This page is reserved for jokes, hence the name "jokes". If you have a joke that you think deserves to be on this page, click on the cute Piglet icon on the bottom. The jokes will be screened, and they must be a)non-offensive to any race or religion, and b)they must be CLEAN! (Chris, that means that you aren't allowed to submit any!) Well, that is about it. If you think that any of these jokes are offensive or harmful, please tell me, and I might remove them! --Thanks, Katy

Hey ... by the way, don't jack any of these without giving credit, dangit! A link would be nice ... hint hint ...

Jokes

Three Sisters
There was a family consisting of a mommy, a daddy, and three little girls. One day, the oldest little girl went up to her mommy and asked, "Mommy? Why did you name me what you named me?" The mommy answered kindly, "Well, Rose, after you were born we took you out into the garden and a rose petal fell on your head. So your daddy and I decided that Rose would be an appropriate name for you." The little girl, satisfied, walked away.
The next day, the middle child came up to her mommy and asked, "Mommy? Why did you name me what you named me?" The mommy answered kindly, "Well, Lily, after you were born we took you out into the garden and a lily petal fell on your head. So your daddy and I decided that Lily would be an appropriate name for you." The little girl, satisfied, walked away.
The next day, the third child, the youngest, walked up to her mother and asked, "Mrrrph? Uhdeeernn, mrrphduh duhhhh?"
Her mother replied, "Well, Piano ...."

Country Singin'
There was once a medical student specializing in pathology who truly wanted to excel in his studies. Without fail, he would daily visit the school's path lab following his classes to do extra work. One evening he uncovered a cadaver only to notice a cork plugging its rectum. Curious, he removed the cork only to hear, "On the road again, I just can't wait to get on the road again...". Startled, he replaced the cork. Curiosity soon got the best of him and he, once again, removed the cork. Again, he heard the same tune, "On the road again, I just can't wait to get on the road again..."
He could stand it no more. He replaced the cork, covered the cadaver and raced upstairs to his professor's office. He persuaded the man to accompany him back to the lab. Once there, the student again uncovered the cadaver and displayed the corked rectum. The professor looked unfazed. When the student removed the cork, the same tune emanated, "On the road again, I just...". The professor looked bored and started to walk away. The student was aghast at this casual response. He said to the professor, "Don't you find this amazing?"
The professor replied, "Not really, most any asshole can sing country."

The Turtle Joke
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Where you left it.

Schtoopid!
Three men were on Death Row in Washington. They were all college students - one from Pacific Lutheran University, one from Washington State University, and one from University of Washington.
The man from PLU was escorted to "The Chair." The attendant asked if he had any last words. After the PLU student declined, the attendant pulled the switch. Nothing happened. Since you can't try twice (it's against the law), he was set free.
The man from WSU was escorted to "The Chair." The attendant asked if he had any last words. After the WSU student declined, the attendant pulled the switch. What happened? Jack diddly. He was also set free - just like the PLU student.
The man from UW was then escorted to "The Chair." The attendant asked if he had any last words.
"Yeah," he replied. "It might work better if you plug it in."

A Really Bad Day
A man was having a reeeeeally bad day. After work, he headed to a bar to drink it off. He was the only one in there (he worked the late shift). The bartender, after serving him, began sweeping the floors at the other end of the bar.
So he's drinking his drink and eating some peanuts when suddenly, the man hears, "Hey, that's a nice tie you're wearing; it really brings out your eyes." He's confused. But he chalks one up to stress and goes back to drinking.
Then, the man hears, "Hey! Your haircut is really nice. It frames your face perfectly! Really nice!" He decides he's hallucinating, and keeps on a-drinkin.
Then he hears "You know, you're just looking sharp today. You've pulled off that outfit excellently. You look alert, and ready!" Finally, the man freaks out. He stands up, knocks over his stool, and yells, "Who's talking to me?!!"
The bartender grins. "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

Ducks, Forest Fires, and Elephants
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stomp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stomp out flaming ducks.

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. And don't forget to share your comments or your jokes!