confusion
frustration
painful retreat
clouding logic
making no sense
besides hurting so
lost in another maze
more complex within
the larger maze
within another
the smaller the maze
the more complex
heartache and confusion
frustration from loss
painful experience
whole way through
parts were great
but looking back
just makes it more painful
losing it all
after never really having any
painfully whispering defeat
while saddened eyes
turn red from the time
irony fills the moment
everything seems to make no sense
everything that was wrong
should have been right
painful rejoice
in having the truth been known
even though the whole truth
hasn't been told
not sure if it even will be
painful heart felt
caused by that singular
wonderful cause
all hopes being silenced
all wishes suppressed
all that I have felt
dwindled down to heartache
painful retreat
hurtful regret
dreadful blindness
we all seem to share
more bad timing
circumstances of chance
where risking it all
meant losing it all
sorrowful thoughts
terrifying results
giving up on myself
tiresome situations
I'm just so tired of it all
I just want to get away
escape once more
for the first time
and so much was experienced
but so much was missed
never given the chance
to prove otherwise
never supposed to happen this way
never supposed to hurt so
never supposed to care so much
about something so destructive
the chances were there
I don't know how they were missed
I don't know why they were missed
I don't know why I miss her
when I never actually had her
kicking myself
dreading the thoughts
what is wrong with me
to be feeling this way
what is wrong with me
to never be given the chance
I don't know what I ever was to her
her words were confusing
to tell me what I was
she was but one thing to me
and that isn't fully accepted
she was my best friend
that I loved more than anyone before
she doesn't believe it was ever love
but I have no other explanation
I've never felt like that
about anyone before
I've never been preoccupied in thought
the simple thought of her
no fantasies about the future
just her in all that she is
I sat just picturing her face
it seemed to be imprinted on my eyelids
I sat just saying her name
and feeling a great sensation.
Every time I said it,
it would make me smile
and feel a goodness wave through me.
I'd be able to hear her voice
and that beautiful voice would fill my ears
making me feel warm.
Now when I think of her
I feel just heartache
I feel loss
after never having
and feel worn down.
I hurt and what do I do.
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