For White Wolf
I could see you tonight
I could call when you get off work
don't think I haven't thought about it
but right now, I don't need the hurt.
You are beautiful and there
right in front of my eyes
but you can't love me now
it would only mean demise.
I'm pulled in all directions
and your smile is warm and content
misfeeding, misleading
possible warning signs sent
A white wolf, how beautiful you are
and I could love you if I tried
if I could come alive again
from the last love where I died.
~~~~~~~~~~
You called into my darknessand asked if I was alone
you wanted to come by, I,
for your voice, off-balance thrown
I remembered how we got wet
in the sprinklers that night
how I wanted you to touch me
if conditions had been right
And the dawn broke over the airport
wanting you to be there with me
to share the cotton candy view
but maybe you were still awake to see
I suppose we could have been together then
to share the brilliant beginning of day
you called into my darkness
but I ran away.
~~~~~~~~~~
Forever
10-04-99
You talk now of forever
nothing lasts that long
to be yours forever
don't think I could be that strong.
White Wolf in the Passing Shadows
we speak of our own fates
lone wolf and cast shadows
only a moment can we be mates.
What is forever to you?
You say it's how you feel
but emotions tend to fade in time
and bruises always heal.
Forever is not comprehendable
what you see is now
you've had no leaders to follow
no prophets to show you how.
But you must learn to see this time
to hold emotion that will guide you astray
we do not have forever
we only have today.
~~~~~~~~~~
Slumber
10-04-99
Too many things running through your mind
keeping you from good sleep
your emotions extend so far
and your curiousity delves deep
to know me, to love me
to discover how to open these doors
imagination sets the scene for dreams
rustling through ways to make me yours.
Images of the night we danced
and my skin laying out before you
but what you couldn't touch was my mind
and my heart to bring it to adore you.
And that was what you wanted
it's why you suffer loss
of sleep, it's why
you turn and toss
because the skin is more eager
than the heart or mind
to be touched in ways
that will allow you to find
how to cage my spirit
or free it from inside me
maybe you'd have uninterrupted sleep
if you could lay slumber beside me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Dozen Red Roses
10-08-99
Two dozen red roses
and I never realized till then
how tall you are
come stand here again
two dozen red roses
and a life with you
dream-catchers and sunlight
seeing the darkness through
two dozen red roses
and a hug from a big man
a wish for my hand
beside forever we stand
two dozen red roses
and a golden crown
a promise of love,
to never let me down
two dozen red roses
you gave me your rhymes
just like dustless chimes
harmonize these dark times
and all my poems and proses
couldn't match two dozen red roses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raining
10-08-99
I'm knowing where you are
and it's where I want to be
it's raining here in sheets
so bad I strain to see.
I understand where you're coming from
I think about the bed you've made
and we could lay there together
to sleep, but I am afraid
I think of where you are
and conditions are ideal
to be there with you now
so much of what I could feel
and I believe I could even dream
bringing pictures of you and me
but I am raining too hard
still you don't have to strain to see
though sleepy for the bed you've made
raining, I am afraid.
~~~~~~~~~~
I'm Not Running
10-10-99
I'm not running
it sure feels like it though
and it may look like it too
but rather that than fall in love with you
tragic consequences of what I do.
Laid out before you
you said everybody has rules
so I stepped back awhile
and just sat to see your smile
falling in love is for fools.
You asked what other questions I had
it's only that I like to hear you
they say you are afraid of the unknown
less afraid of being alone
and it's why I fear you.
So I fell into an unbelief
putting my heart to grinning
and I took off with your keys
in my back seat, your CD's
leaving with my mind spinning.
Not understanding why it's different
something I haven't known
safer, I think, to go off alone
but to stay would be more stunning
but there I go again
knowing I'm lying when
I say I'm not running.
~~~~~~~~~~
Fingers
10-11-99
You know I can't keep my hands
to myself when you're there
you know how I love to run
my fingers through your hair
and you've been gone for hours now
still I smell you on my fingers
cupping my hands over my face
so the reality of you lingers.
