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Final letter to the only man I have ever loved..TJ.... I loved you more than you will ever know. I am sorry you didn't see that. I pray that you have a good life with Christina, That you will beable to love her and trust her as you didn't seem to find away to with me. You never knew how deeply I loved you, nor did my love for you seem to matter. It seemed nothing I did would break your heart into giving me a chance into your life. You just couldn't love me enought to bring me into your life as I begged you to for so many years. So I pray now that you will give this chance to her, that you love her deeper than you have any woman. For you see when someone truly loves you, they want you to be happy even if it hurts themself. This is how much I love you. I will be praying for you every day. My goal now is to find Strength in my father, And I am praying somehow he can sooth my heart where your concern,to somehow help me to stop crying and find a new life, for I feel I am a good woman and someone,somewhere has to someday take a chance on me. I am sorry you could not trust me, many times i begged you to just love me enough to bring me into your life, I feel if we could have dated or had real time together maybe things would have came out different, for you could have seen I am different than the woman you see me as. That is my greatest sorrow because you never really took that step, you just couldn't try it. But I have to believe someone out there needs a good woman, and someone has to take that chance to trust me and try me. I do know I will never love this deeply again, that space belongs to you only for all eternity. James, I never wanted anything from you but your heart, and at this I failed. For the mistakes I made I pray someday you can forgive me for them. Please stay safe, and happy, for knowing this will give me strength to go on. You must stay ok, for my heart is on the balance of it. Until we meet in the dasies will I hold you dearest to my heart, where no man will ever walk again.I can say that though you never beleived me in this I am proud of every min. I spent with you, you where there when I needed someone strong, and for so many years the one I ran to when I was in trouble. Thank you for that, and for making me feel beautiful, no man has ever done that for me.
I will meet you in the dasies.

By the way, i did get the tatoo. You see some women will say they love you, others will give all they have to prove it.. even if it means walking away to secure your happyness and safety.



Please hold our children tightly for me, for my deepest deeepest regret is that I will miss their lives also.

I gave all I could James....


And James if you dont have a personal relationship with My father please seek him for he will give you strength, and to guide you. And if you ever find yourself totally lost,and not knowing were to go or what to do, he will help you, as I will if you ever need me.Now my dreams are to finally see your smile in heaven for that is one thing I was never given the pleasure of doing, if GOD wills it to be.
Well I guess its time to go,Goodbye my deepest love,know my heart is yours.

L.Y.A & Forever, ..... Loving You and only you Always and forever..