Why am I writing a "paper" on sexuality? I guess because I am a father of two beautiful daughters and pray for them a future (and a present) devoid of the mistakes I made when I was young that haunt me to this day. Also, for any other person who is serious about knowing the truth about this subject. These are not my own words and thoughts, though I adhere to what they teach. I have researched this subject through many reliable sources and wanted to publish a synopsis here.

I. Sexual appetite vs. Spiritual appetite

Our human sexuality is very physical and very focused - there is no mistaking the sexual drive or desire. This would make it seem that in order to satisfy the sexual desire, we must give it what it wants. What is rarely apparent, however, is that behind these physical desires are deeper spiritual desires that have their roots in our design. These deeper spiritual desires are only temporarily numbed by the satisfaction of sexual desire. There is a confusion deep inside us that views sexual obsession as purely a physical yearning with no ties to our spiritual needs. But this is false. We have falsely believed that we can satisfy our own hearts by taking matters into our own hands and by viewing our desires and passions as only physical appetites.

God has placed within every human being a hole which only He can fill. The writer can only describe it as that feeling inside the one who does not know the Lord that senses with certainty that there must be "something more" to this life. God has revealed Himself inside each of us, as well as in His creation. Yet the eyes of the unbelieving have been blinded by the spririt of this age, the devil. It follows, then, that men and women would not understand this deep spiritual need, and mistake it for the lack of some physical need. It is here the passion for one's Creator is exchanged for one's own physical, sexual passions (see Romans 1:18ff).

Christ has shown us by example that those who cultivate a healthy love for God don't need to become preoccupied with physical sexual pleasure in order to be real men and women. Jesus' masculinity is often scrutinized because of His lack of sexuality. But He has shown us perfect masculinity without sexual relationships. He was a source of strength and protection for men and women in His life.

"He went to battle with the enemy on our behalf. He sacrificed His life for His bride, the church. He absorbed the pusishment and insults of His enemies. He had close personal friendships with both men and women. He resisted the seduction of the tempter. He was strong enough to be gentle, zealous enough to clean out His Father's house, and secure enough with Himself to weep for those He loved. Although He was God, He was in every sense a man. Yet He lived through adolescence and His twenties as a single who did not "need" a physical, sexual relationship." (1)

And, we may not be Christ, but if you are a Christian, He lives in you. His life in us in this life will not reach its perfection, but it is His purpose, the ministry of His Spirit within us, to continually conform us to His likeness, bit by bit. If you are not a Christian, then your desires will, and probably do, control you. With the benefit of Christ within, Christian, you can yield to His control through prayer, and meditation upon His Word.




II. Why Does God Limit Sexuality to Marriage?

It is important to understand God's purpose in marriage in order to understand the limit of sexuality to the marriage bed.

Marriage was given by God to man in order to overcome man's loneliness in the world (see Genesis 2). None in the animal kingdom proved able to provide man with the special fellowship he needed. God created the first woman to provide fellowship for Adam. It is as simple to understand as that. We have complicated it by twisting scripture all around to claim it says things about this relationship that it does not. There is a need here for a brief explanation. Mutual submission is to exist within marriage - a yielding to the best interest of others. Paul, in his epistles, makes the application of this principle different for men and women. This constitutes a balance in marriage that sets not one against the other, but rather the two to become truly one entirely new entitiy (back to Genesis). Too many make complicated what God has laid out for us in simple terms.

God does forbids adultery and premarital sex not because sex is bad, but rather because it is good. Looking beyond the physical ecstasy, it is the means by which the two lives are bonded together in ever deepening love. Sex has the creative power akin to God to bring human life into being. It is a powerful thing that has the potential for good. But like anything with this potential, there is an equal potential for bad if it is misused. It is for this reason God intends it to remain an expression only within the commitment of marriage. The writer would like to sidetrack for a moment. With the exercise of this power to create life, man has sought to exercise his power to destroy that which he has created through abortion. Isn't it interesting that man will exercise his "right" to destroy a life he or she has created, yet question the goodness of God in His justly condemning those who reject His free offer of salvation in Christ?




III. In the Likeness of God, or Animals?

Gender was a precious gift from God. Man and Woman were the final and glorious work of God in His creation. They (both) were made in His image. Their complimenting sexual identities complete the image of God. What is more, it is the human sexual relationship God has chosen to reproduce His image in every child that is born. It is what allows men and women to be good for one another. In marriage, this complimentary sexual identity provides a basis for companionship, sexuality, and oneness. But the identity compliment exists outside marriage as well. Men and women enrich one another by the social blending of their masculine and feminine identities. In the greater arena of life, men and women complete the richness of relationship missing in all male or all female gatherings.

Though man and women were made somewhat different, they were made distinctly different than the animals. Humans alone possess the intelligence and personality necessary to have an intimate relationship with God. God placed the animal kingdom under the care of humans. The place of humanity is far above animals in the plan and purpose of God for His creation. But after decades of being taught naturalistic philosophy, many have come to believe there is little, if any, distinction between humans and animals. This accounts for those who see themselves as related to animals and not to God acting like animals in their sexual relationships. Naturalistic, evolutionary theory is a built in defense for sexual choices that include homosexuality or multiple partner sexuality. Proponents of this view point to "homosexual" and multiple partner sexuality among the animal world as support for such practices in humans. Again, the writer would like to bring the reader's attention to Romans 1:18ff.

The fact remains, though, humans were created in the image of God.

"It is this God-likeness that is so violated when men and women view one another as sexual objects rather than as whole persons with shared needs, dreams, and destinies. There is something very dehumanizing about a kind of sexual ethic that views women merely for the physical, sexual pleasure their bodies offer. It's degrading to value on another for "parts" that quickly age and lose their appeal. It is far more dignifiying to see every man and woman as a whole person who needs not to to be exploited and defrauded for someone else's sexual pleasure, but to be honored, loved, appreciated, and enjoyed as a whole person. It is far more noble to be a man who loves women as friends than one who sees them as objects of sexual conquest. Yet is not just a matter of being noble. The truth is that we have been designed for a desire that is far higher than self-centered sexual aggression." (1) This desire is the desire to have a personal, intimate relationship with the God of the universe.




IV. One Last Word to Christians

Not just in our relation to this subject of our sexuality, but in every aspect of our Christian life we must understand our relationship to the Lord. In 1 Corinthians 6:20, Paul reminds us that we were bought with a price - namely the blood of Christ. We must be reminded ourselves often that we are united to Christ and that He lives within us. Whenever a Christian engages in a course of action, he or she does so in union with Christ. That is, he or she does so WITH Christ. Nothing can or does sever our union with Christ, not for one moment of our saved life. Neither can sin annul it. This is the horrible truth for a Christian who engages in any form of sin. When the Christian sins, he might think he has put Christ aside for a time, but the reality is that he drags Christ into his sin. Therefore, ask yourself the question "Can I take Christ there and look Him in the face without shame?" Is this course of action consistent with your confession of "Jesus Christ is my Lord?"