You are a strange reality
something I've not known at all
but you see, you know
you are wise to my wall.
I'm not sure how you can be
so understanding of me
and because of it, your scent
travels to my heart as heavensent.
Cupping my hands over my face
takes me to a different place
and I'm not thinking too straight here
but the feeling in my heart is clear.
I've been afraid of living, afraid of dying
afraid of laughing, afraid of crying
but the edges of it seemed to disappear
and there were no crossings in my mind
a strange reality to which I was blind
until my fingers held you, left behind.
~~~~~~~~~~
The Story of the Night
10-13-99
So the water was cold at first
pounding against the knees
that were bare because I was there
half naked in the breeze
I sat down, wet anyhow
but not expecting the giant wave
to come and overtake me
like the kiss you gave
crashing on my breasts
making me jump up so quick
stunned and stiff in the hard air
creating a virtual oil slick
you didn't need to touch at all
ready already before you knew it
peeling off what was left of wet
brushing off the sand, getting down to it
leaning over the peer, not peering
at anything but eyelids and you
as you came in from behind, growing
the waves, moaning, until you were through
and we watched a crab scamper back and forth
and got lost in the stars, devine
driving, you asked where I thought we were going
"don't be silly...up highway 29"
you meant where our relationship was going
and I didn't want to think of that
and I took you to your house
by the music and the dawn we sat
and I said I was too complicated
for anyone to love for real, for long
I'm a fictionary woman of men's minds
you said you could be that strong
not to let go of me
and I left, thinking "yeah, we'll see".
~~~~~~~~~~
Presage
10-13-99
Each minute I spend with you
brings me closer to your heart
or you to mine, still close
and it makes it harder to be apart.
I haven't known you long
but seems like it's been awhile
and you talk about forever
as if we could put it in a glass vile
and shake it up to eternity
but I believe we'll drop it eventually
and watch it shatter over ocean tides
because you are ten years younger than me
you say age is a number
but it's the way it goes
younger women are everywhere
don't get those shards between your toes.
Each minute I spend with you
is a minute closer to my pain
your love, like any, is jagged edges
to my walking slowly in refrain
shaking up to eternity
you think it's what we need
but I'm closer to the breaking
and this is where I bleed.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Together
10-18-99
So we sat and looked over the catalogs
of what Christmas gifts we'd send
you'd give the weird popcorn things
and I'd order everyone a chocolate tin
but at that moment it felt close
to the 'together' I had wanted
nothing but you right then
no past loves came and haunted
to think of the strange-crazy
to finally feel the different-ness
before dreading the hassles of all the stuff
that go along with Christmas
then, I looked at my cigarette
which I'd lit once and you did too
I asked "why does it keep going out?"
you said "it's because somebody loves you".
I met your mom and your best friend
and we decided the Christmas gifts we'd send
and you talk of days, nowhere near the end
maybe together until then?
~~~~~~~~~~
Messages
10-18-99
If I were to tell you these things
it's only but one feeling in a vast
sea of waves I have in the heart
and mind and of the past
and I would be afraid to get you going
and off on the wrong thought
you know I feel different every day
because of the things I have been taught
so I'm not sure what to write for you
one day I may love, the next run away
there are no promises here yet with me
this is why I don't say.
~~~~~~~~~~~
If I Told You
10-20-99
If I told you that I love you
what do you think you'd do?
Would you speak, any word at all
or sit in silence with space staring at you?
If I told you that I love you
that I have an image in my head
of you and me and it working out
would you back the things you said?
If I told you that I love you
and I made plans for a future day
would you continue to hold me sleeping
or do you think you'd run away?
If I told you that I love you
and want to spend these times here
in your arms and life and heart
would it bring you happiness or fear?
If I told you that I love you
would you question if I knew
exactly what I was saying
and why I said it to you?
