many things in life you've done wonders in your years to a son, a daughter, and a wife you gave love to wipe away the tears to a mother and father who taught you well you gave them so much joy and pride technical, mechanical, detailed, emotional, balanced, so all the parts coincide You saw windstorms of bloody war the desert where patriot missiles fly faces of death, home's closing door seemingly without a reason why Now you sit here and look at me and you wonder what could have been I can tell you, have faith it will be greater, stronger than it was back then because I love you, I'd dare to say I worship you and even adore you God has a reason for everything, I pray it was so I could become the only one for you. Windows You look at me and, sometimes, I'm a blur, I'm not very sure what you mean by my love being so great, it makes your vision slur, being so much, it glazes you over and overflows into the air around you, you drown in the tears of my heart through windows of my soul, blue, how true, they do astound you... your glossy windows loosely grip a translucent moisture that embraces you the tongue, the lip, the fingertip traces you know you are loved- know nothing replaces you... much extra special care I'll take to ensure these windows never break. Without Forever I was dead before you and then you came to bring me back to life things will never be the same because now I know what's real you brought me light of truth total unconditional love, what I've sought throughout my youth and yes, you sometimes scare me because you love me ever so deep saying blind men could fall in love with me for only feeling the heart I keep but no man could love me like you do you returned to me a long lost breath and no man shall come to rescue me if you should leave me another death you don't see the power of your lips touching true, I would forever perish without forever with you. Counting My Blessings It's a blessing that you love so deeply a gift that your heart belongs to me the way you look me in the eyes is a greater treasure than gold I see Your touch is more amazing than if I could take the sky with its clouds and sun pull it down and wrap it around to absorb the life that makes rivers run It's a blessing to be able to look at you like a bluebird would look at a tree tall and strong, steady in the wind ignoring the wind as being free it's everything I want home to be To be able to love you when you come and sleep in your arms when day is done is a blessing where I once had none now it seems I've got a million and one Colors If you ever see me pinch myself please don't think of me as weird I'm just making sure you're real and not an illusion that I've smeared across my life like a double rainbow with a pot of gold there at the end my heart is so full of you and love my world has color, a tint to the wind. If you ever see me staring at you with this blank look on upon my face please don't think I'm confused a bit I'm just in awe of the surrounding space that is more beautiful than the Northern lights breath-taking, brilliant, like pallets of Monet and then when the air between us thins colors crash and flash like a fireworks display If you ever see me collapse and be stilled when your lips touch mine, soft and whole please don't think that I've been killed I'm just losing all major control because of your beauty, this, my soul, with colors of your love, is over-filled, from bits and pieces of heaven you stole. EQUATIONS If 1 and 1 is 2 and "we" is made of me and you 2 and 2 is 4 3 and 3 is more 4 and 4 is 8 "you" is more to contemplate 5 and 5 is 10 "me" falls in love again 1 and 1 is 2 you loves me, me loves you If You Were Chocolate Good grief! If eyes could kill I'd be laid out cold and still if smiles could catch the seas I'd drown down here on my knees if hands could touch moon then sun my eyes would never adjust to one if words could free the soul to sky I'd have no cage which to say goodbye if love could heal all the wounds I'd float over pain with helium balloons if you were chocolate, you would be safe and warm inside of me and I'd be zit-covered from head to toe sick but always wanting mo' :-) Bring Me To Weep In those moments we make love reaching the peak, then falling steep away from all the hate in life chasing nightmares from my sleep In those hours we spend together in those silences from your eyes so deep in those lifetimes of love-filled days of your soft words and smiles I keep in my heart where our forever lays in those sometimes where years creep in those places where you bring me to weep- The Tide, Departed My life has always been like an ocean in the outer wall of a hurricane- creating waves of overwhelming emotion, confusion, delusion, rage, and commotion, crashes and floods of fear and pain- Then in your eyes, a cold-front started of all who have tried, you were the one- to come to touch, so open-hearted, pushing the storm, the tide departed, leaving beautiful seashells sparkling in the sun. Forever If you measure forever with spans of time it may-as-well be "never" for all you could see- a dimension unreachable for the human mind "a mighty long time" is all it would be. I visualize forever as a place within an area, frame, or state- not so long but so big, with space for today to touch and decorate for plans and dreams and hopes to fill forever can't be measured in years- reaching even tomorrow, none ever will it's built by yesterday when today disappears by the memories made, what forever's made of and those memories yet and still to make- it is colored by pallets of laughter and love, a chance to better it each time you wake... a chance to travel farther