It's My Job

My typical day in security work
a retail environment in the parking lot
the way these folks drive is like
they are 15, still being taught...

customers everywhere, hundreds I'd say
with nothing better to do than complain
about the parking and the other people's driving,
I'm constantly moving cars from the fire lane...

then there's someone with a dead battery
because they left their headlights on
next, the dog that's locked in the car
100 degrees, the owner says he ain't wrong...

then comes the search for the missing child
next I have to respond to an accident
where two customers backed into each other
"you're BOTH at fault", they get all bent...

fights over parking spaces, panhandlers, drunks,
management wants this and that right then,
old man had his heart attack, a car's on fire,
woman in labor, baby born in Row 10...

return the purse left in the shopping cart,
ride electric wheelchairs from one side to the other
direct these lost souls to their destinations,
thunderstorm hits, everyone run for cover...

but not me, I'm soaked to the bone
stopping wind-swept buggies going 30 miles per hour
into cars, while catching flying umbrellas,
switching on the breakers to restore power...

and then comes the shoplifter bustin' out the doors
wanting to fight so he kisses the ground
once he's handcuffed, he's searched,
a few crack rocks and a handgun are found...

I know the 8 million stories in the naked city
because everybody and their brother come talk to me
to ask me stupid questions or tell me
about something suspicious I need to go see...

I go driving around, waving, and smiling,
I notice a car that looks "out of commision"
run the tag, it's been stolen and recovered,
funny, the keys hang in the ignition...

I help load groceries while directing traffic,
subordinates have problems, rushing me like the mob,
I break for a snack and a man says to me
"you must have world's most boring job"...

Ignorance will speak volumes
but intellegence will softly sing
I smile and wave and think
I wouldn't trade it for anything...
it's my job.