If I told you that I love you
it may destroy everything we know
and I would figure it then
that I'd have to let you go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Out Of Hiding
10-20-99
I don't think I've ever laughed so much
in such a small time frame
bowling with you and Ryan
I whupped ass the first game
and gave it up to fatigue
on the second one
ball's too heavy, fingers don't fit
and there's a blister on my thumb.
I slid across the foul line
and right onto my rear
laid back and laughed some more
till there almost came a tear
You did okay, got a strike or two
as we touched back and forth again
and again and again and again
good luck to knock down each pin
and time was little, dawn broke
and I wished you'd have followed me home
crazy working hours though
prevented inspiration for another poem
my tummy hurts from laughing
and my butt from sliding
and I think I love you
but I'll keep on hiding
until I'm sure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~BIG~
10-20-99
big hands to cradle my cheeks
when big lips lean down to kiss
big arms to wrap around me
feels something like {{{{{this}}}}}
big shoulders to carry my weight
big heart to hold me tight
big feet to leave big
footprints in the night
big fingers to run through hair
and to slide over little me
big touches to send waves
to tidal within my sea
big mind to let me in
and decorate to my desire
big words to kindle
big logs on the fire
big shirt to robe me
naked in big eyes
big pleasure to engulf me
and what a big surprise...
big love to be
immeasurable as the skies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, How's The Weather?
10-20-99
Sit back and let me touch you
allow me that pleasure to feel
for these days are too short
tomorrow's not a done deal
let me caress you light
and modestly at first
then a little harder when
you begin to thirst
for my storm that builds
swirling around and brinking
on the edges of you
let me know what you are thinking
say it, and then I rain
letting go with all I've got
thunder and lightning
in the middle you are caught
and you love the rain
how it covers you like sweat
dripping down my breasts
between my legs, you're wet
I'm not giving all you can get
nope, sorry, not just yet!
Thunder from my throat
lightning from my touch
squeezing you maliciously
direct hits couldn't do as much
little shocks then and again
until your clouds meet mine
our highs and lows colliding
fiercely up and down the spine
coming of the storms
like summer-fallen tears
that came from the depths of winter
and the rainbow then appears.
~~~~~~~~~~
How's My Driving?
Call 1-800-OHICARE
If I thought I could love you
with the consistency you deserve
I'd tell you today, right now
and go 110 around that curve
but you know, I'm not sure
what kinda shape my tires are in
and the road looks a little wet
and there's a culvert at the end
I got a brand new vehicle
and this is why I'm cautious
and now driving so fast
makes me kinda nauseous
See, after so many accidents
getting knocked all over hell
I tend to slow it down now
surprised I've lived to tell!
So until I know I can love you
with speed full-force ahead
you'll have to settle for granny on Sunday
with an itchy foot of lead.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking Shoes
10-24-99
If I could change the world for you
so we could be together more
I'd do it in a minute
but these are shoes I always wore
making the same tracks on the sands
of time that go on by
you know these are comfortable
until you I never questioned why
the reason I don't try
to break in a new pair
knowing that I miss you
muchly when you're not there
These here I got are walking shoes
I kick them off now and then
to relax when I'm being still
but the sands of time never end
Stay if you can
to be with me when feet are bare
understand if you will
it's not that I don't care
it's only that time calls me
and comfortable ways make me fall
into these old shoes I have
often lonely but walking tall
Some day, love,
two sets of footprints will be
imprinted in my sands of time
when I let you walk with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Latitude
10-26-99
You are a delicate balance
of peace and war
of love and pain
what death is and what life is for.
Minutes pass slowly beyond me
thoughts of you race through my mind
a balance of classification and unknown
of embrace and what's left behind.
You are silence and aching
like when the body falls asleep
of dreams and nightmares
of winter and harvest reep,
a balance I can't figure
delicate and weighing strong
not near the perimeter and not far
not here or gone too long.