through into a beautiful awaiting destiny- I see forever when I look at you knowing you see your forever with me- Destination Unknown A year ago I wouldn't have guessed that I'd be here with you today- and I can't guess now where I'll be when another year gets away Life and love are mysteries so many things I wish I knew- should you reach your destination first I can only hope I'm there with you I can't imagine fifty years from now if I'm blessed to make it along that far- each of our destinations, sadly unknown I can only hope I'm wherever you are And if I should reach my destination first I can only hope you'll be there with me- bittersweet tone, destination unknown- I can only hope we will always be together, whatever destiny- Whenever I Look Into Your Eyes Whenever I look into your eyes I know it's all gonna be okay- because you're strong when I am weak when I give up, you will stay, and all the pain will fade away. Whenever I look into your eyes some independence disappears- and with it goes the hidden fears, I see reflections in those mirrors, we should be together for many years. Whenever I look into your eyes it's easy to forget what is outside of the stare that reassures your love and the commitment we vowed to abide, a feeling so strong, at times, I've cried happy tears streaming down my face from the warmth and comfort of your embrace that holds me deep within my sleep, in the morning when I rise, and on throughout the entire day- whenever I look into your eyes it's all gonna be okay. Old Ways Tomorrow I close the door on the old ways and open another door to brand new days content to live where love stays finally finding my end of the maze Tonight I'm afraid, sleep won't come thinking I'll forget where I came from unable to write anymore out of numb no more hiding, being on the run running to love instead of away diving into passion, still I'll lay I've always hated change, I sway now in control of a brand new day with him by my side in my bed at dawn all the fears and tears "be gone" a vast, rich harmony, a sweet tempting song goodbye old ways, tomorrow life-long! All I Want I've come to the point in life like that point where you first drift off to sleep and anything is possible between reality and dreams, in that rift the certain point where visions come and you can handle anything from there where nothing can touch you in harm and your world spins around without a care it's the place where you believe in yourself, in love, and know having it is true beside warmth, cuddled in sheets, embracing the one who is in love with you I've come to the point in life, every moment being like that point before falling asleep, all because of love, he's all I want, I'll want for no more. Not For Granted I've been taking things into my hands on my shoulders, on my own for so long now, I've been grown and comfortably used to being alone- the lovers I've had weren't real and from the start, I always knew none of them were right or true I didn't believe in love till you- when you touch me, I believe when you look at me, I know when I look at you from below when you are moving inside me slow- each time you say I'm beautiful I emerge from the shell I'm in I give me to you, over and over again forgetting I was lonely then happier now than I've ever been- Promises I can't get too close to you though you look at me with those eyes that long to be inside of me but must continue to wear disguise, don't you think I know the distance causes you pain don't you realize how far I go from the look to edges of insane? ...but you're not makin' me any promises I, love, and you are easy words to say not close enough to reach tomorrow so I'm just livin' for today... My world could revolve around you close to make you happy each minute enough to you, it could be to me not a world without you in it, so close I could breathe you in it's all I wanted from the start to soak you in my warmth, with love that could over-flow and flood your heart ...but you're not makin' me any promises I, love, and you are easy words to say not close enough to reach tomorrow so I'm just livin' for today. Knowing You I knew when I met you that if I could get you I'd never be the same again- I knew when I heard your voice I'd want you and I'd have no choice beg you, say my name again. I knew that when I felt your hands I'd have to abandon all my plans of ever again being alone- I knew the first time you came inside me the love I had would stay beside me the knowledge of what I'd never known. The Cycle Today the sky looks like you could play kickball with the sun and skid it off the clouds bouncing little poofs of them up and into another atmosphere where the air would freeze them and shoot them down like icicle darts that spear the sun to make way for the moon. Tonight you look like a mountain, standing firm and tall reaching up to grab the moon and me and pull us down on top of you melting us, creating streams that trickle slowly from your peak to your end bringing you to tremble softly drawing out the deep, dark, sad, cold to make way for the sun. The Rain Today The rain today got me thinking and wanting so badly to lay in soft, warm sheets with you to wash the rest of the world away, to love you over every inch of your body there next to mine to whisper in your ear I'm yours to sip on your lips like wine. The rain today got me thinking how close I want to get to you how far apart we are right now burns holes in my heart clean through, to imagine how you'd look and feel coming in from the rain, wet and cold how I would dry you off and warm you up standing naked, all for only me to hold. Sometimes I live my life in the sun and take for granted I'm not without you but the rain today got me thinking I want to show you I think about you, and how good I feel to know I'm lucky to have you and to be your only one to have you in my life with love to fill my days with sun. Evening Haze In my deepest poetic frame of mind the words or structure I cannot find to explain how beautiful you are to me from your eyes of deep green sea you stop me for an uninterupted gaze the kind that falls like evening haze a look of love not captured by pen it tells me I'm beautiful over and over again through the anger, chaos, stress, and strife it tells me I've been searching this all my life it stops me to say I'm important to you love makes your eyes cut right through and erase me of any words I could form to create eruption to cause a poetic storm that would cast and cling to amaze the world in my last dying days like the falling in of evening haze. Catch 22 You can't ask me to quit my job and move and I can't ask you to turn down promotion I've spent my life here, built my world you've moved around, used to commotion I have five years invested in my job a lifetime of friends and people I know you have opportunity to move up in management dedicated as you are, it won't be slow There is no negotiating here that I see no compromise that would be any fair either you stay broken at the bottom rung or I sacrifice life to move here and there or we go ahead and part ways now ain't it just ironic how we are both considered managers, leaders, and decision-makers for our crew but we can't manage me and you we can't lead the path on through to make the decision what's best to do wanting to be together, not thrown askew by the unseen earthquake survived by few the one they call "catch 22". Communication 101 You've gotten better at listening but now, so have I silence dwells 'tween us glistening over any valid reason why. We used to be good at talking and neither of us were heard all over each other we kept walking speaking in first, second, and third. You're too good at the listening phase now that I've run out of things to say people study this in college for A's but take their C's and walk away. Communications, silence kills but an important part is listening I've worked hard on my attentive skills and now you don't talk about anything... I love you and you love me but it ain't enough to get us a C. The Power Of One You have the kind of power that grabs me by the hair and brings me to my knees making me want to stay right there You have the kind of power that wakes me in the middle of sleep gasping for breath, rolling in sweat only wanting you to touch me deep You have the kind of power that stills my lips when you lightly graze them with the tips of your fingers, lightens my breath and holds my gaze You have the kind of power that I need for living life beyond today the power that keeps me quiet and sane and prevents me from running away. The Happy That I Know Flames flicker, shadows quicker making movies on the wall in the ember I remember the beginning of it all Flames tire out after dancing about leaving darkness on the skin a lost glow but I still know all the places that I've been where love and hate, choice and fate made it so hard to believe each breath thrown to the unknown was impossible to retrieve People will say most every day that I look sadder than I should when movies are done until the sun the darkness caressing wet feels good Endings creep in while I sleep in searching it there for the glow your breath I taste, your sweet embrace is the happy that I know. Too Late Please don't say it's too late be patient with my heart, I do realize the mess I've made for needing all this time apart. I don't want to be without you I need you to trust me and believe I wish you could see in me the pain I'd feel if you were to leave. I can only try to make it better until it becomes the natural way for you and me to be an "us" tell me please, that you will stay... don't give up on me as I am for I know what I can be is great so please find somewhere the patience to wait don't kill me and say it's too late. It's Yours Pulling love from me is like pulling teeth or taking candy from a baby or removing a knife from its sheath you say it's different every day depending on what mood I'm in whether difficult, easy, or dangerous if blood is cold, boiling, or thin it's yours to have at your leisure or when you're busy and loaded down with life and troubled heart when you're dragging on the ground it's yours when you can't see it or hear it or feel it, it's there, when you're dragging all over me or when you leave, saying you don't care it's yours whether you want it or not on the ground, in the sky, behind closed doors, over morning coffee when you say it's just not enough that it's yours. Truth Behind Secrets The truth of it is this, you are what keeps me going in these days I have to face before me with only the knowing that you're there with me at least till you're gone and wonder then if I'll find something else to move me on... because when there's nothing left I'll settle to stop and die you are what I have as of now and I can't pretend to show you why but things have happened here as I sit and write this poem I can't tell you exactly what but now you keep me going home... which is where, I suppose I should've been the whole time, all along but forgive me because you're the only one who will, now, not even I am that strong there's many things you can't see parts of me you'll never know but one truth is evident, and that is this... you're what makes me continue to go. The remainder and end of this story is continued in Volume 2