I am dizzy this morning
for attempting to uneven you
making circles around the scales
coming close then leavin' you
too much a mystery
unwilling to be tipped to one side
standing in the doorway
neither in me or outside
just being you in my limbo
balanced despite my attitude
of being stuck somewhere between
not really wanting and gratitude
for your balance in my latitude.
~~~~~~~~~~~
At Times
10-27-99
At times it baffles me
how patient and strong you are
just to hug me when I want more
but you don't let it go too far.
At times it confuses me
how you stay at arm's length
knowing when to pull me closer
to lend me all your strength.
At times it unarms me
how you dwell in silent stares
bringing peace to everything
enforcing feelings that someone cares.
At times it amazes me
how love is not in your spoken word
but loud in your eyes and hands
more likely to be heard.
I understand little, question a lot
of how you fit well into rhymes
so gracefully casting light on me
causing shadows to dance free
and I wonder why at times.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mission
10-30-99
What was the meaning
of your arrival within my space
what was your mission
of standing quiet in my face?
What was the point
of your words whispered there
after I had given in to
silent stroking of my hair?
What was the purpose
or reason, or excuse
for how you cupped my heart
and gently pryed it loose?
What was it you were hoping
to accomplish by swaying love
so persuasive and yet distant too
what was I supposed to be thinking of?
Was it your intention to love me
to prove you could keep up the pace
I sit here on the foul line, questioning
your mission within my space.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's Go On
11-04-99
Already, I've forgotten how you feel
the poems you write, I'll never read
no hoping anymore for us
logic will now supersede
let's go on and bleed
let's go on and get it done
I thought I almost loved you, felt
you warm against me like the sun
but it's only numb skin
no touch of what we were
and I can't remember anything
may be a self-defensive blur
to keep me from the pain
till time passes to impart
denial that feeling ever was
another love into my heart.
And maybe I loved you
but I'm not willing to fight
for what you'd give to another
a wolf's passion in the night.
Don't care to know what you meant
and I tire of questioning why
I've forgotten how you feel
so let's go on and say goodbye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart in your Hand
11-06-99
Why do you remember that,
the way I grabbed your hand
you thought I was in pain
but I wanted you to understand
that I was worried about you
and how you were feeling then
if it would affect you
would it end in losing a friend?
You were right in thinking
that I felt uncomfortable with another man
for having been that close to you
though not intended or how I planned
it's only your hands and lips
I want gliding across my skin
and at the moment I took your hand
I wanted to say 'I love you' then.
But I think it would have made you sink
deeper in thought than you were
the only reason I grabbed your hand
was that I wanted to make sure
without any doubt in your mind, you knew
that my heart belongs to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Tonight
11-14-99
I would like to hold you
tonight, this night
if I could, tonight
I would, very tight
but I know you're gone
within my hands, you turn
out of all my slumbering
only a lesson I will soon learn
not to be gone too long
from my lover's bed
work is not important then
it's true what you've said
we didn't spend enough time
embracing passion's flight
and if I could I would
hold you in sleep tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Obscurities
11-16-99
You aren't satisfied with what you get
the time, the touch, the kiss
the little I can give to you
lack of the more, you miss
holding, staring, closeness,
the comfortable silence, the still,
not content with the voids
and my promises to fill.
Angry even, but keeping it in
you ask me if I have a clue
what it's like to love someone
who doesn't love the same as you...
And I ask you now
how you know what I feel,
why, because I suppress my emotions
do you assume they are not real?
There is a reason for everything
things aren't the way they were
but does it mean I don't love you?
...I wouldn't be so sure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morn
11-19-99
Go on and go to sleep
you have been so much for me
and I know you are tired
in the morning I will see
you, and bring you breakfast
on a platter in your bed
but it would only distract you now
to lay beside to stroke your head
So the morning will come
and I'll be looking at you
when you open your eyes again
letting the sun come through
You have been so much lately
and tried so hard for me
sleep now, love, and morn
will bring a memory.
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